Sinderos

I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last several weeks. Also started reading a book about loving yourself. Actually trying to apply it to myself. Tonight I have an appointment at the gym at 6:00. I'm trying to take steps to improve my life and get out of the vicious cycle of doing nothing more than working and drinking.

I know the biggest step I need to take is to quit drinking. As you all know "just doing it" is hard. I want to develop healthy friendships. I'm letting go of an unhealthy relationship as I've finally realized holding onto it is holding me back in my quest for happiness and soberness. I hold onto that relationship because he accepts the drinking because he has his own addiction issues.

I feel that I've rambled, but I just wanted to write out my feelings.

Midwest1981

Sinderos- I think you made some great decisions to help you gain sobriety! That is great. Keep working at it.

Maudcat

Great first steps, Sinderos..

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Sinderos. The statement quoted above is quite profound. This needs to be your absolute only focus so you can start working on all the "other" things. I tried thinking/reasoning my way out of my drinking and addressing all the issues around it, but it never worked because I didn't face the reality that drinking itself was the main problem. And yes, it is hard...you have that correct. But really, none of the other stuff has even a fleeting chance at getting better until you stop drinking. Relationships, health ( mental and physical ), workplace issuues - none of them will get better until the drinking stops.

Have you considered seeking professional or group/meeting help to specifically address your drinking?

Sinderos

Thank you Scott. You are right. Life will not get better until I get rid of the main issue. Right now life in general is pretty good so I don't have the negatives to really encourage me to quit drinking.

Both jobs are going good. Physically I'm healthy. I don't have any outside of work friends so no issues there. However drinking is preventing me from having friends. I also know I could be so much more productive at work if my mind wasn't clouded all the time from excessive drinking. Physically I wouldn't be as tired all the time and I would be in better physical shape.

Thinking of all the things that would be so much better without drinking encourages me to quit. Not to mention the money I would save.

I have considered a counselor and still may go that route. I read on here frequently even though I don't post. Posting and really communicating would help a bunch. Perhaps attending the chat meeting as well.

Thank you for your reply. It is very helpful.

Mizzuno

Welcome back.

The gym appointment is a great step in the right direction. Yes, it is easier to say that you are going to quit than it is to quit. I was on that cycle for a couple years. Life would resemble some normalcy at times and I carried on drinking and destroying myself. Such is the addicted state. I, too, dealt with my partner who condoned drinking as he drank abnormal amounts of alcohol himself.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Dedicating yourself to a new road is hard but it is very very rewarding. Each day can bring a new breath of fresh air as the hangovers are non existent and time has been spent being productive. My whole world has changed and it has only been 2 1/2 months.

One step at a time. One day at a time. Keep moving forward and keep your eye on the prize.

ScottFromWI

I would agree with that. SR has been a huge part of my recovery and I guess I would call it my "recovery method" of choice. I have done AA meetings in the past and dabbled in AVRT and I do see a counselor for both anxiety issues and addiction support about once a month.

I think the most important thing is communication and talking about the issues though. I tried to "outhink" my issues internally for years and it never worked until I put them out there. And by that I don't mean running around yelling "i'm an alcoholic"...but sharing my problems with others who understand. That's really important to me and I think it helps with the acceptance that its OK to be an alcholic, and for me it's also OK to have anxiety. There is nothing "wrong" with me, i'm just different in the way I deal with some things in life. And there are solutions to allow me to live with both of these issues quite well. I learned a lot of that from folks here on SR.

PhoenixJ

MEETINGS help me. Good on you.

D122y

Sind,

If online recovery isn't getting it done...have you been to AA?

I believe this original method can work for folks stuck in a rut.

Thanks.

Sinderos

I haven't worked actively at becoming sober using online. I have been to AA and don't feel comfortable there. The key is for me to make the decision and actively work on my sobriety. My brain knows I desperately need to. However I don't resist the temptation to drink. I think about not drinking during the day and then decide before going home to quit tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.

Dee74

Its good to see you back Sinderos

D

D122y

Sind,

Have you seen "Rain in My Heart"..it is on youtube.

Those folks are at and over the brink. The damage eventually is irreversible.

I heard or saw there that all but 1 died. I guy at my AA group said his friend just passed of multiple organ failure. He was swollen up like a balloon before he died.

The Dr's cannot help at a certain point.

Check it out for some motivation.

Thanks.