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Old 06-03-2017, 04:21 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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The problem I faced about needing to want sobriety more than I want drinking, is that addiction can almost be defined as an ambivalence between those two choices. How to get to wanting it all the time when the addiction kept be switching back and forth.

I couldn't just sit around and wait for the "wanting sobriety more" to happen to me. What is the useful action that will bring about that change in mindset? For me, it helped to stop thinking in terms of drinking versus quitting, and start thinking in terms of consequences. Which consequences did I want and then which actions would get me there? I knew all to well what the consequences of my drinking were and I didn't want those. I had glimpses of the consequences of sobriety and I did want those. Regularly clarifying those consequences helped me tip the balance of wants toward quitting.
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Old 06-03-2017, 04:34 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hi All,

Thank you guys SO much for the excellent responses. Everyone is 100% correct... I need to first admit that I'm an alcoholic; remove drinking as a option; work on my impulse control; develop a solid Sober Plan and stick to it; and not try to wing it when it comes to sobriety...which, I've learned, is what I do a lot in life: wing it or procrastinate. (<---Neither of which will lead to longterm success in anything.)

Also, I loved the running analogies and osmosis/diffusion analogies... The latter definitely resonated with me because I'm a biology teacher and was just reading about osmosis/passive diffusion vs active diffusion a few days ago. Active diffusion takes energy/work because it's going against the grain so to speak (aka going against "what's natural" for that particular substance.) Sobriety is like Active Diffusion... It'll take energy/work for me to get to the other side (e.g. Longterm sobriety)

Ref running isn't a sober plan: I thought we were supposed to choose activities to help us not think about drinking? Granted, that's not working for me but neither did AA; I didn't feel comfortable there. That said, I'll re-read the Sober Plan sites Dee sent me a looonngg time ago and figure out where I went wrong (minus the stuff listed in the first paragraph).

@Tufty13: *Sigh* You can read me like a book. Thanks for the kick in the rear!
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Old 06-03-2017, 04:45 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SoberRunner View Post
Hi All,

Thank you guys SO much for the excellent responses. Everyone is 100% correct... I need to first admit that I'm an alcoholic; remove drinking as a option; work on my impulse control; and not try to wing out...which, I've learned, is what I do a lot in life, unfortunately.

Also, I loved the running analogies and osmosis/diffusion analogies... The latter definitely resonated with me because I'm a biology teacher and was just reading about osmosis/passive diffusion vs active diffusion a few days ago. Active diffusion takes energy/work because it's going against the grain so to speak (aka going against "what's natural" for that particular substance.) Sobriety is like Active Diffusion... It'll take energy/work for me to get to the other side (e.g. Longterm sobriety)

Ref running isn't a sober plan: I thought we were supposed to choose activities to help us not think about drinking? Granted, that's not working for me but neither did AA; I didn't feel comfortable there. That said, I'll re-read the Sober Plan sites Dee sent me a looonngg time ago and figure out where I went wrong (minus the stuff listed in the first paragraph).
Running is a fantastic PART of a sober plan.... but can't be your only plan.

AA didn't feel 'comfortable'? Huh. Go figure. That's because you didn't want to get sober.

Sorry man - just calling it like I sees it..... because I didn't feel COMFORTABLE at AA either. Until I truly wanted sobriety and approached AA (and all the other tools) with an open mind and a desire to take ANY tool that I could into my toolkit.

Getting sober isn't comfortable.

But I've never been as comfortable in my life as I am now in sobriety.

Running an ultra isn't comfortable.

But the glory and reward and euphoria and comfort of being an ultra-runner is pretty awesome......

See?

Try saying to yourself in the mirror "I choose sobriety.... I choose LIFE.... I choose to be a SOBER RUNNER... a SOBER HUMAN.... TO LIVE AN ABUNDANT GRATEFUL LIFE".

say it over and over again until you believe in it.

create a vision of a sober life until you can see it and feel it and taste it and it feels like what you really WANT.

When you catch yourself thinking things like "But I LIKE drinking, that's why I keep doing it" - call yourself out. "Bull****. I do NOT LIKE DRINKING. I like LIVING. And that's what I choose for my life".

Remind yourself how short this ultra-of-life really is. Remind yourself that every day is one day closer to the last. Remind yourself you can choose to waste your life on alcohol, or relish it for all it's worth in sobriety.

Remind yourself that standing at the end, looking back on it, you want to see yourself having lived your fullness, your bigness, your love and your truth - not having anesthetized yourself and passed out and been hungover and kept yourself in a haze of distraction.

QUIT THE CRAP.

C'mon.

seriously..... put up or shut up.

CHOOSE.

RIGHT NOW.
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Old 06-03-2017, 04:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
Running is a fantastic PART of a sober plan.... but can't be your only plan.

AA didn't feel 'comfortable'? Huh. Go figure. That's because you didn't want to get sober.
For the record, I meant comfortable as in it felt like a gloomy place. I prefer to surround myself with positive people--even if we're going through life struggles--and the AA meetings I've gone to had a "Woe is me" vibe and everyone looked sad, angry or miserable. It just wasn't my cup of tea. That said, I know I need to find some sort of group...
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Old 06-03-2017, 05:00 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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"did AA; I didn't feel comfortable there.'

"did AA"- doing AA isnt just going to meetings.
did ya read the big book?

and how many meetings did you go to? how many different meetings did you go to?

yup, there can be gloom and doom, whoa is me meetings. i dont go to them either.
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Old 06-03-2017, 05:00 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Ref running isn't a sober plan: I thought we were supposed to choose activities to help us not think about drinking?
Running and exercise can definitely be part of a plan...but not the entirety IMO.

if that was true no athlete would ever get busted for drugs...

Then of course there's injury - whats the plan if you pull a hamstring and
can't run??

D
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Old 06-03-2017, 05:09 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SoberRunner View Post
For the record, I meant comfortable as in it felt like a gloomy place. I prefer to surround myself with positive people--even if we're going through life struggles--and the AA meetings I've gone to had a "Woe is me" vibe and everyone looked sad, angry or miserable. It just wasn't my cup of tea. That said, I know I need to find some sort of group...
You're missing my point, my friend.

I don't really care what part of it felt 'uncomfortable' or what you'd 'prefer'.

If you WANT to get sober, you'll be ready to take what you can from any and every available source.

I understand your meaning. I've felt that way about AA myself at times. But I set that aside and looked for the nuggets. I'm not an AA zealot. Many things about AA have rubbed me wrong.

But I went to AA a LOT in the first year.

I read that Big Book over and over.

I still go to AA now and again.

It's got tremendous value to offer anyone seeking to live a life of sobriety.

Next time you go to a meeting and feel it's 'gloomy' - ask yourself what value you can take from the gloom.

Sometimes, the simple reminder that 'gloom is not how I wish to live my life' is a fantastic lesson in embracing Joy, LOVE, ABUNDANCE... in NOT DRINKING THAT DAY.

You asked for advice.

It was offered.

Then you sought to counter it and offer rationale for why "your way" is the way that is right for you.

Which seems a little counter to the fact that you said YOUR WAY ISN'T WORKING AND ASKED FOR ADVICE.

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Old 06-03-2017, 05:27 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I just can't seem to stay sober longterm. I signed up 4/2015 and it's the same story over and over again... 4-7 days sober, binge drink one night, 2-3 days sober, binge drink one night, 4-7 days sober, repeat.

I had a similar problem, 10 - 20 days sober, then a 3 day bender. After a year of that insanity, I was on the verge of starting to lose stuff, like my health and marriage.

I gave up and decided to try AA. For me, the fellowship of other guys with the same problem made the difference.

I've been sober 7+ years now and don't go to many AA meetings anymore, but I know where to turn if I need to.
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Old 06-03-2017, 05:36 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
You're missing my point, my friend.
No, I think you're missing my point. The only thing I did was clarify what I meant by stating "comfortable", because you went on a rant (Lol) about my feeling comfortable. That said, I didn't disagree with your suggestions. Thanks for the advice!

Originally Posted by Zebra1275 View Post
I just can't seem to stay sober longterm. I signed up 4/2015 and it's the same story over and over again... 4-7 days sober, binge drink one night, 2-3 days sober, binge drink one night, 4-7 days sober, repeat.

I had a similar problem, 10 - 20 days sober, then a 3 day bender. After a year of that insanity, I was on the verge of starting to lose stuff, like my health and marriage.

I gave up and decided to try AA. For me, the fellowship of other guys with the same problem made the difference.

I've been sober 7+ years now and don't go to many AA meetings anymore, but I know where to turn if I need to.
That's great to hear! I'm glad it worked for you. Others have suggested Celebrate Recovery so I'm going to look into that program.
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Old 06-03-2017, 06:43 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Just one point: there are lots of different kinds of AA meetings. Not a single one I go to is a "woe is me" one - people in it may feel this way but it's not the program. I have a home group that meets Mon, Wed, Fri and it is small and we are a pretty close group. I go to step meetings and Open Discussion at a larger clubhouse. Sometimes I go to a "How It Works" or As Bill Sees It at a different large clubhouse. I am different degrees of happy to be there at different meetings. But that doesn't matter. Comfort-seeking and finding reasons NOT to "like" AA can keep anyone drinking for - ever, if they want.
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Old 06-03-2017, 08:08 AM
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It is all there- in all the wise words above. Do something different, break the cycle. Get regular support. Support to you.
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Old 06-03-2017, 08:27 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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SR,
I know you were asking for advice from long term sober people but I did want to chime in. Ill be 3 months this time around.....

I think abstaining has to become more important to you than anything else. The things we tell ourselves before drinking is what can make or break this situation. If there are thoughts that minimizes drinking or sugar coats the scenario then the same behavior is repeated over and over again and we cant make headway on our mission. If we know what the thoughts are we can stop them in their tracks. Just because the thought arises to drink doesnt mean we have to listen. We can choose to disregard.

For me, I just want to have a better life and to live without the destruction of alcoholism. I know I cannot drink. I knew this while drinking. I cant have it both ways and I refuse to die by a bottle of liquid. So, I know you will find your way into freedom. It may take time but you can do this. We all can.
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Old 06-03-2017, 08:45 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno View Post
SR,
I know you were asking for advice from long term sober people but I did want to chime in. Ill be 3 months this time around.....

I think abstaining has to become more important to you than anything else. The things we tell ourselves before drinking is what can make or break this situation. If there are thoughts that minimizes drinking or sugar coats the scenario then the same behavior is repeated over and over again and we cant make headway on our mission. If we know what the thoughts are we can stop them in their tracks. Just because the thought arises to drink doesnt mean we have to listen. We can choose to disregard.

...
Thank you Mizzuno! Congrats on your soon-to-be 90 Day achievement... 90 days is "longterm" to me, because I haven't gone 30 consecutive days w/o drinking since I started drinking almost 10 years ago. So bad!

I'll definitely be making a lot of changes... Especially accepting the fact that I can no longer drink.
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Old 06-03-2017, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberRunner View Post
No, I think you're missing my point. The only thing I did was clarify what I meant by stating "comfortable", because you went on a rant (Lol) about my feeling comfortable.

ah... I see. Well, then carry on.
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Old 06-03-2017, 09:01 AM
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Hi SoberRunner,

Glad you are back. There are lots of good suggestions above. I joined this site in 2012, and took my last drink the last day of 2015. I spent those first two and a half years fluctuating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. I was the master of convincing myself this time would be different, finally I had enough.

I have been sober for the past 17 months. I have mainly used this website as my support, but I actively used it. I read and posted every day, I joined the January class and formed a few closed friendships with other people in there. I also started checking in daily in the 24 hour thread and found a group of people who support each other through the good and the bad.

I focused on a recovery plan, and making healthy choices both physically and mentally. I have worked on mindfulnesss, exercise, eating healthy, but most importantly taking alcohol completely off the table. There have been some difficult days in the past 17 months and I got through them by dealing with them head on, rather than avoiding them through a cloud of alcohol.

You can do this, but you need to be willing to make the changes in your life needed to be sober.

Looking forward to seeing you on here.
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Old 06-03-2017, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberRunner View Post
Thank you Mizzuno! Congrats on your soon-to-be 90 Day achievement... 90 days is "longterm" to me, because I haven't gone 30 consecutive days w/o drinking since I started drinking almost 10 years ago. So bad!

I'll definitely be making a lot of changes... Especially accepting the fact that I can no longer drink.
You can do this. Changes can and will take place. I structure the days so that what I am doing cannot include alcohol.

For the first 30 days, I worked, came home and ate dinner, took a bath to wash off the day and logged onto to SR. I read and post if needed/ wanted. The 24 hr club was and is an important tool to be personally accountable. (Ive lapsed on posting as of late but should most likely get back to it) Going to bed early was important as I healed emotionally, mentally and physically. I made everyday an important day where a hangover could not be a part of the equation.

With each change and each day sober this whole thing becomes easier and more normal.

The trick is complacency for me. Emotional overload or huge life stress. The real big proof will be when one year hits. This is when I have relapsed. Twice. So, I am doing everything in my power to gain a seriously strong foundation that cannot be knocked down.
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