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Day 30

Old 06-05-2017, 07:49 AM
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Location: Morrisville, NC
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Day 30

Well I made it. I have been a long time lurker and a chronic alcoholic for 15 years. About 35 days ago my boss called me and told me she knew I had a problem and I could not return to work until I was healthy. I was humiliated, angry, sad and just overall gutted. I had to break it to my husband who I thought was going to freak out about lack of money but he calmly agreed. Poor man has spent 14 years with an alcoholic and probably always wanted this to happen (he's passive). I am also a mother of 2 beautiful children. I felt like being called out was just so shameful to not only myself as a professional but how did they think of me as a mother. And in all honesty how WAS I managing as a good mother. It took a couple days of drinking and crying and being angry and sad and then I took a leap and entered medical detox.

I was a mess. Sick, belly bleeds, low levels. I just felt like I was dying. I read everywhere it takes like 90 days to recover and I literally cried myself to sleep thinking I could not physically handle being sick for 90 days ( as if the drinking is as better). I will tell you this. I have drank regularly and quite heavily for 15 years. Only beak I took was both pregnancies. I was physically better by day 10. Yes, day 10. Now I still had some sleep issues and muscle aches a bit but I was a new woman by day 10 physically. I am posting this in hopes someone reads this and knows every body is different. I was so discouraged by 90 days of hell (again, still some minor things physically). I battle with the mental component but it has been okay so far. Some say I'm on a "pink cloud" but I'll take what I can get.

I lay in bed at night reading everyone's stories. Helps to know I'm not alone. I can relate on so many levels. I don't miss planning my day around alcohol, just trying to get the day over with to drink. I don't miss the shame in being s drunk mother. Some parts of that were hidden from my kids but honestly kids are smart and although I felt "in control" I was not. There are a lot of hours in the day I've realized. I'm learning to be a new person. I am thankful for this gift. I am only 30 days in but I feel like I can never go back to the pain and anxiety and shame I once felt. I feel 50 percent less anxiety now. I am happy. Any thoughts or tips?
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to jellybean80 For This Useful Post:
djm527 (06-05-2017), FeelingL0st (06-22-2017), january161992 (06-05-2017), SimplyE (06-05-2017), thomas11 (06-05-2017), Upstairs (06-05-2017), WeaverBird (06-05-2017)
Old 06-05-2017, 08:08 AM
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Congrats jellybean, waking up without the shame is great isn't it?

Just keep checking in here, I find it so helpful - everyone is so great.

You can do it and have so much going for you
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Old 06-05-2017, 09:03 AM
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Jellybean that was a great post, thanks for sharing. I am no expert, but the only advice I can offer is to stick with it. I am finding that the longer I remain sober the more I enjoy life. I guess that is why you hear about giving yourself "the gift of sobriety" .

The best tips that I have learned on this great forum are:

1. You never have to drink again. Your AV is a fool, just ignore him/her/it.

2. When you are tempted to drink, "play the tape forward". It helps to remember how bad you felt before you stopped.

Stay strong, sober life is good!
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Old 06-05-2017, 01:52 PM
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What a massive achievement jellybean...well done
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