applewakesup

Today is Day 2, which means it's day one of waking up clear and not needing pain reliever to start the day.

I did a sober January, and then went right back to my old ways in February. I was hoping for a reset, but when I am actively drinking it is always on my mind. It has filled my head for years and I am tired of it.

I have never sought any help with this, and I'm hoping I can learn and apply what I read here and elsewhere.

Thanks for the support!
-Beverly

kenton

Hi Beverly,

I used to do sober Januarys. I think I did a couple of sober Novembers too. But they would always be followed by a Don't Remember December or What happened to February? Once the sober month was over I'd just make up for lost time and drink harder.

Only way for me is to be sober all the time. Forever. I used to spend so much time thinking about drinking. When could I drink? How much could I drink? It really is lovely to feel free and not have it filling my mind all the time.

I think you will find this site really helpful. I have. Post here whenever you feel like drinking. You will get lots of advice on how to deal with cravings and how to make plans. I'm still a newbie but my advice would be to take it one day at a time. Good luck

applewakesup

Thanks so much. I think it's hard for me to come to terms with because I'm not an obvious alcoholic. By that I mean I am not an external alcoholic. I am not a stumbling mess that turns my life upside down and mistreats my family. I'm just really freaking tired of waking up at 4 am with a nasty headache and a vague feeling of shame. And sometimes not remembering conversations I have had with people.

Because of this, I have generally thought I had a bit of a problem, but one that could be managed. Like if you have a weight problem and you just need to eat less food. But it's looking like that plan won't work for me. And luckily I don't have to find a way to manage it like I do for food, because I don't have to consume any alcohol.

Still, I'm freaking terrified.

kenton

I was a very high functioning alcoholic. Never missed a day from work, my kids were never late to school, I was a member of the PTA, I even ran a couple of marathons. But most nights I'd wait til everyone was asleep and then drink in secret.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and I'm so glad I decided to deal with it before allowing it to really start destroying my life. Because if I let it, alcohol will destroy my life. I have no doubt about that.

You sound really smart Beverly. Deciding to do something now is the smart move. It is terrifying but not as terrifying as continuing to drink. Today is day 2 for you. Concentrate on getting to day 3 and take it one day at a time. Alcohol hasn't taken much from you yet. That's great. Keep it like that. Don't be scared. You're really strong. You can do this

LastingChange

Hi Beverly,

I am Day 3 and I just joined this forum (my first time joining a support forum like this) last night. Already I feel like this is going to be a huge source of strength and support in my journey to long term abstinence from alcohol.

Wishing you all the best.

Midwest1981

Welcome to SR Applewakesup & LastingChange.

LastingChange

Thank you!

tealily

Hi Beverly, so glad you are here.

I am very much the same as you, I think. I have let drinking take over, over the past several years, and I don't want to live that way anymore. I too have been functioning well on the surface -- my friends have no idea. I had been drinking at night, at home, often in secret. Wasting so much of my life thinking about drinking, hiding drinking, regretting drinking, recovering and beating myself up about drinking. I too would wake up about 4 am, after crashing into bed a few hours before, feeling miserable and mad at myself, swearing I wouldn't do it again, only to start feeling better by afternoon, and giving in again. What a life.

I am on my second week now with no alcohol and feel incredibly lighter and good. Quitting seems different this time, because instead of saying "no" to wine, I'm instead saying "yes" to being healthy and whole. It's exciting and hopeful, rather than a deprivation, of "oh poor me, I can't drink".

You can do it! Let the cravings crest and subside. Just don't buy alcohol, don't have any in the house, and don't be fooled by the thoughts that it's normal and OK for you to drink. Hang in there..

We are here along with you!

djm527

You got this Beverly!

I think there is always a bit of grey area in terms of identifying as an alcoholic but if you think you'll be happier without, you definitely will be

applewakesup

I have also run two marathons! I would make sure never to drink more than two drinks the nights before my training runs. If I did, I would have to smoke a little weed in the morning to take the edge off before the run.

I can always force myself not to drink when I have something planned but I spend so much time organizing when I can drink and how I can't plan things in the morning because I wont feel good.

My biggest reason for quitting is to wake up feeling good each day.

Sunshine65

I am posting for the first time in over two years so I surely don't have much help to offer. But I do want to say that I am so glad to have gotten the courage to even write back to all of you. I have been a daily wine drinker. I don't want to do that anymore. Drinking cost me my sanity, a job and most importantly self respect. I have stories like everyone else. But the main thing I finally got was that I can't keep it a secret so here I am just starting to post and asking for help and wanting to share with everyone here. Thank you. I want a new life.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Beverly - and welcome back sunshine 65

D

applewakesup

Day 3! Went to spin class this morning. Woke easily because I wasnt awake from 3-5 with anxiety, headache and dread. I feel so good that I think I will stay sober again today.