Delusions and family
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Delusions and family
In December of last year we were all geared up for the first Christmas at our house with family. Generally we would go to my MIL house and spend the time there. Quite a few family members and friends were coming. The second fridge was full of foods and drinks. We were excited and it was going to be memorable. I even bought Mason Jar glasses and chalk painted them with Reindeer names and winter themes. The details. Its all in the details.
A few days before the Christmas party, MIL calls and explains that she cannot make it due to her bones being broken, a punctured lung, her brain was bleeding and her car flipped 4 times on the highway.
We could not understand how she was even able to call and claim these events? She agreed to go to the hospital via ambulance and what has ensued from there has been a disaster.
4 hospitalizations into a psych facility since December. Her diagnosis is Delusional Disorder. It has been an epic nightmare. She is unreachable in this state and when she is on the anti-psychotics she can reason to a degree. or....she can listen to what has happened without being argumentative, threatening and abusive. When she is in the facility she will agree to do anything that is necessary just to get out of the hospital. After she is released we are back to the chaos.
She has found, through her illness, other people who appear to be mental impaired as well? These people have their own agendas and reasons for helping. I have not figured this out yet.
We cannot have her at our home. She pillages through other peoples belongings and steals from them. All of her money goes into her active delusions and she is unable to be financially responsible. There is a source of income that she has and it is enough to support her and keep her comfortable. That being said, she blows all the money within hours or believes she has been hacked and cant understand what has happened? She is the hacker. She is the spender. Her delusions say otherwise.
The state will not do ONE thing to help her. Every single hospital visit ends up in her being released. This last visit she was released into the care of a lady whom we do not know at all. This lady has housed her and has tried to help. Ill give her that much, but she has also created a lot of damage. Mrs. Fix-It is what we will call her.
Mrs. Fix-It does not "believe" in Big Pharma. She has helped my MIL to get off of the anti-psychotics which only sends the mental ill woman back into a state of mania and deeper psychosis. Mrs. Fix-It will email the family with all her ideas as to what is wrong with MIL ignoring the diagnosis given by professionals.
Mrs. Fix-It researches on the Web and copies articles sending many of them in long long emails. Every question that we have asked has been ignored and she goes about her "helping" ways not including the family and ignoring any healthy ideas or constructive criticism that is given. She has financially bailed MIL out of many situations that we asked her to stay out of. She selectively chooses who she talks to in the family.
An email exchange happened between Mrs, Fix-It and my SO. They proceeded to have very harsh words with one another and then I was brought into the equation. It was stated by Mrs.Fix-It that my SO was a coward and it was due to his overbearing needy wife. Apparently that would be me? She stated that my SO would not help his mother because of my actions and that is why she cannot come to live with us.
We have a child. We have obligations. We have a lot happening in our semi stable life and my SO and I know that moving MIL here to live with us will destroy our marriage, jobs and our lives.
Last night was the first time that I even thought of drinking in the last few months. I dont even know where the thoughts came from but they flooded my brain and it took a few minutes before those thoughts subsided. My brain said "**** THIS!"
When I got off work, SO was angry. Rightfully so. He was angry that this woman was attacking my character. Angry that she knows nothing of this family but what his mentally ill mother has said. Angry.
His anger was then directed towards me. After a few minutes of talking and seeing his anger I removed myself and took a bath. I told him that I cannot help him when he is in this state and we will resume the conversation when his mental state goes back to being calm and he can hear what is being said without lashing out.
I did not destroy my sober road.
I have asked SO to seek counseling or a professional that can give us tools to create boundaries for our health.
I am hangover free this morning.
My character was attacked and it hurt. I accepted this hurt. I know that Mrs. Fix-It has her own issues and she is deflecting. Attacking someones character is bad behavior and I know that she can do better. We all can do better.
If anyone is going through this madness please do not diagnose people. Dr. Google is not a trained professional.
Please dont drink as it will create a cycle that you may not make it out of.
Please stay calm and carry on with the next best decision. ( the calm part may take awhile but we can get there)
(I just needed to write this out and tell myself how to move forward)
Any other ideas are greatly welcomed.
A few days before the Christmas party, MIL calls and explains that she cannot make it due to her bones being broken, a punctured lung, her brain was bleeding and her car flipped 4 times on the highway.
We could not understand how she was even able to call and claim these events? She agreed to go to the hospital via ambulance and what has ensued from there has been a disaster.
4 hospitalizations into a psych facility since December. Her diagnosis is Delusional Disorder. It has been an epic nightmare. She is unreachable in this state and when she is on the anti-psychotics she can reason to a degree. or....she can listen to what has happened without being argumentative, threatening and abusive. When she is in the facility she will agree to do anything that is necessary just to get out of the hospital. After she is released we are back to the chaos.
She has found, through her illness, other people who appear to be mental impaired as well? These people have their own agendas and reasons for helping. I have not figured this out yet.
We cannot have her at our home. She pillages through other peoples belongings and steals from them. All of her money goes into her active delusions and she is unable to be financially responsible. There is a source of income that she has and it is enough to support her and keep her comfortable. That being said, she blows all the money within hours or believes she has been hacked and cant understand what has happened? She is the hacker. She is the spender. Her delusions say otherwise.
The state will not do ONE thing to help her. Every single hospital visit ends up in her being released. This last visit she was released into the care of a lady whom we do not know at all. This lady has housed her and has tried to help. Ill give her that much, but she has also created a lot of damage. Mrs. Fix-It is what we will call her.
Mrs. Fix-It does not "believe" in Big Pharma. She has helped my MIL to get off of the anti-psychotics which only sends the mental ill woman back into a state of mania and deeper psychosis. Mrs. Fix-It will email the family with all her ideas as to what is wrong with MIL ignoring the diagnosis given by professionals.
Mrs. Fix-It researches on the Web and copies articles sending many of them in long long emails. Every question that we have asked has been ignored and she goes about her "helping" ways not including the family and ignoring any healthy ideas or constructive criticism that is given. She has financially bailed MIL out of many situations that we asked her to stay out of. She selectively chooses who she talks to in the family.
An email exchange happened between Mrs, Fix-It and my SO. They proceeded to have very harsh words with one another and then I was brought into the equation. It was stated by Mrs.Fix-It that my SO was a coward and it was due to his overbearing needy wife. Apparently that would be me? She stated that my SO would not help his mother because of my actions and that is why she cannot come to live with us.
We have a child. We have obligations. We have a lot happening in our semi stable life and my SO and I know that moving MIL here to live with us will destroy our marriage, jobs and our lives.
Last night was the first time that I even thought of drinking in the last few months. I dont even know where the thoughts came from but they flooded my brain and it took a few minutes before those thoughts subsided. My brain said "**** THIS!"
When I got off work, SO was angry. Rightfully so. He was angry that this woman was attacking my character. Angry that she knows nothing of this family but what his mentally ill mother has said. Angry.
His anger was then directed towards me. After a few minutes of talking and seeing his anger I removed myself and took a bath. I told him that I cannot help him when he is in this state and we will resume the conversation when his mental state goes back to being calm and he can hear what is being said without lashing out.
I did not destroy my sober road.
I have asked SO to seek counseling or a professional that can give us tools to create boundaries for our health.
I am hangover free this morning.
My character was attacked and it hurt. I accepted this hurt. I know that Mrs. Fix-It has her own issues and she is deflecting. Attacking someones character is bad behavior and I know that she can do better. We all can do better.
If anyone is going through this madness please do not diagnose people. Dr. Google is not a trained professional.
Please dont drink as it will create a cycle that you may not make it out of.
Please stay calm and carry on with the next best decision. ( the calm part may take awhile but we can get there)
(I just needed to write this out and tell myself how to move forward)
Any other ideas are greatly welcomed.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Oh my gosh, Mizzuno.
I am so sorry. It sounds like everyone's worst nightmare.
I feel for you and your SO.
Gotta be tough on everyone.
Good that you are not drinking.
Always best to be clearheaded when dealing with a crisis.
I hope that your mil gets the help she needs and you and your family get some much needed relief soon.
I am so sorry. It sounds like everyone's worst nightmare.
I feel for you and your SO.
Gotta be tough on everyone.
Good that you are not drinking.
Always best to be clearheaded when dealing with a crisis.
I hope that your mil gets the help she needs and you and your family get some much needed relief soon.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
mizz, thats a LOT and im sorry ya'll have to be going through it.
best advise i can give at this time is visit the frineds and family forum here. theres a lot of good stickies at the top of the forum to read.
you will even get some excellent advice on how to put healthy boundaries in place iffen ya start a thread over there.
best advise i can give at this time is visit the frineds and family forum here. theres a lot of good stickies at the top of the forum to read.
you will even get some excellent advice on how to put healthy boundaries in place iffen ya start a thread over there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
mizz, thats a LOT and im sorry ya'll have to be going through it.
best advise i can give at this time is visit the frineds and family forum here. theres a lot of good stickies at the top of the forum to read.
you will even get some excellent advice on how to put healthy boundaries in place iffen ya start a thread over there.
best advise i can give at this time is visit the frineds and family forum here. theres a lot of good stickies at the top of the forum to read.
you will even get some excellent advice on how to put healthy boundaries in place iffen ya start a thread over there.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Mizzuno,
I'm so sorry you are going through this! That's huge that you were able to stand firm, though, and not give in to the thought of drinking.
I know it must be hard to try to separate yourself from the situation -- because it so directly impacts your SO -- but your health, sobriety and strength, and the health and stability of your family -- your SO and child -- has to come first. All you can control is you, not Mrs. Fix-It, not your MIL, though I know you want the best for her, and it must be so frustrating and difficult to see her not get the help she needs.
At least don't let it harm the progress you've made for yourself. She has her battles, but your health is important too.
Hang in there!!
I'm so sorry you are going through this! That's huge that you were able to stand firm, though, and not give in to the thought of drinking.
I know it must be hard to try to separate yourself from the situation -- because it so directly impacts your SO -- but your health, sobriety and strength, and the health and stability of your family -- your SO and child -- has to come first. All you can control is you, not Mrs. Fix-It, not your MIL, though I know you want the best for her, and it must be so frustrating and difficult to see her not get the help she needs.
At least don't let it harm the progress you've made for yourself. She has her battles, but your health is important too.
Hang in there!!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by mizzuno
good advice, st. I will hop on over there and read. It is a lot and has been. I know it has to change with us. Too much chaos all the time and too much energy being spent trying to save someone's life. I gotta save my own and my immediate family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Oh my, Mizzuno...that is so much to deal with right now. Glad you didn't drink and, "If all all else fails, excuse yourself and go take a bath". Yes!
I truly wish people would stop playing Dr. Google and thinking they can diagnose and treat mental illness when they have no business doing that. Also this "anti-med" mentality that some folks seem to have. That's not helping. Yes, in some cases "natural" is better, but in many cases of mental illness they need their brain chemistry treated big time. The schizophrenics I know that seem to function the best are the ones that are on the right meds and stay on them and have good structure in their lives.
Keep holding the line with boundaries.
I truly wish people would stop playing Dr. Google and thinking they can diagnose and treat mental illness when they have no business doing that. Also this "anti-med" mentality that some folks seem to have. That's not helping. Yes, in some cases "natural" is better, but in many cases of mental illness they need their brain chemistry treated big time. The schizophrenics I know that seem to function the best are the ones that are on the right meds and stay on them and have good structure in their lives.
Keep holding the line with boundaries.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Miz
I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's completely bizarre to me on ore than one level and I have no advice to give.
I am glad you're putting your recovery first tho - hands down, thats the best way to go
D
I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's completely bizarre to me on ore than one level and I have no advice to give.
I am glad you're putting your recovery first tho - hands down, thats the best way to go
D
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Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
I know it has to change with us. Too much chaos all the time and too much energy being spent trying to save someone's life. I gotta save my own and my immediate family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Miz
I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's completely bizarre to me on ore than one level and I have no advice to give.
I am glad you're putting your recovery first tho - hands down, thats the best way to go
D
I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's completely bizarre to me on ore than one level and I have no advice to give.
I am glad you're putting your recovery first tho - hands down, thats the best way to go
D
The mental health system in our country needs an overhaul. The last visit MIL had to the psych facility gave a glimmer of hope. The doctor did not want to release MIL until he found a long term facility or some other option that she could benefit from. Our facilities only house the mentally ill for 3 weeks max as they are not long term. The time was getting close to being maxed out when Mrs. Fix-It came along and took her out, as Mrs. Fix-It said MIL could stay with her. She then encouraged MIL to get off of the anti- psychotics as she does not "believe" in Big Pharma.
If MIL is able to get food out of a garbage can and feed herself then the state has decided that she is not sick enough to grant conservatorship over her. This means that she has to be drooling and incoherent in order for anything legally to take place.
MIL causes so many problems with her family members and their work. She has called my boss and said she has been raped. She has called her ex-husbands corporate office and talked with people in high positions making outrageous accusations against her ex. If my SO does not answer his cell phone she will call the work line and talk to anyone who will listen to her.....the stories she tells. The claims she makes. Not one of those stories are true and they are the most heinous ideas. An unraveling of the mind.
Thank god my boss is an understanding and compassionate man. I asked recently if she had been calling and he said "No, maybe she found a new friend!" .........But the stories. AY YI YI!
I can remove myself to a certain degree and this is what I have done. I can stay on the sober road. I can make sure that I am taking care of myself, which I am. More so now than ever before. I am doing all the right things here.
This is going to end up in someone dying.
Right now, MIL has managed to get herself to Disneyland. What the ****? Disneyland? She doesnt even have a home or car any longer. How the hell did she get to Disneyland? I am laughing about this new development.
My hopes in posting this:
This is a world wide forum. Perhaps someone out there in this giant world has gone through or known another with this disorder? They may have some tools or insight on what to do to be helpful?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Oh my goodness? Is it possible that it's dementia ? Poor you. And poor her as well. If she believes these things to be true in her deluded state then it must be traumatizing.
I tend to find prayer helps me in pretty much any situation. I think if it were me in your shoes my go-to ones would probably be the resentment prayer (fairly frequently as well from what you say) and the Do It Anyway prayer.
RESENTMENT PRAYER:
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Do It Anyway Prayer
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
Keep on keeping on. One day at a time.
BB
PS Imagine coping with all this if you were still drinking!!!
I tend to find prayer helps me in pretty much any situation. I think if it were me in your shoes my go-to ones would probably be the resentment prayer (fairly frequently as well from what you say) and the Do It Anyway prayer.
RESENTMENT PRAYER:
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Do It Anyway Prayer
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
Keep on keeping on. One day at a time.
BB
PS Imagine coping with all this if you were still drinking!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
The mental health system in our country needs an overhaul. The last visit MIL had to the psych facility gave a glimmer of hope. The doctor did not want to release MIL until he found a long term facility or some other option that she could benefit from. Our facilities only house the mentally ill for 3 weeks max as they are not long term. The time was getting close to being maxed out when Mrs. Fix-It came along and took her out, as Mrs. Fix-It said MIL could stay with her. She then encouraged MIL to get off of the anti- psychotics as she does not "believe" in Big Pharma.
The fact is the entire healthcare system is a quagmire these days. The mental health sector has ALWAYS been lacking, underfunded and not given as much attention and research as some other areas in healthcare.
But, a BIG part of the problem you are describing here is when average "joe citizen" steps in and somehow decides Big Pharma is to blame and the answer is to take someone like your MIL OFF her meds! Big Pharma is not to blame for your MIL's mental illness. Simply not so. But, the psyche "meds" somehow get blamed....and "we can do this au natural" ...oh yeah...and how's that working for everyone? Not so good, it seems.
Look, if Mrs. Fix-it wants to invest part of her life to take care of your MIL, there's nothing wrong with that per se....that's IF she is truly helping....but sometimes the "helpers" are actually a hinderance.
The fact is the entire healthcare system is a quagmire these days. The mental health sector has ALWAYS been lacking, underfunded and not given as much attention and research as some other areas in healthcare.
But, a BIG part of the problem you are describing here is when average "joe citizen" steps in and somehow decides Big Pharma is to blame and the answer is to take someone like your MIL OFF her meds! Big Pharma is not to blame for your MIL's mental illness. Simply not so. But, the psyche "meds" somehow get blamed....and "we can do this au natural" ...oh yeah...and how's that working for everyone? Not so good, it seems.
Look, if Mrs. Fix-it wants to invest part of her life to take care of your MIL, there's nothing wrong with that per se....that's IF she is truly helping....but sometimes the "helpers" are actually a hinderance.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 33
I read your story with deep sadness. A lot of people have said a lot of useful thoughts, but I just wanted to add one point.
This situation is not sustainable. You yourself make a comment that it will end up with someone dying. God forbid! But it may end up with irreparable damage to you, your SO, your child and also to your MIL.
I think firstly you need to get rid of the Mrs. Fix-it. I am not a legal person but there seems like there are some legal issues here. There must be a way that the law should allow her son + her DIL to be able to make decisions on her behalf, considering she is clearly not capable. Removing Mrs Fix-it seems like the first priority. And then, you simply have to find a way to get her to a proper psychologist / psychiatrist that can diagnose and treat, all the while looking for a facility that can be long term. I don't know what financial capability you have but eventually even MIL's assets may need to be used towards this idea.
I will stop here since I am not sure this advice is either proper or sound, but I would really talk to some legal person in your case first.
I wish you strength, loads of patience and hope that you will overcome this terrible situation. I really do.
Best,
T.
This situation is not sustainable. You yourself make a comment that it will end up with someone dying. God forbid! But it may end up with irreparable damage to you, your SO, your child and also to your MIL.
I think firstly you need to get rid of the Mrs. Fix-it. I am not a legal person but there seems like there are some legal issues here. There must be a way that the law should allow her son + her DIL to be able to make decisions on her behalf, considering she is clearly not capable. Removing Mrs Fix-it seems like the first priority. And then, you simply have to find a way to get her to a proper psychologist / psychiatrist that can diagnose and treat, all the while looking for a facility that can be long term. I don't know what financial capability you have but eventually even MIL's assets may need to be used towards this idea.
I will stop here since I am not sure this advice is either proper or sound, but I would really talk to some legal person in your case first.
I wish you strength, loads of patience and hope that you will overcome this terrible situation. I really do.
Best,
T.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Amen, Tanker.
As lacking as the mental healthcare situation is, the "Mrs. Fix-it's" are not always a good alternative to what's lacking in the system. It is what it is. And, the "Mrs. Fix-it's" are often not impartial, nor without significant bias, nor objective if they are a personal contact.
Anyways, back to you Miz: You know you have our support in doing what is best for you, your family, and your sobriety.
As lacking as the mental healthcare situation is, the "Mrs. Fix-it's" are not always a good alternative to what's lacking in the system. It is what it is. And, the "Mrs. Fix-it's" are often not impartial, nor without significant bias, nor objective if they are a personal contact.
Anyways, back to you Miz: You know you have our support in doing what is best for you, your family, and your sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Tankersfull
I read your story with deep sadness. A lot of people have said a lot of useful thoughts, but I just wanted to add one point.
This situation is not sustainable. You yourself make a comment that it will end up with someone dying. God forbid! But it may end up with irreparable damage to you, your SO, your child and also to your MIL.
I think firstly you need to get rid of the Mrs. Fix-it. I am not a legal person but there seems like there are some legal issues here. There must be a way that the law should allow her son + her DIL to be able to make decisions on her behalf, considering she is clearly not capable. Removing Mrs Fix-it seems like the first priority. And then, you simply have to find a way to get her to a proper psychologist / psychiatrist that can diagnose and treat, all the while looking for a facility that can be long term. I don't know what financial capability you have but eventually even MIL's assets may need to be used towards this idea.
I will stop here since I am not sure this advice is either proper or sound, but I would really talk to some legal person in your case first.
I wish you strength, loads of patience and hope that you will overcome this terrible situation. I really do.
Best,
T.
This situation is not sustainable. You yourself make a comment that it will end up with someone dying. God forbid! But it may end up with irreparable damage to you, your SO, your child and also to your MIL.
I think firstly you need to get rid of the Mrs. Fix-it. I am not a legal person but there seems like there are some legal issues here. There must be a way that the law should allow her son + her DIL to be able to make decisions on her behalf, considering she is clearly not capable. Removing Mrs Fix-it seems like the first priority. And then, you simply have to find a way to get her to a proper psychologist / psychiatrist that can diagnose and treat, all the while looking for a facility that can be long term. I don't know what financial capability you have but eventually even MIL's assets may need to be used towards this idea.
I will stop here since I am not sure this advice is either proper or sound, but I would really talk to some legal person in your case first.
I wish you strength, loads of patience and hope that you will overcome this terrible situation. I really do.
Best,
T.
Thank You all for the replies.
Mrs. Fix- It has been asked to remove herself from the situation immediately. SO and the exchange of emails ended in a very very harsh manner.
As for legally:
In this beautiful state, we have to wait for multiple psychiatric holds in order to take legal action. MIL has been to the hospital 4 times in 7 months. Each visit was 2 weeks or more. I guess 4 visits is not enough to take legal action? It frustrating to see that there really is nothing we can do but wait it out.
Its a mess. Its not sustainable. Its devastating.
We will get there though. Somehow... someway.
Once again, Thanks for all the replies. I know its heavy. Someone may read this and gain something from it....
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