herculana

Thought Id share here, because I think many here will relate.

But its the same things I have ben saying, so it may not be all that new to hear....

Dear Missing Out,

God, I hope I dont sound insensitive. Please dont take what I am about to say the wrong way.

I am passionately NOT feeling nostalgic, or romantic or wistful about drinking. I am just over two weeks into sobriety and I see nothing whatsoever redeeming about alcohol or the life I lived with it for the past 10 years.

I think the last few times I tried to quit (years ago) I felt similarly to what you said in your post. No... I AM SURE I felt that way.

Unfortunately, I wasnt done.

No more though. Not this time.

And I am very ... deeply.. grateful ... for that fact.

I am deeply grateful to not have any more illusions about what that stuff really is, and what it does to my life... my ENTIRE LIFE. That means, BODY SOUL MIND EMOTIONS MENTALITY MONEY HYGIENE.

Its ROTTEN. It kills you.

And it turns most everyone magically into the most idiotic, boring, and drama-filled versions of themselves.

Being around people drinking is like being around the most shallow self-centered people on earth. Their words drip stupid saccharin. And they wont really be able to hold to their "oh so sincere" words the next day. Because they were DRUGGED when they spoke of their admiration and love for you.

Its inauthentic living. I want the REAL THING NOW. Life is too short for inauthenticity.

It also makes people flat out ugly, pasty-skinned and sick.


Yeah... No thanks.

Please get in touch with how beautiful life can be sober. Its so much more full and rich. Everything anyone really wants out of life is to be actually found in SOBRIETY. Deep inside, what we really want is not the thing we find in getting tipsy or drunk. What you are looking for or missing in being sober... is an ILLUSION... It never really existed.

Its not in a bottle. Its in YOU

D122y

Herc,

I agree that drunks can be pretty worthless.

I was around a few last night, several being my closest family. We were raised in a drinking environment. I was the king of the drunks and now i am clean.

I made it out, so far, 1 day at a time.

You're a bit angry,...? I was too, i think it is part of the process.

I was mad at the govt for not better informing us about the dangers of alcohol addiction.

Better angry than actively addicted.

herculana

I think I am angry at the AV in me and in others.

In fact, I know thats what I am angry at. So when I read her wistful romantic AV dominated posting today... I just got angry at it.

But I am also so HAPPY and AMAZED to feel differently.

I hope I wasnt unhelpful to her

I just thought I would lend her a very different perspective.

I think it should be fairly obvious to all in that group that I WAS THAT BORING DRAMA FILLED IDIOTIC DRUNK.... Just two weeks ago.

<3

PhoenixJ

Herc, most often when I get angry at stuff (ESPECIALLY 'GOD'), it usually means I am pis.sed off at myself. Good one for writing this out. Classic CBT approach..works for me.

Mizzuno

Yes, but we have our own roads and we have our own time to come to our own conclusions.

I tend to look at alcoholism as my own challenge. It has been an epic battle for me. I reserve judgement as I know what it is like to struggle and get lost in a bottle. My path to sobriety was hard won. Someone else may have the same difficulty and it is not for me to point out to another. The road is personal.

herculana

Thank you for the honesty, people.

Here was my way of trying to soften what I said to her, just now:

(pssst... sneaking back in to apologize)

New, I am only two weeks in. I was the idiotic boring drama filled drunk just over-two weeks ago. Right now I am going through a phase of anger at the ole AV (addictive voice). Its just such a big fat liar.

And it took 10 years of my life.

So any anger from me that you may have picked up in my words is actually anger at the AV when I hear it speaking.

It might be like this for a while for me. I don't like to drink anymore, and I dont like that voice that romanticizes drinking. Just where I am, and I hope you dont take it personally <3

YOU ARE DOING GREAT AT STAYING STRONG <3

Mizzuno

While you are on this road I think it is important to know that not everyone is going to think like you do. They may not agree with you and they may not follow your lead. Two weeks is amazing work and it shows a strong constitution to remain sober. Your path is yours to walk.

Your friends/ Family/ others can walk their path and come to their own truths, in their own time, on their own terms.

I dont hear anger in your post. I dont know what I hear but I do know that I wouldnt want anyone telling me that I was being inauthentic and that sobriety was the only way out. This may be the truth for you and not the truth for your friend.

herculana

maybe because i was practically raised in the program (AA)...
At my house, instead of the bible, it was the big book.

I grew up to see alcohol in the very way Ive desribed it, and the honest truth is that I have always seen it that way. My mother was also drinking alcoholically traumatically and destructively when I was 6 years old through 10 years old (Dad was already divorced from her by then and in AA already when I was little). Mom joined AA by the time I was 11. Brothers have been in AA for about 30 years, too.

I clearly recall being 8 years old and while mom was drunk, at about 2AM, sneaking into the kitchen and opening each beer can... pouring out her beer cans down the sink, one by one. I knew she would just think that she had drunk them all. She was too drunk to put two and two together.

Ive barely ever seen or been around folks who drink normally. Thats the truth. I have heard they exist. But Ive never dated a normal drinker (successful careers? YES. Normal drinking, NO.).

The people around me all of these years have mostly been non-drinkers in AA, or active alcoholics.,,, drinking 3 to 4 to all 7 days a week and getting pretty drunk several of those days.

I drank because I hoped I could get away with it. I hoped maybe it would be okay.

It wasnt.

herculana

And I am aware my situation is delicate. I am still very new, I know that. I try to guard against over-confidence.

But what can I say? what I wrote was the most honest feeling I have right now, at this time. Its truly how I feel about it.

Mizzuno

Of course. You are walking your path and this may include what you think you need to tell others about their path. Im not being combative or anything of that nature. Sobriety is an up and down and all around, just like life. There are many different roads/ thoughts/ actions to the same destination. The point is for you to remain sober and for you to find what works for you. Rock on!

Keep on moving forward.

August252015

Agree very much with this. Something I have to tell MYSELF is to keep to my side of the street. I love the part of the BB (pretty much all of 84-88 and 417-418) that includes "when I am disturbed - when I find some person, place, thing or situation unacceptable to me...." - I have to turn it around because as we say, if I'm not the problem their is no solution.

I am better at phrasing things from the I and sticking to my own ESH (that pesky part on 418 where it tells us we're better off not giving advice...) even when I think I know better (ha!) about something I see so clearly (double ha) for another person. Only my most intimate companion in recovery- and in life- my fiance- is someone I can come close to getting, so to speak, and intuit and interpret and discuss his thoughts. They're still all his side of the street, though.

We all have to express things (the reference to CBT exercises was on point) and we don't always say things like we could....and we need to move on. Living in 10 (and 1 and 12) helps me do this, daily.

herculana

Well, she was actually writing her thoughts out to share with our group to get feedback ABOUT her wistfulness. Several of us commented. So i just told her HOW I WAS feeling about all of it. Reflecting back to her how I AM seeing it.

Isnt that what we are supposed to do? Offer feedback? Maybe I did it wrong?

Thebadger

Wery true