Not sure where to start..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 6
Not sure where to start..
I am not sure where to start.. as I type this message I wonder if I need to even post it.. I am a father of 3, 4yr, 3yr and 1month old. Married Happily, house, car, job.. I work out 7 days a week and stay in shape. I enjoy my kids, consider myself a great dad, hubby etc... but with ease I can drink 6-10 drinks a night and do so 5 days or more a week..
I don't drink to get wasted, I don't crave it. I am home a ton as I work from home and if does help pass the time better. I love grilling, watching sports and etc and it just seems to come hand in hand.. My dad passed away 6 months ago and sadly I tried to use drinking as a excuse but it didn't make me any happier just kind of gave me a mental pass. I dont drink to get away or anything.. just love beer and whiskey?
I do hide my drinking from my wife mostly due to my tolernace.. she may think I have had 2-3 beers or a shot but its way morer.. I can function really well with 6-8 shots and often you wouldn't even know I was drinking.. I am not sure what to do.. I guess I feel like I am at the point where my health is the main reason to stop as no matter how I function in life my liver will feel the pain but I also do not want to eliminate it completely.. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks
I don't drink to get wasted, I don't crave it. I am home a ton as I work from home and if does help pass the time better. I love grilling, watching sports and etc and it just seems to come hand in hand.. My dad passed away 6 months ago and sadly I tried to use drinking as a excuse but it didn't make me any happier just kind of gave me a mental pass. I dont drink to get away or anything.. just love beer and whiskey?
I do hide my drinking from my wife mostly due to my tolernace.. she may think I have had 2-3 beers or a shot but its way morer.. I can function really well with 6-8 shots and often you wouldn't even know I was drinking.. I am not sure what to do.. I guess I feel like I am at the point where my health is the main reason to stop as no matter how I function in life my liver will feel the pain but I also do not want to eliminate it completely.. any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR lifeisworthit. I think you actually started already by sharing your story with us! And it's definitely confusing to decide what to do about our drinking so don't worry if you are still having doubts.
Ultimately, you'll need to be the one who decides if alcohol is a problem for you or not. I can say there a whole bunch of "red flags" in your message that would indicate that it is a problem:
* Binge drinking several days a week
* Hiding your drinking from your wife
* Increased tolerance
* Using alcohol to help "pass the time better"
* Bargaining with yourself as to whether alcohol is a problem or not.
Having said that, have you ever just tried quitting for a week or two to see what happens? If you don't drink to get wasted or don't crave it then it shouldn't be a problem, right?
If you do decide that it is a problem, "cutting back" will not likely solve it. The essence of addiction is that we cannot control our consumption - so if you truly are an alcoholic, abstinence is the only solution. That's not a bad thing at all though....in fact it's a better way to live for those of us that are alcoholics.
Ultimately, you'll need to be the one who decides if alcohol is a problem for you or not. I can say there a whole bunch of "red flags" in your message that would indicate that it is a problem:
* Binge drinking several days a week
* Hiding your drinking from your wife
* Increased tolerance
* Using alcohol to help "pass the time better"
* Bargaining with yourself as to whether alcohol is a problem or not.
Having said that, have you ever just tried quitting for a week or two to see what happens? If you don't drink to get wasted or don't crave it then it shouldn't be a problem, right?
If you do decide that it is a problem, "cutting back" will not likely solve it. The essence of addiction is that we cannot control our consumption - so if you truly are an alcoholic, abstinence is the only solution. That's not a bad thing at all though....in fact it's a better way to live for those of us that are alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 91
Hi there, I can relate to that situation. I was never a sloppy drinker , always standing straight and never slurring my words, I too hid drinking from my spouse. A sneaky one here and there and filling the glass when someone left the room. I really think if that's road your heading down it might be time to answer a few difficult questions truthfully. I have a feeling you may already know the answers.
There are great people here to give abundant support and advice and I would say to you take it with both hands! This is the best place for you to start , wishing you all the best. I'm only day 4!
Good luck with everything
There are great people here to give abundant support and advice and I would say to you take it with both hands! This is the best place for you to start , wishing you all the best. I'm only day 4!
Good luck with everything
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Hi and welcome. We are so glad you are here.
SR is a wonderful resource; you are fortunate to have found it. I am new here, but there are so many wise and experienced people in this community who can point you in the right direction.
I can sympathize and relate and I know that you are doing the right thing in seeking help. Your screen name says it all: "Life is worth it." Your family is worth it. Your health is worth it. YOU are worth it. You know the cycle you've been on is no good and, from all I know, it WILL progress and get worse.
I, too, hid drinking from my family. But eventally the effects aren't hidden at all. All that is good, real, healthy and meaningful goes by the wayside, taken up instead by nothing but waiting to drink, thinking about drink, hiding drink, recovering from drink.
Your children are still so young.. now's your chance to head this off, to be a good example for them and to be fully present for them. My kids are the same age range as yours, but teen-agers now. My wake up call was my youngest calling me out, finally, on my secretive drinking. I want to be a better mother and wife, and live a better life for myself, unashamed and healthy.
Please stick around here, read and post often! There is so much compassion and wisdom here. I know others will welcome you soon and give you help on how to start. You've taken the first step.
SR is a wonderful resource; you are fortunate to have found it. I am new here, but there are so many wise and experienced people in this community who can point you in the right direction.
I can sympathize and relate and I know that you are doing the right thing in seeking help. Your screen name says it all: "Life is worth it." Your family is worth it. Your health is worth it. YOU are worth it. You know the cycle you've been on is no good and, from all I know, it WILL progress and get worse.
I, too, hid drinking from my family. But eventally the effects aren't hidden at all. All that is good, real, healthy and meaningful goes by the wayside, taken up instead by nothing but waiting to drink, thinking about drink, hiding drink, recovering from drink.
Your children are still so young.. now's your chance to head this off, to be a good example for them and to be fully present for them. My kids are the same age range as yours, but teen-agers now. My wake up call was my youngest calling me out, finally, on my secretive drinking. I want to be a better mother and wife, and live a better life for myself, unashamed and healthy.
Please stick around here, read and post often! There is so much compassion and wisdom here. I know others will welcome you soon and give you help on how to start. You've taken the first step.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 6
thanks
I can say with confidence I have a problem I just dont know yet how I want to solve it.. I guess you make excuses when you are not at rock bottom when the obvious action is needed.. I dont have family and friends worrying about me or I am not failing as a father or hubby so its on ME.. I think it is good to stop for a week and see if in fact I do change.. i have three young kids and needless to say those loads of laundry and dishes are easy to take on with a little edge taken off.. I am glad I took the step to post on here.. I really wanted to see if there were other high functioning alcoholics that may have a story like mine..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Lifeisworthit,
I think you'll meet many "high functioning" people just like you here. I managed to hide it from just about everyone. I am a busy mom, successful in my work, active in our school, community and church, but I was deadening myself with wine late at night, literally amid the laundry and dishes, as you describe. Even my closest friends didn't know. Late at night I was pouring wine into plastic cups secretly and hiding them so my husband wouldn't know how much I was drinking. Telling him I was quitting, but then hiding it completely.
You may feel your have high tolerance now, but you'll drink more and more, and little by little your mornings will start being harder and harder, your sleep less restful, your workouts harder, your chores more exhausting. Alcohol makes your life get smaller and smaller, down to the bare minimum.
That's no way to live. Your intuition is telling you you're on an unhealthy path. Good for you for listening to it!
I think you'll meet many "high functioning" people just like you here. I managed to hide it from just about everyone. I am a busy mom, successful in my work, active in our school, community and church, but I was deadening myself with wine late at night, literally amid the laundry and dishes, as you describe. Even my closest friends didn't know. Late at night I was pouring wine into plastic cups secretly and hiding them so my husband wouldn't know how much I was drinking. Telling him I was quitting, but then hiding it completely.
You may feel your have high tolerance now, but you'll drink more and more, and little by little your mornings will start being harder and harder, your sleep less restful, your workouts harder, your chores more exhausting. Alcohol makes your life get smaller and smaller, down to the bare minimum.
That's no way to live. Your intuition is telling you you're on an unhealthy path. Good for you for listening to it!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family! 
I tried, without success, to 'control' my drinking. It was easier for me to quit drinking completely than to control it.
Give yourself a month sober and see how you feel then. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
I tried, without success, to 'control' my drinking. It was easier for me to quit drinking completely than to control it.Give yourself a month sober and see how you feel then. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 6
Very true.. I do find some mornings to be rough but I guess I have pushed through.. I cant always count on being able to tough it out.. I have found that about a year ago I was drinking half as much, half as often.. I think my last day without a drink was before my son was born and hes 6 weeks old.. sometimes you just need to hear it and I appreciate you all telling me..
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Lifeisworthit 
I don't drink to get wasted, I don't crave it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by tealily
You may feel your have high tolerance now, but you'll drink more and more, and little by little your mornings will start being harder and harder, your sleep less restful, your workouts harder, your chores more exhausting. Alcohol makes your life get smaller and smaller, down to the bare minimum.
That's no way to live. Your intuition is telling you you're on an unhealthy path. Good for you for listening to it!
That's no way to live. Your intuition is telling you you're on an unhealthy path. Good for you for listening to it!
^^^^^This is so true and brilliant. Wish I would have thought of it! Your world gets smaller and smaller with alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 91
I agree , it took 8/9 years for the additiction to really take hold of me. Never missed work , always have a clean and tidy home and appearance.
Having a drink at the end of the day felt like throwing a warm blanket around my shoulders when I got to the end of the day . I can't count the nights I spent watching tv and cradling a glass.
I didn't even see it happening because it was such a slow process.
Having a drink at the end of the day felt like throwing a warm blanket around my shoulders when I got to the end of the day . I can't count the nights I spent watching tv and cradling a glass.
I didn't even see it happening because it was such a slow process.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi lifeiseorthit and welcome
Like Carl says if drinking is no big deal to you then you should be able to go teetotal for 3 months at least to prove that to yourself.
who knows you may like the sober life?
What I do know is alcoholism is progressive - for ten years I never missed a days work, was always were I wanted or needed to be..but I blitzed myself into unconsciousness late at night..at first the weekends, hen it crept into the weeknights too...
My second ten years drinking? I was a very public, very sloppy, very out of control drunk.
I recommend jumping off the crazy train now rather than later.
D
Like Carl says if drinking is no big deal to you then you should be able to go teetotal for 3 months at least to prove that to yourself.
who knows you may like the sober life?
What I do know is alcoholism is progressive - for ten years I never missed a days work, was always were I wanted or needed to be..but I blitzed myself into unconsciousness late at night..at first the weekends, hen it crept into the weeknights too...
My second ten years drinking? I was a very public, very sloppy, very out of control drunk.
I recommend jumping off the crazy train now rather than later.
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Lifeisworthit
I do find some mornings to be rough but I guess I have pushed through.. I cant always count on being able to tough it out.. I have found that about a year ago I was drinking half as much, half as often..
I wish when I still drank like you I had been smart enough to quit. I knew it was a problem then, but I wanted any other solution than to quit. I wasted so much by continuing to drink - time, trust, opportunity, etc.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
H, Life, and welcome.
Now is a good time to quit. Any time is a good time to quit, but quitting while you are on the younger side is the best idea ever.
Your body and brain will heal fast.
I think that alcohol, taken over a period of time, leeches everything from us: ambition, ability, functionality, capacity to love and be loved.
Do it now. You will not regret it.
Now is a good time to quit. Any time is a good time to quit, but quitting while you are on the younger side is the best idea ever.
Your body and brain will heal fast.
I think that alcohol, taken over a period of time, leeches everything from us: ambition, ability, functionality, capacity to love and be loved.
Do it now. You will not regret it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 101
I woke up so many Monday mornings and looked at my ragged a$$ and said in the mirror you are an alcoholic and you have to stop. I didn't try for a long time and it burned me. You know now where you are at. Trust me and all of us that it only grows and festers and gets so much worse. When I first entered treatment everyone including my wife was in shock. No one knew the depths I had sunk to. My kids are young too and I no longer want to be the drunk dad. I want to experience life with me. Get this now while you can. Coming here is a huge step. Go to AA. Get support, gain wisdom, and live dude. It's so much better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think you started out just right.
I could have said a lot of the very same things about where I was at in my thirties.
It's remarkable how quickly things went downhill.
In a matter of a few years my drinking had changed markedly.
Previously I'd managed to mostly hold it all together.
Once I started hiding my drinking to mask the reality and my tolerance had increased to the point that I was needing to drink more and more.... the ball really began rollling.
Next thing I knew, I woke up one day and I was drinking in the morning. Going to the liquor store on the way home.... drinking before I got home.... going on a "walk" just so I could go slam down a pint......
I really am not sure where the tipping point was between 'holding it all together' and totally losing control. I don't suppose it really matters. And in hindsight I was not holding anything together nearly as well as I believed.
I wish I'd pulled my head out of denial when I was back where you are now and really gotten it and embraced sobriety fully. I'd be way further in life now and would have saved myself a lot of misery.
But I'm glad I'm now 3.5 years sober and life is a million times better.
I'm glad you popped in. You're asking all the right questions. You've painted a picture for us in just a short post that - if you look at it and are honest with yourself - reveals some very telling things about your relationship with alcohol.
I promise you.... I absolutely promise and GURANTEE you, if you choose to embrace sobriety and do everything it takes to live a present, rich, deep, meaningful life without alcohol - it will be rewarding beyond your wildest conception. It will come back to you, to your children, to your wife, to the whole experience of your life a millionfold.
It's all up to you though. You have to make a choice.
Does alcohol mean so much to me that I'm willing to risk losing all I have?
Or does my life and all the people in it and all I've got going for me represent just the leaping-off point of a life of grateful abundance in sobriety - and is that vision worth more to me than booze?
Up to you. We are here to help.
I could have said a lot of the very same things about where I was at in my thirties.
It's remarkable how quickly things went downhill.
In a matter of a few years my drinking had changed markedly.
Previously I'd managed to mostly hold it all together.
Once I started hiding my drinking to mask the reality and my tolerance had increased to the point that I was needing to drink more and more.... the ball really began rollling.
Next thing I knew, I woke up one day and I was drinking in the morning. Going to the liquor store on the way home.... drinking before I got home.... going on a "walk" just so I could go slam down a pint......
I really am not sure where the tipping point was between 'holding it all together' and totally losing control. I don't suppose it really matters. And in hindsight I was not holding anything together nearly as well as I believed.
I wish I'd pulled my head out of denial when I was back where you are now and really gotten it and embraced sobriety fully. I'd be way further in life now and would have saved myself a lot of misery.
But I'm glad I'm now 3.5 years sober and life is a million times better.
I'm glad you popped in. You're asking all the right questions. You've painted a picture for us in just a short post that - if you look at it and are honest with yourself - reveals some very telling things about your relationship with alcohol.
I promise you.... I absolutely promise and GURANTEE you, if you choose to embrace sobriety and do everything it takes to live a present, rich, deep, meaningful life without alcohol - it will be rewarding beyond your wildest conception. It will come back to you, to your children, to your wife, to the whole experience of your life a millionfold.
It's all up to you though. You have to make a choice.
Does alcohol mean so much to me that I'm willing to risk losing all I have?
Or does my life and all the people in it and all I've got going for me represent just the leaping-off point of a life of grateful abundance in sobriety - and is that vision worth more to me than booze?
Up to you. We are here to help.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Life,
Great job on seeing the fire building.
Imo....you are addicted. You are fully addicted.
Quitting for 90 days then starting again will continue the brain/body frying process.
Booze is a highly addictive neurotoxin.
Look in the mirror and see an addict for life and you will be in the right mindset to defeat your addiction and embrace how we are intended to live....sober.
When you think it is time for a drink...for whatever reason, that is when the mental battle begins.
Thanks.
Great job on seeing the fire building.
Imo....you are addicted. You are fully addicted.
Quitting for 90 days then starting again will continue the brain/body frying process.
Booze is a highly addictive neurotoxin.
Look in the mirror and see an addict for life and you will be in the right mindset to defeat your addiction and embrace how we are intended to live....sober.
When you think it is time for a drink...for whatever reason, that is when the mental battle begins.
Thanks.
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