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Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June

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Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June

Old 06-08-2017, 02:47 AM
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saoutchik
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Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June

The two years prior to me finally quitting booze (and dear God this has to be the final time!) I was so chemically addicted to alcohol that I had even stopped bothering to lie to myself that there would be any moderation, every time I opened the bottle I was going to drink to blackout and that was it.

But for many years before I plumbed those spectacular depths I had an alcohol problem of course but there was something else going on too. It took me a long time to figure out that I lacked self respect or self esteem if you prefer.

I needed others to like me and this drove me to go on what I believed to be popularity increasing nights out where, with the help of alcohol I believed that if I not the very life and soul of the party then I was at least an essential part of it.

The problem was that this mirage of fun and popularity was ruining my life. It made me lie or disseminate to my wife. It meant that I was always broke. At work and at home I became unreliable, forgetting things I said I would do, forgetting conversations and not turning up at all - unless it involved booze. All to gain a bit of approval.

Since quitting I have learned that with a bit of effort it is relatively easy to detach from other peoples opinions as well as the more obvious fact that being drunk does not endear me to most people.

I am not sure if this behaviour will resonate with anyone but if it does then why not give a sobriety a real try this weekend because the last place anyone wants to be is where I was at age 54.

There are loads of alternatives to just going out drinking - see Anna's "Sticky" at the top of the page to get a few ideas - anything has to be better than carrying on in the same self destructive way and there are many upsides as I am sure you are alll aware.

This weekend open up the bottle of self respect and pour yourself a large one.




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Old 06-08-2017, 03:27 AM
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Shotgun!

I'm shocked and overjoyed!

Thanks for the opening, Sao. I've always been a people pleaser, too. Even now, there are certain people whose good or bad opinion can make or break me.

My self-esteem should stand on its own (and as a Christian I believe that my identity and worth are given by God himself).

Since I've been in recovery, I don't care what the public thinks of me anymore: I put stock only in people I particularly admire or have daily dealings with.

That's fine to care about whether I'm appreciated by those close to me--but it shouldn't be allowed to make or break my day.
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Old 06-08-2017, 03:31 AM
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Nice girls do NOT play with shotguns Gilly. Remember, young lady- pride cometh before the fall. Mind- I probably would not tell you that if you were holding a shotgun. Long w/end coming up here. 2000 Thursday now. Queen's first birthday. She has 2- depending. I have 364 un-birthday's.
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Old 06-08-2017, 03:44 AM
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Myself, I was a recluse. Even within a crowd of drinking people, I preferred to sit alone and drink while my wife worked the room (And she didn't drink). There were other fellows like me, at their table or sometimes at mine. We would not speak, just get up occasionally to re-fill our glasses. To quote Trump "Sad".

Thanks for the opener Sao.
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Old 06-08-2017, 03:44 AM
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Who is Queen, PJ?
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Old 06-08-2017, 03:46 AM
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Thanks, Sao. I'm in for a sober weekend!
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Old 06-08-2017, 04:30 AM
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Count me in!
Have a good, sober one, folks at SR.
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Old 06-08-2017, 04:50 AM
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Congratulations on shotgun Glimmer!

I think PJ might be referring to her majesty the Queen's "official" birthday - unlike us subjects she has two birthdays and two lots of birthday cake a year.

I would never turn down an opportunity to drink for fear of being left out but I just got to the stage where I ruined everything that was most precious to me.
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:22 AM
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Thanks for the great opener (as usual) Saou!

Congrats on shotgun Gilmer

I love sobriety, I love it far more than I ever loved partying. In fact, I guffaw at the fact that I used to proudly refer to myself as a party animal. Who knew? I love the fact that I am 100% accountable for my actions. That what I say now holds water and can be trusted.

That I am living life, really living life and not looking for joy at the bottom of a bottle. I sure emptied enough of them before I came to that realization.

To all of you here who are contemplating sobriety, or are in the throes of the beginning, or who are enjoying longer term sobriety, I raise my reclaimed self respect glass to all of you and say CHEERS!

Have a great weekend everyone!
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:58 AM
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I feel you Sao. Even though I did most of my drinking at home, I had to be the life of the party when I was out. I thought I had to be entertaining to be liked. I never tried to engage in thoughtful conversations. I was always looking for my next one-liner to get a laugh. Or maybe buy a round for the house if it seemed like the normies around me would approve. I was The Nonsensical Show...or I was in the corner wondering why people didn't like me and wishing I could get home to start some real drinking.

I'm still working on my chit chat skills, but it's a lot easier than it used to be.
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:34 AM
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Gilly- yep- Lizzy's birthday. The holiday is for the convenience of the masses.
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:50 AM
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Make mine a double- I WILL reach Monday morning happy, content, sober and proud of myself
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:53 AM
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Sao, thank you for the new thread and a thought provoking opener. It resonates with me very much.
I am heading for a week's holiday to my brother and his wife. He drinks a lot and gauges people's worth by their profession and earning capacity. He is disdainful of me because I gave up a good profession. I'm still trying to build a better relationship with him as we all get older, hence my trip. The last time I was with him and my sister and extended family 18 months ago, I felt like a pariah because I wasn't drinking. They all were and the rubbish they spouted off! Same old tired family stories. Anyway, staying close to SR was a lifesaver. I will be close by again!
A good and safe, sober weekend to all.
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:45 AM
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I'm in!
Thanks Sao-
The "upsides"are immeasurable. ..self respect and self love are only a couple. No more shame and self loathing.
life is so much better -
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Old 06-08-2017, 08:52 AM
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Count me in! Heck, or most likely any weekend this year.
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Old 06-08-2017, 10:07 AM
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Welcome to the Weekenders Thread StartAnew and Upstairs!

Good luck Leshar, all too many people make the mistake of judging a persons value by their salary or possessions. I think this too shows a lack of self esteem as it says people have no value in themselves.

Originally Posted by PhoenixJ View Post
Gilly- yep- Lizzy's birthday. The holiday is for the convenience of the masses.
Now let me get this straight, Australians, who have been trying to become a republic for decades, get a days holiday for her birthday which isn't even her real birthday whilst her put upon subjects in the UK have to toil away in the freezing rain? Why it's not cricket.
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Old 06-08-2017, 10:18 AM
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Thanks for the opener Sao. I'm definitely in for a sober weekend filled with positive thoughts and grateful for the return of my self-esteem.

Make it a great one all!
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:37 PM
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Nice one Sao! Good to see everyone!

Starting to be nice in Maine. Was dreary, cold and rainy until about yesterday. Nice weather ahead.

K
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:47 PM
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Thanks Sao...Count me in 😊

One of the things I am most looking forward to about sobriety is that my behaviour and actions will no longer be in conflict with my values and beliefs. This will increase my self-respect.

I am kicking off a long weekend with a spa day at a 5* hotel tomorrow...lots of pampering, relaxation, a massage, a swim, time in the jacuzzi, herbal teas and water...can't wait 💜
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:49 PM
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I'll have a double shot of self respect! Since I'm sober I finally respect myself again and it's wonderful.

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