eve123

Just done with alcohol but I'm terrified that the av will come back when I least expect. Has done before. Going to meetings and doing what I can?will it ever get easier. Can't sleep thoughts of how much pain drink has caused or my illness even with out the drink. Just want to feel free of it all. Feel scared and vunrable tonight. I do try my best to keep it in today but this illness is relentless n I'm worried. I cannot go another round with alcohol. Fed up tonight. My head is going round and round thinking about how insane I must be to not have got this yet. When will acceptance finally sink in I'm an alcoholic I know it so why why why would I even contemplate listening to the av again!!! Tomorrow's a new day iv not drank today so please god let me stay sober tomorrow 🙏🏼

Gottalife

Hi Hedd,
Sorry to hear you are in a bad patch, I've been there myself. Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. My very last resort was to call AA, all else having failed. I had an afternoon with a recovered alcoholic, and learned a lot about my problem and the AA solution. That night I went to my first meeting. Nice happy people is about all I remember.

I heard this thing about ninety meetings in ninety days. I took it to mean total immersion in AA for ninety days, sponsor, steps, meetings etc. I was willing to go to any lengths and I anycase, if I didn't like it after ninety days, they would refund my misery, no charge.

As it happen, by ninety I was well into the program and cleaning up the wreckage of my past. Something had happened. I felt different, the world looked different, and I had gone most of that time without even thinking of a drink.

Needless to say I never asked for my misery back, and I never drank again. My story is not unusual in AA. I pretty much did what they suggested, and got what they got. It is a different story for those who don't want to follow the suggestions. Sometimes they get something, but most of the time they don't.

Dee74

Hi hedd

the thing to remember is nothing and noone can make you drink - not AV not anything.

If you steadfastly refuse to drink, and you keep reaching out for support and ideas, you need never drink again

Fear is a pretty huge trigger for moist of us...but think about it rationally...pouring drink onto problems caused by drinking is like pouring petrol on a fire.

Things will get better, and you will sort out your messes...but only if you stay sober

Do you have any support besides SR?

D

least

I was always afraid of relapse too, until I made the decision to take drinking off the table as an option. When I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, then I was able to stay sober.

greens

Going through cbt and smart recovery has given me a lot of tools so I don't want to pick up again. After a while it just became second nature to no longer view alcohol as something that I want in my life. Have other ways to deal now. Hope you get some rest tonight

Delilah1

It really does get easier. I have found that focusing on recovery, and making positive life choices in all areas has helped. I've done lots of reading, walking/hiking and mindfulness activities. All of these have helped me in recovery.

What tools have you put in your toolbox so far?

eve123

Thanks so much for your replies. Helps to know your out there. I do go to meetings have been in Aa for 4 years and although I have struggled I will always keep going back. Last night I was full of fear as I have had enough and it terrifies me at times how vunrable I can be to the av. so feeling better today choosing sanity for another 24. I do get stressed with life at times single mum and it helps to reach out. Staying positive today got through last night went to meeting n spoke to my sponsor and posted here. Thanks you all hope you all have a sober sane day xx

shockozulu

Don't forget we do have a forum down at Secular Connections where we
discuss secular methods of recovery from RR to SMART. You are welcome there as well as newcomers.

shockozulu

I did SMART and AA myself. I was a General Service Representative and now am a SMART Facilitator. For me, without both programs I know I'd be drunk today. Between the two, I'm sober one day at a time.

eve123

I will check out the secular recovery as I have no issues with using all that there is out there. Aa is good for me as I have face to face contact and have close friendships in the fellowship. Don't know much about smart etc but I'm going to look into it xx thanks

PhoenixJ

Meetings and counselling make recovery possible for me. Support to you.

Gottalife

A lot of folks do exactly what you describe here, yet continue to struggle. You don't mention the steps. It is one of the best kept secrets in AA. The AA solution to alcoholism is a life changing spiritual experience accomplished through working the steps.

Meetings and sponsors are fine as far as they go, but as we are beyond human aid.....no amount of meetings, no amount of wisdom from a sponsor, will bring about the desired result. The trick is to get connected to your own power supply, which is what the program is all about.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here & posting Hedd. The support I've had here has been invaluable much support & encouragement here.