My numbers: 49 - 13.578 - 31 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 06-08-2017, 03:22 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 33

My numbers: 49 - 13.578 - 31

What are these numbers, you ask?

Well, the first one is my age. I am 49 years old. That one's pretty simple.

The second one required some math. It's an estimate of the amount of alcohol I drank after I started sometime around my freshman year at college. Since then, my poor liver must have metabolized somewhere in the range of 13,5 tons of ethyl alcohol over 31 years.

Interestingly, 31 also happens to be my third number.

But it doesn't refer to the years I have been drinking, but the days I haven't drank since I stopped.

I wanted to reach this milestone before posting.

And I acknowledge now that I was a natural member of this distinguised club whose members' first drink will probably lead to their last one, with no real stops in between, whilst wreaking havoc along the way, causing harm and hurt all over, sadly and mostly to the immediate loved ones and one's own self.

So, as of 31 days ago, I decided to leave this club. Believe me, I needed to. And as you all know, it's not an easy club to leave. So easy to become a member, rise along the ranks, a semblance of true love and acceptance, cheers and hugs all around, up until you realize that it's The "Casa Nostra" Club, you may enter but it is sooooo hard to leave.

Well, I left. At least I haven't walked through its doors for the past 31 days.

And so I find myself a very new member of this other Club. One that is truly difficult to get into. Difficult to stay in. Struggle, struggle.. and struggle some more. The Sober Club. (by the way, at first glance some of the synonyms for sober are not very cheerful: serious, somber, grave, sensible and so on..)

They say that the human brain is conditioned to forget the bad and remember the good. I think I read it somewhere that it is genetic, in other words wired in our system because, well.. otherwise, women apparently wouldn't give birth a second time. And we must all admit that wouldn't be good for the propagation of the species.

So, when I look over across the street to the Club I left, and imagine in some incurable part of my brain that the good times will probably continue to roll over there, I stop. I push myself to remember the pain, to remember the hurt and the bad. Otherwise, it is so easy to slip back, slam open the doors and run right back in there... and I know what I will soon meet again: the pain, the hurt and the bad.

That's my story. I will continue making this effort. Who knows, with time, I hope to become a permanent member.

Anyway, there is really no alternative.

By the way, here are some other synonyms for "sober":

Earnest, responsible, thoughtful. Doesn't seem too bad now, does it?

Hence the user name I chose: 13,5 tons is roughly the equivalent of a small tanker. You know, the ones that transport milk, water and other assorted liquids.

Thanks for accepting me to the new club. I am happy to be here.

Hello all, my tanker is full.
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The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Tankersfull For This Useful Post:
CreativeThinker (06-08-2017), FeelingL0st (06-08-2017), Hevyn (06-08-2017), HTown (06-08-2017), Julia8 (06-09-2017), least (06-08-2017), PhoenixJ (06-08-2017), seahorse661 (06-09-2017), SoberInStAlbans (06-09-2017), WeaverBird (06-08-2017)
Old 06-08-2017, 03:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Tankersfull

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Old 06-08-2017, 07:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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thanks, welcome to you
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
Learning to live again
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Pleased to have you with us, Tankersfull.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 06-08-2017, 07:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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Location: eastern USA
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Welcome to the family and congrats on the first of many sober months! I hope our support and your determination can help you stay sober for good.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 06-08-2017, 07:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome Tank! Glad you're here!
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
~Mohandas Gandhi

"Plan the Work, Work the Plan!"

Sober date: 2/22/17
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