I'm on my wits end...
 

Greetings to everyone. I have been reading this forum on and off and finally decided to register.

I'm 35 years old, have been drinking "professionally" since 22. Have lived alone for a long time and now live with my girlfriend at my place for 1.5 years, was about to make a proposal. I have been verbally abusive to her a couple of times, but yesterday it got out of hand.

To describe how bad the things are, her dad died last Saturday. She cried a lot and I tried to support her as I can. But (what an insanity!) I decided to have a beer yesterday, then went to the shop and got loaded - you know how this happens. And sent her a photo from a bar. When she got home she was mad at me, and I got defensive and started talking all kind of nonsense and even accused her of the things she never did! i really have a dirty mouth when wasted. She bursted into tears, and in the morning left without saying a word.

I've done many bad things including DUI and loss of friendships and respect from people while drunk, and now I feel my life is ruined. I don't know what to do now... Can even barely write.

Welcome.

It seem that alcohol no longer agrees with you and too many bad consequences are resulting from your drinking.

Are you here to get sober? For good?

Yes you do.

That's why you're here.
You might not know HOW to do it.
That's also why you're here.
We can help with that.

Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

I'm scared to say this, but Yes. I'm sober today, and preparing to call my GF and really have no words to say :(

The alcohol will cause nothing but destruction in your life and those around you. Perhaps start hitting up some AA meetings to show her you are serious about better sober, and for yourself.
Things will get nothing but worse if the alcohol is still in the picture.

I'm glad you are sober today.

Accept booze is not for you, stop- get help, AA meetings is a good start.

Commit to recovery and change your life. You'll be happy you made the choice.

Yeah, you do know what to do. You may not want to do it, though. I hope you decide to stop drinking. It sounds like alcohol is causing many problems in your life. Good job on being sober today!

For most of us our lives are pretty messed up when we decide to retire our drinking careers. And for many of us it stays that way for a while, while we straighten ourselves out, heal and learn to deal with life on life's terms while trying to salvage or fix up some of the damage of our past.

That's ok. You're not alone. It's not always easy, but if you stay sober and committed, it's doable, and you will have help.
And, it does get better.

My life is no walk in the park. Some days I want to give up. Like right now, I just want to throw in the towel.
But I know, beyond any doubt, that my life was once so much more incredibly worse and I don't ever want to go back to that.
I have to accept some things for what they are.
And change the things that I know I have the possibility to.
And the longer I stay sober, and the harder I try, the more courage I have to walk forward in this life.
If I can do it, you can too.
:)

Welcome to SR. You will find endless support and encouragement here. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but drinking has consequences for people like us. Sometimes they are severe. You have the ability to turn things around, you're still pretty young. I wish you the best.

Welcome to SR, I hope this forum helps you as much as me. I wish I had made the decision to stay sober at your age instead of waiting an additional 25 years. A lot of things I am not particularly proud of would never had happened. Good luck!

Thanks a lot for all the replies! Each time I mess up, I quit for several days, then I think I can have a few and won't be drunk and screw up again. The worst thing is that I don't screw up every time I drink, but it always happens when I'm wasted. I'm terrified ow what could happen next when I even don't remember most part of the evening!

Like everyone else here I think this is your warning shot Adrian.
I had one of those too but kept drinking and my life ended up indescribably worse.

I lost a lot of things and people I cared about.

The important thing tho is you need to do this for you - not for your gf oir for anyone else.

You sound like you really sincerely want to change - you need to remember that next time you get the idea to 'have a few'.

Sounds like you've really hurt some people close to you.

If you can't guarantee what will happen when you drink, what you're really doing is gambling with your life and every person and thing in it.

It's not easy - but it's not impossible either :)
There's a ton of good advice and support here :)

D