My 18 month update...( Sorry its late)
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
My 18 month update...( Sorry its late)
I promised you all my update over a week ago but with life being life i've not really had the time or the energy to sit down and give an honest account on how things have been, but today I finally have so here it is... My 18 months of sobriety update.
I'm going to put it out there straight away ,I feel pretty down at the moment. Now this has nothing to do with my sobriety as such, its more to do with how life is for me at this present time. I have a job which i should be pleased about as not everyone can say that, I have a roof over my head, again i should be thankful for that, and I also have some great family and friends around me , who are all supportive...
So why aren't I Happy?
The job I have is enough to sustain me at this current time and is enough to keep me afloat. But i get up every morning knowing that its as far as i'll ever be able to progress in that field , Im not unhappy as such , but every day from the word go I know its not where I thought i'd be at this stage in my career.
I said I had a roof over my head, well that is true but its not my roof I dont own it I only pay a 1/3 of the rent which is spilt between to other people. Much like my job , I shouldnt really complain as im sure I am much better off than other people who have less, but again its not where I really want to be living. I really thought Id be renting by myself at this stage or better still own my own property.
And my 3rd point was my family and friends I have around me. Now I know some people will not have this luxury for what ever reason, and I should be so thankful (which I am ), they have each helped me through good and bad moments on my constant road of recovery and I cant thank them enough.
So I bet you're sat reading this and thinking " what has got to be unhappy about?"
All my effort this last 18 months has gone into getting myself back on the right track , back to what I would call "normal". But I'm tired because of all the effort I've put in, and it feels like the last year and a half the world has moved on without me. Everywhere I look people are getting married, Having kids, Buying flash cars, Holidays, moving to new countries, landing their dream jobs, getting their first mortage... I wouldn't sat I'm jealous , I'm not these people are my friends and family I'm happy for them. But its where I feel I should also be at this stage of my life. I've just battled my way through to getting my life back , to get some meaning and routine back into it, something for me to look at in a positive way and to build on.
I'm so proud of my 18 months sober , but some how seeing the people i just mentioned doing so well in life, takes all the shine off it and almost makes it feel like nothing . I'm still playing catch up and feels like its all been for nothing, what was the point? why am i bothering? all this gets me down and there have been a few times where I've thought " f*ck it , im going to have a drink". Now you will be all be pleased to here I didn't pick up a drink on any of those occasions, and I don't really get any cravings to drink, just the odd trigger here and there like we all get at certain times, certain locations and with certain people.
I don't know if this is just how I feel in myself or this is what happens at this time in sobriety , but its not a great feeling and I really hope this "stage" passes quickly as its really wearing me down at the moment.
As always sorry for rambling on , it may seem back to front or not in order but sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and write it down , and this is my feelings right up to date. And you know what I feel slightly better just for seeing it in black and white. I hope this makes sense to some of you , and hope you are all fit and healthy.
I am going to be posting a lot more frequently now as I feel I also may have got a little complacent also.
James
I'm going to put it out there straight away ,I feel pretty down at the moment. Now this has nothing to do with my sobriety as such, its more to do with how life is for me at this present time. I have a job which i should be pleased about as not everyone can say that, I have a roof over my head, again i should be thankful for that, and I also have some great family and friends around me , who are all supportive...
So why aren't I Happy?
The job I have is enough to sustain me at this current time and is enough to keep me afloat. But i get up every morning knowing that its as far as i'll ever be able to progress in that field , Im not unhappy as such , but every day from the word go I know its not where I thought i'd be at this stage in my career.
I said I had a roof over my head, well that is true but its not my roof I dont own it I only pay a 1/3 of the rent which is spilt between to other people. Much like my job , I shouldnt really complain as im sure I am much better off than other people who have less, but again its not where I really want to be living. I really thought Id be renting by myself at this stage or better still own my own property.
And my 3rd point was my family and friends I have around me. Now I know some people will not have this luxury for what ever reason, and I should be so thankful (which I am ), they have each helped me through good and bad moments on my constant road of recovery and I cant thank them enough.
So I bet you're sat reading this and thinking " what has got to be unhappy about?"
All my effort this last 18 months has gone into getting myself back on the right track , back to what I would call "normal". But I'm tired because of all the effort I've put in, and it feels like the last year and a half the world has moved on without me. Everywhere I look people are getting married, Having kids, Buying flash cars, Holidays, moving to new countries, landing their dream jobs, getting their first mortage... I wouldn't sat I'm jealous , I'm not these people are my friends and family I'm happy for them. But its where I feel I should also be at this stage of my life. I've just battled my way through to getting my life back , to get some meaning and routine back into it, something for me to look at in a positive way and to build on.
I'm so proud of my 18 months sober , but some how seeing the people i just mentioned doing so well in life, takes all the shine off it and almost makes it feel like nothing . I'm still playing catch up and feels like its all been for nothing, what was the point? why am i bothering? all this gets me down and there have been a few times where I've thought " f*ck it , im going to have a drink". Now you will be all be pleased to here I didn't pick up a drink on any of those occasions, and I don't really get any cravings to drink, just the odd trigger here and there like we all get at certain times, certain locations and with certain people.
I don't know if this is just how I feel in myself or this is what happens at this time in sobriety , but its not a great feeling and I really hope this "stage" passes quickly as its really wearing me down at the moment.
As always sorry for rambling on , it may seem back to front or not in order but sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and write it down , and this is my feelings right up to date. And you know what I feel slightly better just for seeing it in black and white. I hope this makes sense to some of you , and hope you are all fit and healthy.
I am going to be posting a lot more frequently now as I feel I also may have got a little complacent also.
James
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 285
Hi James,
I can see why that is frustrating to you because you have worked so hard to do well and you see others who haven't had those challenges seemingly sail through life. Of course we all know that everyone has problems. And that plenty of people have it worse than us. But I don't know how helpful that is when you aren't happy with your own situation.
I don't know anything about your life, but is there any way to put a plan into action to change your situation through education or whatever? I know that when I have a plan for what I want to do, I immediately feel better - feeling stuck seems to the worst for me.
Keep posting! I am very encouraged by you because I only have a week sober and it's good to see that 18 months is possible.
I can see why that is frustrating to you because you have worked so hard to do well and you see others who haven't had those challenges seemingly sail through life. Of course we all know that everyone has problems. And that plenty of people have it worse than us. But I don't know how helpful that is when you aren't happy with your own situation.
I don't know anything about your life, but is there any way to put a plan into action to change your situation through education or whatever? I know that when I have a plan for what I want to do, I immediately feel better - feeling stuck seems to the worst for me.
Keep posting! I am very encouraged by you because I only have a week sober and it's good to see that 18 months is possible.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by James90 
...seeing the people i just mentioned doing so well in life, takes all the shine off it and almost makes it feel like nothing . I'm still playing catch up and feels like its all been for nothing, what was the point? why am i bothering? all this gets me down and there have been a few times where I've thought " f*ck it , im going to have a drink".
Eighteen months sober is a great accomplishment. If you have goals that include "getting married, having kids, buying flash cars, holidays, moving to new countries, landing dream jobs, getting a first mortage..." then stay sober and work on achieving them.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Congratulations on 18 months, James. That is a huge accomplishment.
I am retired now, but I worked for many, many years in pink collar office jobs that had me going nowhere fast.
I am a smart person, but it wasn't enough to b smart. I needed to have a skill set that an employer would value.
I went back to school, got an undergrad degree, then a master's.
I was in my 40s when I found the career that I was born to do: teaching.
It is never too late to change things up, but it isn't all that easy, either.
I agree with apple that maybe more education migh help you mov forward.
That being said, I don't know your backstory.
So...just my two cents.
Peace.
I am retired now, but I worked for many, many years in pink collar office jobs that had me going nowhere fast.
I am a smart person, but it wasn't enough to b smart. I needed to have a skill set that an employer would value.
I went back to school, got an undergrad degree, then a master's.
I was in my 40s when I found the career that I was born to do: teaching.
It is never too late to change things up, but it isn't all that easy, either.
I agree with apple that maybe more education migh help you mov forward.
That being said, I don't know your backstory.
So...just my two cents.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
Hi there James..I am 17 months... I lost my home, wife, adult sons do not talk to me, career, license, career and my health- my dad died, I was homeless and some other really heavy stuff that has compounded major depression, anxiety and PTSD.. I find motivation in every single day because I know what the alternative is. I have to force myself to take positive risks every day- to step outside my isolated comfort zone of rationalised fear. Slowly. It is not a miracle thing. It is very hard work- just like most things in life. Some people skydive, me- I have a raw talent for art and writing, so am pushing myself. I also do meetings and see a counsellor and see a doc for check ups. Changing routine helps.. Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Have you made lists of things that you would like to accomplish? Or better yet, have you made a list of the things that you have accomplished since being sober. I think there may be more positive in your life than you can see at the moment.
I have written down future wants and desires in the past like where I want to be in 5 years and where/ how i want to live and it has all come to fruition. Im quite amazed at the process. Be careful for what you ask for though. I wasnt specific and what I wanted and asked for turned out to be a nightmare.
I think this too shall pass for you and you will see where you are heading and how sobriety has been a benefit. Not that you dont see it now but maybe a list of now and the future can help you to move through this funk and into a better place mentally and emotionally.
Congrats on 18 months. You are a rock star!
I have written down future wants and desires in the past like where I want to be in 5 years and where/ how i want to live and it has all come to fruition. Im quite amazed at the process. Be careful for what you ask for though. I wasnt specific and what I wanted and asked for turned out to be a nightmare.
I think this too shall pass for you and you will see where you are heading and how sobriety has been a benefit. Not that you dont see it now but maybe a list of now and the future can help you to move through this funk and into a better place mentally and emotionally.
Congrats on 18 months. You are a rock star!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Congrats on 18 months James90! I hope to reach that milestone as well! That being said, I feel for you. My past, nothing tragic, but due to my heavy drinking, it did have an impact on things like productivity, family, friends, etc. I'm behind my peers in a lot of ways. I won't have the time to catch up, so I just have to make the best of things with the time I have left. Hope that helps in some small way.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I have found that my gratitude grows when I remove my "but..."
When I add a "but" to my thanks it kind of diminishes my gratitude.
It has taken lots of inner work to come to understand, that for myself, where I am, is where I am meant to be. It doesn't mean it is where I will stay. If I keep doing the work, I will see the fruits of my labour and so will you, James!
18 months is fantastic
Keep going, it just gets better and better
When I add a "but" to my thanks it kind of diminishes my gratitude.
It has taken lots of inner work to come to understand, that for myself, where I am, is where I am meant to be. It doesn't mean it is where I will stay. If I keep doing the work, I will see the fruits of my labour and so will you, James!
18 months is fantastic
Keep going, it just gets better and better
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Congratulations on 18 months James 💜...thats a fantastic achievement...one I imagine will have taken a lot of determination and commitment. So possessing these two qualities (and a load more I'm sure), I imagine you could achieve anything you set your mind to? Set those goals and go get'em...
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi James
Just getting sober didn't make me happy either - less unhappy maybe, but not happy.
I had to work for that.
What sobriety did give me was a clear head and a great platform onto which I could build the life I wanted and to follow my dreams
As for feeling you should be somewhere further on - someone once said to me - what if you're right where you need to be right now?
That nearly knocked me over
Since then I've worried less and less about where other people are on their journey and focused on mine.
I striven to build a good solid life full of happiness and joy.
I've had that for the last decade - sure there've been bad times too but I never lose faith that good times will come around again.
I may not be materially wealthy but I feel I'm spiritually 'well off'
D
Just getting sober didn't make me happy either - less unhappy maybe, but not happy.
I had to work for that.
What sobriety did give me was a clear head and a great platform onto which I could build the life I wanted and to follow my dreams
As for feeling you should be somewhere further on - someone once said to me - what if you're right where you need to be right now?
That nearly knocked me over
Since then I've worried less and less about where other people are on their journey and focused on mine.
I striven to build a good solid life full of happiness and joy.
I've had that for the last decade - sure there've been bad times too but I never lose faith that good times will come around again.
I may not be materially wealthy but I feel I'm spiritually 'well off'
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I know how hard it can be, but just do your very very darndest to RESIST looking upon what others have that you DON'T have *yet* but would maybe like to have....or, resist looking at where others are that you think you would like to be........try not to envy anyone else, they are likely battling demons we have no knowledge of unless we live inside their skin.
I know so SOOOooooo many people who seemingly "have it all", but they still don't have peace, contentment, or happiness. Or, they've just got their fair share of disappointments in life. They got great jobs, great incomes, kids, spouses, money, nice homes, play time, great vacations....they've traveled the world and really "lived", right? Well, yes, and no. It just depends on the person. I know many folks who don't seem to have much at all and yet, they're HAPPY. GO FIGURE!! I know people who's health has been taken away and they somehow have a beautiful joy....and it evades me sometimes how that can be....
Now, you need to be very very PLEASED with yourself that you have your sobriety....not suggesting you be proud necessarily, but DO be PLEASED....because you know what kind of GIFT you have given yourself? A better brain....and it branches out from there.....keep going.....there are still some changes you can make....never give up......
I know so SOOOooooo many people who seemingly "have it all", but they still don't have peace, contentment, or happiness. Or, they've just got their fair share of disappointments in life. They got great jobs, great incomes, kids, spouses, money, nice homes, play time, great vacations....they've traveled the world and really "lived", right? Well, yes, and no. It just depends on the person. I know many folks who don't seem to have much at all and yet, they're HAPPY. GO FIGURE!! I know people who's health has been taken away and they somehow have a beautiful joy....and it evades me sometimes how that can be....
Now, you need to be very very PLEASED with yourself that you have your sobriety....not suggesting you be proud necessarily, but DO be PLEASED....because you know what kind of GIFT you have given yourself? A better brain....and it branches out from there.....keep going.....there are still some changes you can make....never give up......
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