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Newbie trying to moderate

Old 06-13-2017, 05:33 AM
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Newbie trying to moderate

Hi all, is been a massive step for me to do this so please take it easy on me...without going into too much depth to start with, for the last couple of years I've been drinking every night at least half a bottle of spirits...
Had a moment over the weekend where I had drunk at least double that which ended up in family trouble and me being arrested etc which was maybe the point I needed to actually do something about it...
My plan is to cut down to moderate drinking 2 nights a week...if the amount of drink or the days increase I will seriously consider giving it up totally but really want to try moderate first...would like to hear of your experiences on trying to moderate from being an alcoholic...oh by the way I've just done 3 days sober and tonight will be my first drink at a friends...I'm not new to addiction as smoke 30 a day and have done for 25 with various attempts to quit have failed...also had a 3 year Cocaine addiction which has been overcome completely...as of a year or so back...
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:45 AM
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Welcome!

I'm glad that you recognize your drinking is causing problems in your life. I think most of us here have been determined to moderate our drinking, and failed. Generally people end up in a worse position after attempted moderation, and it becomes exhausting. Abstinence is really far easier for alcoholics.
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:47 AM
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moderation never worked for me- it made my drinking worse. support to you
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:50 AM
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For me I could moderate but the problem was when I drank I caused myself pain shame and guilt. I am an alcoholic I am powerless over alcohol. For me abstinence is the only answer. Good luck
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:54 AM
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Welcome, Avity! I applaud your efforts and am happy to hear you know you have a problem with alcohol. Why not try 30 days abstinent to understand your issues better?
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:57 AM
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Welcome to SR Avityesboy!

I think nearly everyone here has had dreams of drinking in moderation. Unfortunately, we have rewired our brains through years of drinking so that is no longer possible, I feel.

When I tried to impose drinking limits on myself, my AV would just scream at me for one more, just one more, and give me a zillion reasons why it was ok. It actually was easier for me to just totally quit over the long run. Once any possibility of drinking is off the table, our Addictive Voices tend to get quiet over time.

I spent so much time thinking about drinking previously. When can I begin to drink, how much can I drink, how much can I drink and drive or get to work in the morning. For me, it was just so much easier to give it up. I got tired of doing the math all the time. Besides, what's the point of drinking something that can be distilled into fuel for our cars, or a solvent. Sounds nasty, doesn't it?

Good luck on your journey!
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:00 AM
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Hi and welcome.

It's so good you've taken the step of signing up here. This is a great place for help and it sounds like after this past weekend you realize you need to make some pretty important changes.

As for moderation, I tried and tried, and looking back wasted many years doing so. For me it's like trying to take a little bit of air out of a balloon by sticking a pin in it.. you can try to keep the amount under control but it's exhausting and ultimately a losing battle. I tried measuring amounts, limiting days. Ultimately none of it worked. I always ended up drinking just as much as before, if not more. For me it has been much easier since I made the much simpler choice of alcohol/no alcohol.

I know it's overwhelming to imagine cutting alcohol completely. Why not just focus a day at a time? You still can go be with your friends tonight. Just think about this past weekend, and tell them you're not drinking tonight. It's a choice you have the power to make.
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Avityesboy View Post
My plan is to cut down to moderate drinking 2 nights a week...if the amount of drink or the days increase I will seriously consider giving it up totally but really want to try moderate first...
Trying everything to control my drinking--everything except quitting--characterized my drinking. Except the last years, where control went out the window.

You'll drink until you don't want to anymore. Hopefully it won't be to late then, or too difficult to quit.
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:21 AM
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Glad you posted.

I'll just comment by sharing what someone said in my AA meeting yesterday: I have learned that I sure don't know everything and [you] might be the one person ever to successfully moderate your drinking, so try it if you feel you need to; in my experience, this brings someone back to the decision that complete sobriety is necessary for them. But maybe you're the exception. Only you can accept that abstinence is the right choice for you.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:23 AM
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Moderation never worked for me. You have 3 days of sobriety behind you, why not keep going and be done with it? You'll be happy you did.
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:38 AM
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Welcome to SR, Avityesboy! You'll learn a lot and get good support here.

I drank again after a long time sober. It quickly got out of hand again and I spent over 4 years trying everything I could think of to moderate it so I wouldn't have to stop completely.

That fantasy of moderation only dragged out the suffering and misery until I finally gave up and went for total abstinence.
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:02 AM
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Welcome to SR! So you drank way too much and had a bad experience that shamed yourself. Your plan is too keep drinking, just less often. Chances are you'll eventually progress to drinking too much, too often once again and probably have more bad episodes like your last one. At least, that was my experience with moderation. Hope that helps!
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:13 AM
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Hmmm very interesting indeed...lots of replies and nobody actually saying moderating has worked...that's a surprise to me I thought it would be maybe a 70/30 split but 100% so far has really made me think...
Well as I'm very clear in my mind if it does start to go over even a little again and it starts taking over worrying about when my next drink is etc I will be quitting it...
As I say it's my first time on any forum about it and actually admitting a problem, really appreciate everyone's input so far and has made me lean a bit more to prepare to quit for good....
But I am going to try the moderation way first and will keep you all informed..
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Upstairs View Post
Welcome to SR! So you drank way too much and had a bad experience that shamed yourself. Your plan is too keep drinking, just less often. Chances are you'll eventually progress to drinking too much, too often once again and probably have more bad episodes like your last one. At least, that was my experience with moderation. Hope that helps!
The plan is to drink only 2 nights a week, and when drinking not to get silly drunk but have say 7 to 8 units not the usual 28...we will see but I do look pretty much like I'm going to fail by the answers so far....
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by CreativeThinker View Post
Moderation never worked for me. You have 3 days of sobriety behind you, why not keep going and be done with it? You'll be happy you did.
I really do want to give the moderation a try, but very aware of any signs that it's not so fully prepared to give up as soon as needed..
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:29 AM
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7 or 8 units? In one drinking session?

Moderation was just an epic fail for me. I told myself " Only half of this bottle." I thought, "Today I will not drink!" I tried many many many ways to get drinking under control. I just could not do it at all. Most if not all the people on this forum will tell you the same thing. The slippery slope of alcoholism. The battle is way to hard to try to control and I just had to throw up my hands and admit defeat. This defeat has actually given me a whole new outlook on my life. I am healthy now.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck down the moderation road. Please stay close and keep posting.
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:32 AM
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Congrats on taking a big step by joining here---this is a great place and you will get a lot of support here.

Moderation was impossible for me. I have no control over alcohol. Complete abstinence is much easier.
Best wishes to you.
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:37 AM
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Welcome, Avityesboy. I and many others have tried moderation only to find it doesn't work. I have no 'off' switch when it comes to drink and thoughts of how horrible life will be the next day just fly out the window when I am deep in it. I'm already drinking-why not one more? To me it is much easier to just not drink; no worries about what days should I drink? How much? When? People who don't have problems with drink don't even ask those questions; it is unique to our experience as abusers of alcohol. I wish you all the best, and you may be that one person who can pull off moderation.
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:49 AM
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Personally, I tried moderation for a time. Didn't work. I only want to get drunk, otherwise what's the point!
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Old 06-13-2017, 08:01 AM
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I tried lots of times to limit my drinking to 2-3 times per week. I discovered that I drank MORE in those 2-3 days per week than I had been drinking in the entire week. In my mind, allowing myself only 2-3 days a week was like a free pass to really overindulge on those days. You can try it, but watch carefully for signs that you are obsessing over your allowed drinking days. I did that, too. It simply doesn't work for most heavy drinkers or alcoholics to moderate.
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