Pour yourself a shot of Self Respect Weekender 10th - 12th June
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Morning everyone, thank you all for your kind words.
My friends will be off to Le Mans this morning and I am feeling disappointment that I am not going. That is probably not what I should be feeling but there we are.
My friends will be off to Le Mans this morning and I am feeling disappointment that I am not going. That is probably not what I should be feeling but there we are.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
I had some bad news today, my mum died.
It was not a total surprise as she nearly died a month ago. We were estranged so I am not grieving and I won't be drinking over it but it makes me aware of my own mortality.
It was not a total surprise as she nearly died a month ago. We were estranged so I am not grieving and I won't be drinking over it but it makes me aware of my own mortality.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Hi Sao,
Joining others in condolences for your mum. I had a "complicated" relationship with my mother and ambivalent feelings when she died. I definitely felt like I should (or should not) have had some of the feelings I did.
I've started a meditation practice recently. And though I am a fledgling practictioner, I'm learning to try to look at what I do without judgment. I hope you can do that too during this time (e.g., being disappointed about not going with your friends to Le Mans). Your feelings are neither right nor wrong; they are just what you are experiencing in the moment.
I also wanted to say how much I enjoyed your opener, and how I often enjoy each week's opener. I find your honesty and reflection, and how you shape your ideas, to be quite compelling. Thanks for putting the time into them that you do.
Joining others in condolences for your mum. I had a "complicated" relationship with my mother and ambivalent feelings when she died. I definitely felt like I should (or should not) have had some of the feelings I did.
I've started a meditation practice recently. And though I am a fledgling practictioner, I'm learning to try to look at what I do without judgment. I hope you can do that too during this time (e.g., being disappointed about not going with your friends to Le Mans). Your feelings are neither right nor wrong; they are just what you are experiencing in the moment.
I also wanted to say how much I enjoyed your opener, and how I often enjoy each week's opener. I find your honesty and reflection, and how you shape your ideas, to be quite compelling. Thanks for putting the time into them that you do.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Sorry, Sao 
I drank last night, and caused myself to be severely dehydrated this morning. I got sent to the ER because I kept having episodes of syncope (very nearly passing out, everything was going dark). When you're very dehydrated it decreases your blood volume, making it harder for your heart to perfuse both your brain and your extremities, so it goes hey brain, I think we need to lie down immediately. Not very fun.
I felt better after lying down a few minutes but it happened again when I stood for 2-3 minutes so my instructor made me either call for a ride or go to the er.. and I didn't want to bother my mom.. or go to the er and I was a little difficult.. but also I think a little confused. When I finally did go to the er I had trouble responding to simple questions.
They didn't do much. They couldn't get an IV in, so they had me drink water. I still feel very lightheaded, just trying to take it easy and drink water so I am on my feet tomorrow... and stay on them. I have to make up the clinical day but not on maternity, on the cardiopulmonary unit at the end of the semester.
My buddy that wheeled me down to the er knows me well. Soon as the elevator doors closed, he says what did you do? I did keep it to myself that I drank..
If it were graveyard shift in the er, I would have told the doc more and maybe gotten a script for something that would help with what I'm struggling with, but it was a mad house at 9am, and I saw too many sets of scrubs the same color as mine.. not students from my class but from my school. So I stuck to my story and got my note.
I have to get on some kind of medication soon.. and lay off booze.. I can't sleep without it though and I get anxiety and shakes so bad.
I wasn't thinking clearly when the doctor saw me either.. or I would have just quietly brought it up.. he could have been discreet about it. But I didn't want to risk him saying something to one of the nurses in earshot of a student or who knows who else was in the dept. And again at the time I was in a mental fog.. that's also a dehydration symptom..
Back to icing the hematoma on the back of my hand from their one attempt at getting an IV in me!
I drank last night, and caused myself to be severely dehydrated this morning. I got sent to the ER because I kept having episodes of syncope (very nearly passing out, everything was going dark). When you're very dehydrated it decreases your blood volume, making it harder for your heart to perfuse both your brain and your extremities, so it goes hey brain, I think we need to lie down immediately. Not very fun.
I felt better after lying down a few minutes but it happened again when I stood for 2-3 minutes so my instructor made me either call for a ride or go to the er.. and I didn't want to bother my mom.. or go to the er and I was a little difficult.. but also I think a little confused. When I finally did go to the er I had trouble responding to simple questions.
They didn't do much. They couldn't get an IV in, so they had me drink water. I still feel very lightheaded, just trying to take it easy and drink water so I am on my feet tomorrow... and stay on them. I have to make up the clinical day but not on maternity, on the cardiopulmonary unit at the end of the semester.
My buddy that wheeled me down to the er knows me well. Soon as the elevator doors closed, he says what did you do? I did keep it to myself that I drank..
If it were graveyard shift in the er, I would have told the doc more and maybe gotten a script for something that would help with what I'm struggling with, but it was a mad house at 9am, and I saw too many sets of scrubs the same color as mine.. not students from my class but from my school. So I stuck to my story and got my note.
I have to get on some kind of medication soon.. and lay off booze.. I can't sleep without it though and I get anxiety and shakes so bad.
I wasn't thinking clearly when the doctor saw me either.. or I would have just quietly brought it up.. he could have been discreet about it. But I didn't want to risk him saying something to one of the nurses in earshot of a student or who knows who else was in the dept. And again at the time I was in a mental fog.. that's also a dehydration symptom..
Back to icing the hematoma on the back of my hand from their one attempt at getting an IV in me!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
For the love of all that is holy in this world. I actually just considering going out for a six pack. We got issues, big time.
ETA: I admit way to too much, presuming fellow alcoholics get it... reality is, some of you with long stretches of sobriety or even if you're in your early days and your pink bubble.. you read this and can't get your mind around it. So it's okay, I understand..
ETA: I admit way to too much, presuming fellow alcoholics get it... reality is, some of you with long stretches of sobriety or even if you're in your early days and your pink bubble.. you read this and can't get your mind around it. So it's okay, I understand..
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
ETA: I admit way to too much, presuming fellow alcoholics get it... reality is, some of you with long stretches of sobriety or even if you're in your early days and your pink bubble.. you read this and can't get your mind around it. So it's okay, I understand..
I hope you can get help before it's to late - take a minute and really think about the gravity of what just tranpsired and what you are risking by your behavior. You need help.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Because I am an alcoholic myself I absolutely "get it" BrendaChenowyth. No matter how destructive it is to our health, career or relationships we HAVE to drink. You have quit for 6 months before so you are able to do it but clearly in terms of mentality you are not in a place where can stop.
I would really recommend some form of counselling or outside help if you can access it, at least with your connections you have a chance of finding some help and I would hope that they would encourage people to seek help.
I would really recommend some form of counselling or outside help if you can access it, at least with your connections you have a chance of finding some help and I would hope that they would encourage people to seek help.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It really doesn't matter if we get our minds around it Brenda. And to be quite frank it doesn't matter if you "understand that we don't get it", what really matters is that you realize what's going on. You just ended up in the ER because of your drinking and then lied to the doctors and your friends about why you were there. Until you "get it" none of the rest really matters all that much.
I hope you can get help before it's to late - take a minute and really think about the gravity of what just tranpsired and what you are risking by your behavior. You need help.
I hope you can get help before it's to late - take a minute and really think about the gravity of what just tranpsired and what you are risking by your behavior. You need help.
And yes, I get it. I understand.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by saoutchik
Because I am an alcoholic myself I absolutely "get it" BrendaChenowyth. No matter how destructive it is to our health, career or relationships we HAVE to drink. You have quit for 6 months before so you are able to do it but clearly in terms of mentality you are not in a place where can stop.
I would really recommend some form of counselling or outside help if you can access it, at least with your connections you have a chance of finding some help and I would hope that they would encourage people to seek help.
I would really recommend some form of counselling or outside help if you can access it, at least with your connections you have a chance of finding some help and I would hope that they would encourage people to seek help.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
It matters to ME that I'm not completely alone in this. I guess it's not supposed to...
We are a community of support and when we see things happen like what just happened to you, it makes people very concerned - because we have seen really bad things happen to ourselves, and those around here. Getting taken to the ER involuntarily because of your drinking ( and it's happened to me before ) is about as serious as it gets.
I know you don't like sharing what you are doing for your recovery, and you don't necessarily like discussing it either - you like using SR as an escape. That's fine too, but you can't also dismiss the fact that you will get the kind of responses you get when you come to us with a dire situation. We all take this business VERY seriously and we want you to as well.
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