Two weeks sober today. How its going for me...
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Two weeks sober today. How its going for me...
I am very pleased to be at two weeks now.
The progress feels REALLY good. It feels MEANINGFUL.
I have had bad hours during these two weeks. I have had stressful hours.
I have been smoking way more than I want to be smoking. But thats going to be the next addiction I kick to the curb, and its going to happen when I feel ready to do it. Not today and likely not this month.
I have finally learned to not take on fixing my entire life in one day. Its going to take time.
I have had to begin learning how to take charge and, in baby steps, begin to believe in myself again.
Its happening. Things I would have let slide in the past. like, laundry going into a state of ever growing monstrosity, dishes filling not only sink but counter tops... taking over the kitchen like vines. Debts owed. Decisions made out of lack of care and apathy about money...
I have been making far better choices in the moment, as each moment comes, and, the apartment, for example, has remained clean and organized ... (learning to clean as I go) and just THAT ALONE is a HUGE BOON. The environment I am in now feels comfy, civilized and luxurious in contrast to how Ive lived for YEARS.
Life is so much easier without alcohol. No doubt about it.
Those words, however, do not translate to; EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS PERFECT AND I NEVER HAVE TO STRUGGLE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE I QUIT DRINKING.
Nope.
But... LIFE IS AS ITS SUPPOSED TO BE NOW.
I am given moments to live this finite life, and thats a deeply meaningful truth. Should I decide to trash those moments of my life and cover them with the complete muck of alcohol, I will be wasting what I have been given. And that would be an unimaginable loss.
Its much like that scary thing about those climbers on Everest who have died of exposure up on that mountain. That strange delusion they all reach at some point. Laying in the snow, dying, limbs slowly freezing to solid sculptures of ice... They actually believe they are warm, even too hot... And at some point its as if death is seducing them... Deaths warm, soft, downy delusion... seduces them to take off their clothes, thus bringing death closer and faster.
Alcoholism is like that. Its FALSE, and its killing you. Its making you look scary and tragic to those watching outside your delusion. But you are so warm and comfortable in it, as you are dying to it.
I have faith now, that whats GIVEN TO ME, is perfect, as it is. It may not FEEL perfect.
But thats where the faith comes in.
I am trusting the wisdom of life more. Letting it come to me. Saying yes to the moments.
At the two week milestone, I have felt a healthy fear creep in over the true delicacy of my sobriety.
My vigilance is stronger today and after a couple cravings I have been slightly humbled to remember that I could slip any day.
So, maybe a boring post, but ... It is what it is.
Thanks for listening.
Could not have made it so far without the support here. Seriously, this big group of LOVE BUGS and WARRIORS has been everything to me.
The progress feels REALLY good. It feels MEANINGFUL.
I have had bad hours during these two weeks. I have had stressful hours.
I have been smoking way more than I want to be smoking. But thats going to be the next addiction I kick to the curb, and its going to happen when I feel ready to do it. Not today and likely not this month.
I have finally learned to not take on fixing my entire life in one day. Its going to take time.
I have had to begin learning how to take charge and, in baby steps, begin to believe in myself again.
Its happening. Things I would have let slide in the past. like, laundry going into a state of ever growing monstrosity, dishes filling not only sink but counter tops... taking over the kitchen like vines. Debts owed. Decisions made out of lack of care and apathy about money...
I have been making far better choices in the moment, as each moment comes, and, the apartment, for example, has remained clean and organized ... (learning to clean as I go) and just THAT ALONE is a HUGE BOON. The environment I am in now feels comfy, civilized and luxurious in contrast to how Ive lived for YEARS.
Life is so much easier without alcohol. No doubt about it.
Those words, however, do not translate to; EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS PERFECT AND I NEVER HAVE TO STRUGGLE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE I QUIT DRINKING.
Nope.
But... LIFE IS AS ITS SUPPOSED TO BE NOW.
I am given moments to live this finite life, and thats a deeply meaningful truth. Should I decide to trash those moments of my life and cover them with the complete muck of alcohol, I will be wasting what I have been given. And that would be an unimaginable loss.
Its much like that scary thing about those climbers on Everest who have died of exposure up on that mountain. That strange delusion they all reach at some point. Laying in the snow, dying, limbs slowly freezing to solid sculptures of ice... They actually believe they are warm, even too hot... And at some point its as if death is seducing them... Deaths warm, soft, downy delusion... seduces them to take off their clothes, thus bringing death closer and faster.
Alcoholism is like that. Its FALSE, and its killing you. Its making you look scary and tragic to those watching outside your delusion. But you are so warm and comfortable in it, as you are dying to it.
I have faith now, that whats GIVEN TO ME, is perfect, as it is. It may not FEEL perfect.
But thats where the faith comes in.
I am trusting the wisdom of life more. Letting it come to me. Saying yes to the moments.
At the two week milestone, I have felt a healthy fear creep in over the true delicacy of my sobriety.
My vigilance is stronger today and after a couple cravings I have been slightly humbled to remember that I could slip any day.
So, maybe a boring post, but ... It is what it is.
Thanks for listening.
Could not have made it so far without the support here. Seriously, this big group of LOVE BUGS and WARRIORS has been everything to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
Dear Herculana I am so sorry. I confused your post with Sinderos. Pick up means you picked up a drink. BUT YOU DIDN'T! I made a stupid mistake, please forgive me.
Outside of that you do seem full of hope and enthusiasm and two weeks is wonderful.
And no, your post was not boring it talked of being two weeks sober which is super exciting.
Again, I am so sorry.
PS. Sinderos is doing well too. So, double victory
Outside of that you do seem full of hope and enthusiasm and two weeks is wonderful.
And no, your post was not boring it talked of being two weeks sober which is super exciting.
Again, I am so sorry.
PS. Sinderos is doing well too. So, double victory
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
"Its much like that scary thing about those climbers on Everest who have died of exposure up on that mountain. That strange delusion they all reach at some point. Laying in the snow, dying, limbs slowly freezing to solid sculptures of ice... They actually believe they are warm, even too hot... And at some point its as if death is seducing them... Deaths warm, soft, downy delusion... seduces them to take off their clothes, thus bringing death closer and faster.
Alcoholism is like that. Its FALSE, and its killing you. Its making you look scary and tragic to those watching outside your delusion. But you are so warm and comfortable in it, as you are dying to it. "
Excellent and insightful use of a little-known fact.
Enjoying your inspirational posts.
Alcoholism is like that. Its FALSE, and its killing you. Its making you look scary and tragic to those watching outside your delusion. But you are so warm and comfortable in it, as you are dying to it. "
Excellent and insightful use of a little-known fact.
Enjoying your inspirational posts.
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Thanks Columbus. I am really glad to hear that.
Sometimes I get tinges of fear that I will annoy by appearing every day here like a bad penny
But..
I was told to POST OFTEN, so I am taking that suggestion FOR ALL ITS WORTH!
Ha!
No, but seriously... I am. Its proving to be something, that, by renewing every day (my connection to you all), I am finding sobriety remaining front and center in its importance in my life. This connection here, posting often, is definitely part of my process that is working.
Good to hear its also helping others or at least being accepted <3
Sometimes I get tinges of fear that I will annoy by appearing every day here like a bad penny
But..
I was told to POST OFTEN, so I am taking that suggestion FOR ALL ITS WORTH!
Ha!
No, but seriously... I am. Its proving to be something, that, by renewing every day (my connection to you all), I am finding sobriety remaining front and center in its importance in my life. This connection here, posting often, is definitely part of my process that is working.
Good to hear its also helping others or at least being accepted <3
c011:
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Please don't feel you need to in any way apologize for what you post. Thank you for another helpful post and it's great to read of how you're doing!
This takes commitment. And, we are living in a day/time in which commitment is not taken as seriously....so much is casual this and casual that. So many people don't bother to commit. I can tell you are committed and support you.
Have you ever said or done things you regret? I have.
Have you ever failed to say or do something and you regret it? I have.
I think I can safely say we've all done things we regret or failed to do something and regretted it. Because of this we could all be a bunch of people walking around burdened with: REGRET. And, I really don't think that is how our Maker wants us to live.
Regret is a heavy, heavy burden.
So, I don't think God wants us to be burdened down with regret. I think He would like to help us get that burden lifted. But neither does He want to us to CONTINUE ON living in a way that brings on more regret. So, we can CHANGE and we can walk in such a way that we don't keep doing things we regret. And our Creator will walk WITH US and will put people in our lives to help us in our walk so we can walk in the Path that doesn't bring regret.
Sometimes, as we are walking in that path we may feel like we are only taking baby steps, we may feel slow, we may feel liking crawling, we may find ourselves on our knees, begging for the strength just to stand. We may need a helping hand just to stand up, let alone WALK. I am glad this community is helping you. Keep posting. It's helpful!!
This takes commitment. And, we are living in a day/time in which commitment is not taken as seriously....so much is casual this and casual that. So many people don't bother to commit. I can tell you are committed and support you.
Have you ever said or done things you regret? I have.
Have you ever failed to say or do something and you regret it? I have.
I think I can safely say we've all done things we regret or failed to do something and regretted it. Because of this we could all be a bunch of people walking around burdened with: REGRET. And, I really don't think that is how our Maker wants us to live.
Regret is a heavy, heavy burden.
So, I don't think God wants us to be burdened down with regret. I think He would like to help us get that burden lifted. But neither does He want to us to CONTINUE ON living in a way that brings on more regret. So, we can CHANGE and we can walk in such a way that we don't keep doing things we regret. And our Creator will walk WITH US and will put people in our lives to help us in our walk so we can walk in the Path that doesn't bring regret.
Sometimes, as we are walking in that path we may feel like we are only taking baby steps, we may feel slow, we may feel liking crawling, we may find ourselves on our knees, begging for the strength just to stand. We may need a helping hand just to stand up, let alone WALK. I am glad this community is helping you. Keep posting. It's helpful!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
I appreciate your understanding herculana. 
And as for the mounting dishes, bench tops, debt....etc., me too, and am learning like you to not think that I have to have everything fixed in one day.
I'm learning to let go of the small stuff. My best to you herculana. xxx
And as for the mounting dishes, bench tops, debt....etc., me too, and am learning like you to not think that I have to have everything fixed in one day.
I'm learning to let go of the small stuff. My best to you herculana. xxx
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