thomas11

I am completely vulnerable right now. For those who have been around for awhile they know that when I got hurt was when my wife left to California. Well, I dropped her off today and I'm by myself until Tuesday.
At the moment I am ok, but I need to do stuff to keep me busy and I will. Its so sad at my age I am worried about behaving badly.

Dee74

I can;t balme you for haveng thoughts Jeff, but that guy who behaved that way is not the guy you are now.

You're not 15 and planning to party cos the folks are out of town - you're a mature fully fledged adult who's been to hell and back because of his addiction.

If you need to, go read some old threads - or just roll up your rtrouser leg and look at your leg.

That was then, this is now

D

ScottFromWI

Dee is right Jeff, you are a much changed person than the one who was here during those dark times. Yeah, the AV never dissapears forever, but look at all you've done over the past year. Use the tools you have been, and maybe even try a new one if you think you'll need it while your wife is gone. We're always here.

thomas11

I'll be honest , I am shedding tears from your words because i know where they come from. I must remain strong.

AnvilheadII

it totally makes sense that you have recall on the LAST time and what happened....but this is NOT then....this is NOW. your wife is not your jailer, so her absence doesn't change anything.

i am so glad you came here and honestly expressed your thoughts.

have a good dinner. order some obnoxiously unhealthy pizza. watch a chick flick you'd NEVER admit to. dance around in your underwear. there are a LOT of things you can DO.....drinkin' just ain't one of 'em, jeff.

Dee74

You've got this, mate

D

2muchpain

Man, you have come so far. I have followed your struggles since the beginning and what you have gone through and what you have been able to accompolish (sp) has been amazing to say the least. You've been an inspiration to me and I'm sure others but I know that might not be enough when you are going through tough times.
Because I know your past pain and struggles to get sober, I really hope you will find a way to get through this. I'm counting on you man. John

SoberLeigh

You are going to be fine, Jeff, because you ARE fine.

Look within you for that well of strength; it is waiting to be tapped.

You've got this.

Gottalife

When I have been in patches like that, helping another alcoholic has always saved the day. It works when all else fails.

Anna

Jeff, we are all here for you and so proud of how far you've come. I know it happens sometimes, that you get caught up in a memory of how you were. Shake it off. You're beyond that and you've worked hard to get there. (((Jeff)))

HeartsAfire

It may not feel like it, but you're doing a great job. As I said on another thread, reaching out is half the battle.

I'm in a similar situation w/my family gone this month. I've had thoughts of drinking because "no one will ever know." But then I remember I'm 2 months away from having 3 years of precious sobriety under my belt. This thread has been a great reminder that I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago. I rewrote my story - just like you. We don't drink anymore - it's just not who we are. I,for one, thank the universe for that.

Stick around & keep posting. It works when you work it.

Delilah1

Hi Jeff,

You are so far away from who you were then. You are a constant source of support for others on SR, so let them be for you if you need it this weekend. What are your plans for while she is away? Are there any home projects that you can get started on?

least

You'll be fine. Just remember where you came from and where you are today. You don't want to give that up.

D122y

Addicts hit meetings when they crave hard. The meetings replace the drinking.

This place replaces the drinking for me.

Ive been on vacation for a week or so, have 3 weeks left.

I was cooking this morning and my wife had an old bottle of wine sitting on the counter.

Back in the day, I could chug the whole thing. I would gag a bit, but then it would be down. Then I might get some more. Then I would pass out. Wake up.... have a horrid hang over, feel weak, and be loaded with guilt and anxiety.

I would sit around thinking of reasons to drink again. Mostly because I was on vacation...no not really..i was heavily physically and mentally addicted

I grabbed the bottle and motioned like I was going to pound it, then set it down and laughed. I don't drink anymore.

Yes!

I am drinking a cup of coffee here....at 6 pm.

Probably not the best move, but 1000x better than drinking a neurotoxin that nearly cost me everything.

I accomplished so much today. It was amazing. The old me would probably be wasted and accomplished nothing.

Stay clean team.

Thanks for the post.

halfalife

Jeff,

I'm sorry you are struggling. The advice you've offered countless people, including me, has helped so many survive on really terrible and hopeless days where they were unable to go it alone.

This is just a moment in time and you're a person of really incredible strength and sober insight at this point...keep that going in the direction you've worked so hard for. Rooting for you.

Ariesagain

You haven't come this far just to turn around.

I believe in you.

Venecia

You can power through this, Jeff.

You've made tremendous strides and there's a whole community here to support you. You're among friends.

MariahGayle

And if meetings don't work for you as they didn't for me, addicts can & do find other methods to stay sober.

Your doing great Thomas!

Fly N Buy

Horseshit - cry all you want but remain sober. We sober alcoholics don't drink. It is in weakness we prevail - in the valley. It's not about how we feel it's what we do. Alcohol et al is not an option. Painting the kitchen or cleaning out the garage is however.

If you need to be around sober drunks go sit in a meeting or two. Screw alcohol.

Mags1

All the best Jeff