RattleAndHum

Last fall, after 10 months sober, I drank. A major trigger, I believe, was all the associations I have built up inside of drinking in the autumn season, especially around Halloween. Fall meant cider. Just one. But you know how that goes...

During the spring I got sober again. Because I was sober for 10 months before, I have build new, sober associations. For now at least, the spring and summer seasons aren't as much of a trigger because I have good associations/memories built during the 10 months I was sober. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but while sober, my mind was imperceptibly making new connections, working with the world in a sober way and collecting memories not covered with alcohol.

What am I getting at? I don't really know entirely, but building these associations has given me hope. Building new memories, new experiences -- sober -- and continuing this building, lessens the power of seasonal associations to drinking. For me, fall is an obstacle. Not to say every day isn't, but something about this time of year brings temptation. I have hope, however, that with time -- sober time -- this temptation will fade.

We make progress internally sometimes when we don't even know or can detect it. When we feel like we're losing our minds, sometimes our minds are just finding themselves. And we have to just stay the course. We're building something even when we don't see it. I don't know if I'm making sense, but knowing that my mind is making progress even when I feel otherwise gives me hope. And hope is something I need.

Lascaux

"We make progress internally sometimes when we don't even know or can detect it"

Wonderful post, thank you! Every day is a new battle but every night we go to bed sober is laying those new pathways - I hadn't thought about it that way before! I had some times today when the addict voice started sneaking in and your post gave me a new perspective and hope.

thomas11

I think I can understand where you are coming from. We romanticize and build associations from our drinking days. And those bonds can be pretty strong. But I also agree that we can "rewire" ourselves and build new associations in sobriety. I think that is healthy. It has been my experience that the new associations are entirely different, they are not simply the same ones without alcohol.

Speaking for myself, when I start to think how wonderful relaxing with a few drinks would be, I try to remember the associations I had with hangovers and alcohol withdrawal. Its a pretty good deterrent.

Anna

That's a great post, RattleandHum!

We have to 'change our minds'. It's a key to a happy recovery.

Purplrks3647

Thanks for sharing this, RattleAndHum ~ it reminded me of this quote: "Strength grows in the moments when you think you can't go on, but you keep going anyway"

kenton

I really enjoyed reading this, thank you so much for posting. Just yesterday I was thinking about how good it will be to get to one year because then I know I've been sober for all 4 seasons. For me, it was a horrible drunken Halloween experience that forced me to confront my drinking and stop. So I'm now going into my first sober summer and of course my AV is reminding me about a cold glass of wine on a sunny day. I read your post just when I needed to. If I can stay strong for another 4.5 months, I'll have experienced all the seasons sober. This will mean my mind has had a whole year to build new sober associations. I'll never let my guard down but all these new associations should make it much easier to stay sober. I wish you lots of luck and support with your journey and thank you again for a beautiful post.

Jimmy58

Great post Rattle and Hum. I quit drinking in December 2015. Got a big snowstorm in January 2016 and I just about lost my mind due to cravings. Several snowstorms in 2017 were just that, snowstorms but no cravings.
Thank you for the insight into how the mind works.

PhoenixJ

We all need hope. Good share.

RattleAndHum

Thank you all for the posts. Yes, summer was tough last year. I had plenty of associations of summer and drinking Shandys or Captain and Coke while writing or at the beach. Summer is the only time I can really write like I want to, and I always used the "writers drink" excuse, which is something that has been romanticized widely. Last summer, however, I realized how much more I could produce (and have fun in the process) when sober. I'm now looking forward to a sober summer