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Bachelor Party - maybe I'll just have one

Old 06-01-2017, 06:53 PM
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Bachelor Party - maybe I'll just have one

RIDICULOUS!!!

Three and a half years sober and my brother-in-law calls me to invite me to my other brother-in-law's bachelor party.

Suddenly, a slight wave of unease passes over me.

I feel odd.

I think to myself "well, maybe I'll just have ONE with them. Like a symbolic drink"....

Then I recognize what's going on. I see it for what it is. It's fear. Fear that I'm not going to be 'good enough'. 'one of the guys'. "something's wrong with me". "I'm not cool".

Which is of course all rubbish.

And of course I won't have just one.

I will be the designated driver and the lads can have their fun.

I did all my drinking in life already and I've been to my share of drunken bachelor parties.


Just sharing to get that off my chest and to remind us all - it can pop up again in life even after plenty of sobriety. And that's OK. Having those occasional thoughts and feelings doesn't mean you have to drink over it.



Happy Sober Evening to you all.
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:27 PM
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ha!
a symbolic drink....ja right!
not like a symbolic drink would be anything like a real one...ha!
oh man the things the mind can fabricate
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:49 PM
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Good for you, FreeOwl.

Designated drivers rock.

Sobriety

Rock
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:58 PM
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Thank you! Your right, don't have to drink over it , thank god!!
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:58 PM
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I have embraced my role as designated driver.
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Old 06-01-2017, 09:42 PM
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So awesome. I went to my first happy hour tonight after quitting the booze 45 days ago. I did fine with cravings but celebrations are more my trigger so your post is inspiring. Thank you!!
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Old 06-02-2017, 04:58 AM
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Thanks for posting. While it's not nice to hear you had a potential trigger, I guess it makes it seem less "there is something wrong with me" when it happens to me.
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:11 AM
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Nothing cooler than a man who walks to the beat of his own drum Freeown. True strength. True freedom. True independence. Be proud of your sobriety, and of that hard won freedom from addiction and instant gratification.

You can go along and be the strong, quiet one. The one who can take photos without putting his thumb in the way. The one who can order cabs or drive, and avert inevitable batchelor-party disasters, not even minding that this is overlooked by the braying drunk-wits.

No need to drink. We already had ours! Enough to last a lifetime.

BB
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:29 AM
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Hi, FreeOwl.
I'm 3 years sober, and thought I had put all cravings and thoughts of drinking behind me.
Yet...this past Christmas, we were visiting friends at a house party. I was in the dining room by myself, staring at all of the open wine bottles.
I wanted a glass of wine so, so badly. What could one glass of wine do, after all?
I don't even like wine.
Well, I didn't drink, but it struck me how this feeling of WANTING to drink just never goes away.
Peace.
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:44 AM
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I had one of those moments today. A friend at work wanted me to go have a pint with him at a bar that I used to love to drink at. It has the best beer selection in the whole city. I had that moment of nostalgia and that twinge inside that thought damn it's a shame that you can't just go have a few. But you know that's the nature of the Beast, IT will always want more. It's my job to override that urge and tell that part of me NO. That part of my life is over and that's a good thing, it opens ups all kinds of new avenues in life that were closed to me as long as I kept drinking.
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Old 06-02-2017, 07:10 AM
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I had a moment of wanting over the Memorial Day weekend. Almost two and a half years sober. Sitting around a campfire, enjoying the perfect weather, with my best friend who still drinks. He had my (used to be) favorite gin in the freezer. Tonic in the fridge. It was the strongest craving I've had in a long time. Took me a few minutes to get the beast to shut up. How did I do it? By being in the moment. I took a deep breath, looked up at the incredible starry sky, and reveled in the real feelings of peace and serenity I was experiencing WITHOUT the booze.
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Old 06-02-2017, 03:53 PM
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Its the first drink that gets me, not the last.

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Old 06-02-2017, 04:16 PM
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I'm off to a stag do in a few weeks. I'll be joining them for a meal, and I think we're going to play golf, but when the drinking starts, I'll head off to the hotel.

I'll suddenly "not feel too well" if anyone asks.
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:00 PM
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I love this post, FreeOwl! Having an occasional thought/craving doesn't spell doom or even indicate that anything is "wrong". It's simply a thought, and we as humans have thoughts all the time we certainly don't act on.

One of our members here posted about weird brain stuff like fleeting thoughts of keying his bosses' car lol I've also had thoughts that I think "wtf I would never do that", and those include any fleeting thoughts of drinking. People resist temptation all the time, for various reasons. It can be done, and quite easily when things are framed as "not an option".

Good on you and I love your positive posts!!
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:24 PM
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Thanks everyone!!

I'll update you on how things go..... this is coming up in few weeks, out in Portland.

I'm actually kind of looking forward to observing a bachelor party from the vantage point of a sober guy looking out for the crew and getting them home safe.

I'm at least ten years all these guys' senior, so I will just go in 'older brother mode' and observe and celebrate from a place of sobriety and wisdom.

One thing I've noticed is that when these moments of thoughts arrive out of the blue - if I take the time to observe them, see them for what they are, share them, maybe even poke a little fun at the nonsensical nature of them... then by the time the real thing comes along I've put it all behind me and I am feeling good and happy and proud in my sobriety.

Thanks for always being here.

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Old 06-02-2017, 06:33 PM
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Dead on as always, FreeOwl. "I did all my drinking in life already". Amen.
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Old 06-24-2017, 09:51 PM
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update....

In the end, I just hung out with my wife and kids, took a pass on the whole thing, told my brother-in-law "no hard feelings man but I'm just going to stick with the family and not leave your sister alone with four kids" and we met up with a friend for dinner and went to bed at 9.

So nice to be able to just honor my own priorities and not let alcohol control me anymore.

In the "good old days" I'd likely have left my wife alone with the kids and gotten sh**faced, stayed out all night, blown a bunch of money, angered my family, embarassed myself and ruined the next few days.

Sobriety; A Vast Improvement on Life.



Wedding tomorrow.

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Old 06-24-2017, 09:54 PM
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I would have done the same FreeOwl - not scared not self conscious - just not interested

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Old 06-25-2017, 04:42 AM
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I love the "symbolic" drink. A fitting response would be a symbolic two-fingers!
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Old 06-25-2017, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 View Post
I have embraced my role as designated driver.
I practically get offended if there isn't someone for me to drive now.
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