BD84

I am paid up and expected to go on a bachelor party this month and no longer want to go. It is going to be a complete drunk fest and I will be partaking if I go.

I have been sober 285 of the last 291 days. Mistakes have been made and I have posted about them here. I have been drunk twice in this time and each time was awful. There was no withdrawls but its the knowing I set out to moderate and didnt. Also, after a 3 day bender bet your sweer @ the withdrawls would be right back. The AV would be strong again.

I still count my sober days and keep on trucking. Before I let it get me down and end up on a bender over it like I used to.

I know I dont need to drink. Thats why I have to tell my buddy I am not going right? If he dosent understand then thats on him. Keep in mind he is an alcoholic that hasnt admitted it yet. Getting drunk is what we did and what our relationship was for years. Since I quit for a long time and didnt start back up after 30 days like he thought I would I have not seen much of him.

Advice on how to tell him I am not going would be appreciated. Its not whats best for me or my family. I am happiest when I am sober.

BarbieKen

Hi,
You have the answer, it's right there in your last few sentences. Your sobriety comes first, we alcoholics know that to be our Truth. Ask your HP for the right words to say before you tell your friend.
Hugs,
Bobbi

Maudcat

Hi, BD. bachelor parties and girls nights do tend to turn into overdrinking times.
Yes, I would definitely give it a pass.
If only because if you don't drink, you will be bored silly by the shenanigans.
Good luck. Guard your sobriety. You didn't come by it easily.
Take good care.

thomas11

If you are younger I can see where peer pressure would be something to be dealt with. In reality, you don't need to justify your decision with anyone. You are being a mature adult, recognizing your issue and not putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. In the end I think you'll be very pleased with your decision. Keep those thoughts of withdrawals in your head, it can be a good deterrent.

Zebra1275

Don't go.

Dee74

If he's a guy who knows your struggle:

I don't drink anymore and bachelor parties are no long er a good place for me to be. Maybe we can catch up and do something else some other time instead?

if he doesn't know...sorry dude can't make it. Maybe we can catch up and do something else some other time instead?

D

DontRemember

Like dee said. If you know you'll either drink or be playing babysitter, just don't go. Offer to grab lunch,golf or something at a later date..You're not responsible for his "good time" and I'm sure there's plenty of drinking buddies lined up. No offense but, he won't even know you're not there.

ScottFromWI

You have your answer right here. People miss events all the time for all sorts of reasons. In this particular case you have a very good reason. And if he doesn't understand your reason that's his problem, not yours.

Your addiction loves to present these kinds of scenarios though - open the crack in the door just a little bit..don't let it.

BD84

Thanks guys. 98% of my days since when I vowed to quit again has been sober. Its been great. I have been drunk twice and no positives came of it. I got drunk Saturday at a holiday party off far less than I used to could drink. I blacked out and all. Its been hell ever since. I cant turn around and do a 3 day bender a few weeks later.

Alcohol changed my brain. I am best off without it. I am still for some reason mad at myself that I let it go that far. 98% > 10% but occasionally sabotaging yourself is just as bad as doing it daily.

doggonecarl

So you've relapsed. Recently. You have a right to be concerned about a bachelor party where there is going to be alcohol.

You can play around with the numbers all you want...98% sober, xxx number of days sober out of yyy. Drinking puts one back in a dangerous place in one's recovery. Do what you have to do to protect your ongoing sobriety.