Why this time is harder than Dry January
 

I did a dry January this year. I thought I just needed a reset and I would be fine to drink moderately. Clearly I was wrong. Feb 1 was a Wednesday and even though I swore I wouldn't drink on weeknights after January, I drank that night - because I had to celebrate, right? And then the next...

Anyway, it occurred to me yesterday that January was 31 days, and aside from twice, when I was really angry, I had no problem giving up alcohol for 31 days. Truly didn't need any support or anything.

Why? Because I knew it was for January. Now I am thinking about a life without alcohol. Without whiskey on the porch with my dad, without wine tastings, without beer by the campfire... I just avoided those situations in January and now I need to plan my life to include my dad, camping, hanging out - all without alcohol. (But also without hangovers! Ha!)

That, my friends, is scary. So now I'm here because I definitely do need support. I am on Day 5 and feeling good. I am accepting that although I am high functioning, I am still an alcoholic, and that I am getting progressively worse. Stopping now is the rational decision, and as a scientist, I am all about the rational.

Thanks for all the support you have already given me and allowed me to give to others.

Congrats on day 5, applewakesup!

You don't have to plan your "life without". Plan on today without. Plan on your dad,camping trips,ect...without,when the time comes..One day at a time is what gets me through. Life "without" seems overwhelming at first but, once you get some time in,the camping,porch,ect..will become just another day without. Just my opinion.

I agree with DontRemember. Don't think about forever, think about today. I remember last Christmas feeling very sorry for myself that I couldn't have a glass of wine like everyone else. Between then and now something has changed. Now I want to be sober more than I want to drink. It's a subtle shift but it makes a hell of a difference. I still do all the stuff I enjoy. I just do it sober. All you got to do is give it time, one day at a time :)

I've tried to quit countless times and struggled through the "oh poor me, I can't..." stuff. This time, something has switched. I'm no longer seeing it as being deprived, but "choosing" to be better, stronger, healthier and somehow able to clearly see -- and for the first time truly believe -- that I can glamorize it all I want, but it's poison and was ruining my life.

It may sound lovely to sit on a porch and drink whiskey, but it's a lie. It was not making your relationship with your dad stronger, it was making you less present with him. You can still sit on the porch with him but be aware, healthy and your true self while doing it.

Just pouring this out .. it's not written the best. But wanted to reach out and try to help. Be excited about the new life you have ahead; don't feel sorry about losing something that was nothing but misery and a downward spiral for you and all the people around you!

I've found quite a few recovery pages that suggest the "30 day challenges" to simply no drink for a month, that's it, and it seems to work for many as having that "out" so to speak that it's only 30 days, keeps people motivated.
At the end, most will go back to drinking, only to realize they actually enjoyed being sober better, and then the true journey begins.
Though like others mention, don't look into the future with the hubble space telescope, just look into the present with your eyes and take things 24 hours a day, one day at a time. One foot in front of the other is the best way to tackle alcohol and keep it gone.

Congrats on day 5!!!!

I also agree that staying in today is way easier to manage than trying to plan your whole life alcohol free(dom) :)

And, I just want to add that the farther you get into your recovery the more joy you will find in everything, including all that you mentioned, without alcohol mucking things up!

Keep going, it gets fantastic :grouphug:

I think if you look at recovery as a positive choice you're making in your life, rather than giving up something you love, it will change your perspective. Try to not get overwhelmed with the thought of never drinking again. :)

I love this 👐👐👐👐

Thanks for all the advice. I do find myself struggling after work now. Friday after work is the most common time for me to drink. I would normally start drinking as soon as I walked in the door, if I didn't stop for happy hour on the way home. Instead I had a club soda and lime and did some crafty stuff I love to do. Honestly, this is the most uncomfortable I have felt since I decided to recover.

Early recovery is rough and uncomfortable - but don't start thinkign this is best sobriety gets. It's not - things will get easier, and better.

Hang in there :)

D

5 days is good, Apple. Be careful with THAT term 'high functioning'. I used that too- I thought that just because I look as if I was normal- it was okay. It was not, I was not. Like a car that is completely riddled with rust- to touch I and it falls into a crumbling mess..but from a distance- with all the paint work looking good- it is road worthy. Not you- me. It was all part of my self- not so convincing lies- so I could keep drinking- more...
Support to you.

Hi Apple. Congratulations on your 5 sober days.

I was getting progressively worse too - but I chose to ignore it. I was determined to make myself into a social drinker. Naturally, that was not possible. All the wasted years trying to use willpower - wish I could have them back, & give life another go - sober. You can do it.