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Stuffed up again on payday

Old 05-30-2017, 04:09 PM
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Hi sweetichick - you're in a really recurring cycle now...but there's some good advice here.

I think maybe rehab and some nicotine patches might offer a way to at least start to break this cycle of addiction/codependency?

D
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Old 05-30-2017, 07:29 PM
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I can partially empathise.

Money comes in, essentials bought but free money so alcohol...then run out of money, take loan, take ages to pay loan back, then desperate to drink again, tale another loan.

First things first then.

Practical advice

On payday, pay your bills and whatever money you have left, buy food for the month/week and whatever remains, go put it on the council tax/extra rent. That way you aren't tempted.
There's a banking service (which does cost annoyingly) that you can set up how much you have to spend. Any more you have to authorize with them. I forget what they are called. Good luck
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Old 05-31-2017, 05:03 PM
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I don't think I need rehab. 3 or 4 days of drinking at payday as far as I am concerned is not bad enough. I'm not drinking today and that's all that counts. That leaves 11 days of not drinking per fortnight. I know sobriety is hard work. I have problems with day to day life due to bipolar and not dealing with problems. I just have terrible anxiety. I can't even leave the house some days. My psychiatrist gives me 5 minutes a month . To me a recovery plan is about self care health eating and exercise and some AA meetings. I already do meditation. Any advice on what to add to my plan would be welcomed. Thanks for all the replies especially the financial advice and tips on staying sober. I appreciate this site and people trying to help me.
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Old 05-31-2017, 05:17 PM
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The trouble is - and you know all these things Sweetichick
  • Drinking is not helping your health - you've been in hospital and God knows what else.
  • Drinking is leading you to make bad decisions
  • Drinking keeping you in hock to your ex and keeping him in your life.
  • It is just as likely to be 13 days out of 14 drinking next fortnight as it it is 11.

Thats not a reflection on you. It's the condition.
We can't control our drinking.

That's why you and I and everyone else is here on SR.

D
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Old 05-31-2017, 05:53 PM
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Hi!

Every day when I wake up I look here and read for a bit to set my mindset for the day (even if for a minute). Part of my plan is to come here and post when my AV gets too loud and even if I feel I don't want to. Post BEFORE I drink. When I crave (not much anymore) I ride it out, play the tape and use other tools I have learned here. I walk my dog for a long time almost everyday ( I did everyday at the beginning ). I work a mix of AVRT mostly with some AA and spirituality. I have never gone to a meeting or to a therapist but I have tried to educate myself about addiction, mental health, recovery and healing. I read every day. It might sound cheese but it's deep, it's working on your soul.

Getting support and perspective from others is really helpful. People here really understand. For me it really was about what I wanted my life to be. I was having regrets and i didn't want that anymore. Being here is important because I don't have support in my real life.
I have also struggled with anxiety, PTSD, etc. and I don't let that be an excuse if anything it is a huge deterrent because alcohol it makes it worse, much worse. I have learned that by educating myself about what alcohol does to us. Knowledge is power.

I really hope you keep posting!
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Old 05-31-2017, 06:58 PM
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Thanks Dee. Now I'm on a debt recovery plan I think I am cured. I have just enough for smoking and don't want to lose my unit. It's all catching up with me now. Pure insanity of alcoholism. I will post here first as recommended. Time to grow up and be responsible. About to cook vegetables for lunch or to distract myself. I will join the June thread as it is June today here.
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Old 06-01-2017, 12:59 AM
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Well SC, if you're going to AA meetings, why not actually get a sponsor and work the program? Meetings are not the program of recovery. The 12-steps with a sponsor is the program of recovery.

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Old 06-01-2017, 03:20 AM
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Still waiting to see if my debt recovery plan is agreed to. Just want to go to the bottle shop. I'm posting here before I drink.
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Old 06-01-2017, 03:22 AM
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don't go to the bottlo Sweetichick.

Drinking is a vote for the status quo.
Drink...and nothing will change.

Have a look though this link - lots of good tips for cravings here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:17 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Any advice on what to add to my plan would be welcomed. .
to add to meetings, getting a big book and a sponsor. read the big book, go to meetings, talk to your sponsor and others in recovery( get phone numbers and use em- even if its just to call and say hi), start doing what the big book suggests, pray to whatever HP you want- one of your own conception, dont drink even if your ass falls off, repeat.

sweetichick, you said this:
"3 or 4 days of drinking at payday as far as im concerned is not bad enough"

i think quite a few here would agree that from this side of the monitor it reads pretty bad. it reads like you only stop because you run out of money. but if you had the money?
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:30 AM
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how are you doin Sweetichick?

D
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Old 06-01-2017, 04:36 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Still waiting to see if my debt recovery plan is agreed to. Just want to go to the bottle shop. I'm posting here before I drink.
Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results SC, and we've all done it. Staying on that crazy merry-go-round just amounts to digging ourselves a deeper rock bottom.

What do you want? You life to get better, or to descend into more unmanageability? Only you can make the choice. We can give suggestions, but if you choose to ignore them and go to the bottle shop instead, we can't stop you. No one can. The life-rafts are there, but you have to be willing to climb on board. Yes, it's likely to be difficult and uncomfortable FOR A WHILE. And then things would start getting better and easier. But while you're still seeing alcohol as the solution and not really conceding that it is (and will always be) the problem you're set to carry on the madness.

Why not let us help you get out of this pit of misery by actually using some of the suggestions given instead of taking a drink and sinking further into the mire ?

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Old 06-01-2017, 05:03 AM
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I'm OK. Still hanging on. Thanks for all the replies. It's 10 pm here so bedtime. Need time to think about what people have said on here. My friend keeps saying I need to move past the wobble heads. That seems to include everyone I know. He doesn't like this site. Thinks I stop drinking and wake up cured. It's not that easy. Will be reassessing my relationship with him overnight as well. My parents talk sense.
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Old 06-01-2017, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I have considered rehab but the one nearby doesn't allow smoking. I have a psychiatrist who thinks me and my friend are codependent. Counseling didn't work. My gotoes for not drinking were going to the movies or down the beach. That didn't work as there never seemed to be a movie at the same time as a craving or not enough petrol to get to the beach. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough. It's like I couldn't control me going to the bottle shop. Scary.
I could have highlighted pretty much this whole paragraph but I stuck with just these two sentences.

Bottom line is you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink- period. Smoking, this friend, and definitely "trying hard enough" just aren't the real deterrents to your sobriety.

I hope you choose sobriety for good.
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Old 06-01-2017, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
My friend keeps saying I need to move past the wobble heads. That seems to include everyone I know. He doesn't like this site. Thinks I stop drinking and wake up cured. It's not that easy. Will be reassessing my relationship with him overnight as well. My parents talk sense.
people that are afraid of losing their codependant/enabler will say many things to TRY too keep people near them that are enabling and codependant.. they will do what they can to keep their hostage.

ya might want to head over to the F&F forum to find out how true that is.

and solutions,too.

"no" is a complete sentence.
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:05 AM
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When our loved ones or friends feel threatened they will have their own conclusions as to why recovery/ recovery website is not good. You have not been cured. I have not been cured, per say. I have today to stay sober and I will deal with tomorrow when it comes. You also have today to make different decisions and take actions that will create a foundation for sobriety, If you so choose.

What I do to stay away from alcohol:

Each morning I log into SR and read. I post support to others and sometimes I start my own thread.

I go to work and focus on the tasks that I have for that day.

After work I come home and eat dinner. I take a bath or wash off the day in some way (cleanse face)

I log onto SR again and post or read. By this time, Its later into the evening and I either watch a series on TV or I open a book (the latter has not been happening too much)

I get to bed early and I have a full 8 hrs or more of sleep.

I repeat everything the next day.

When the weekends roll around, I am generally caught up in a house project or yard work. Food shopping, supply shopping for the home. I pop into SR randomly and frequently to read and help others. Sometimes I may need the help. I go to the gym and run or workout. It seems like the gym really fits in on the weekends.

Life is much more manageable with this form of structure.

So, this is my plan. Each hour is filled with productivity and a methodical approach to how I am NOW choosing to live.

Do you have a day to day/ hour to hour plan? It may be helpful for the first few months until you get solid footing on your sober path.
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Old 06-01-2017, 01:50 PM
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you talk about "payday" but never mention work. considering what you have shared about your financial state, it sounds like things are really starting to go to hell in a hand cart. it's not a stretch to see you rapidly descending further into the pit UNLESS you become willing to make some DRASTIC changes.

this male "friend" - he lives close, across the street, and seems very controlling and predatory. and you LISTEN to him and do what he says. he does not sound like a FRIEND at all. he sounds abusive.

you resist the idea of rehab - saying it's not that bad.
you resist AA because.....i don't remember why.....this man person maybe?
once i had even suggested that perhaps it would be best if you went to live with your parents, since your life management skills aren't very evident.

what ARE you willing to do? anything?
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Old 06-01-2017, 10:54 PM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
you talk about "payday" but never mention work. considering what you have shared about your financial state, it sounds like things are really starting to go to hell in a hand cart. it's not a stretch to see you rapidly descending further into the pit UNLESS you become willing to make some DRASTIC changes.

this male "friend" - he lives close, across the street, and seems very controlling and predatory. and you LISTEN to him and do what he says. he does not sound like a FRIEND at all. he sounds abusive.

you resist the idea of rehab - saying it's not that bad.
you resist AA because.....i don't remember why.....this man person maybe?
once i had even suggested that perhaps it would be best if you went to live with your parents, since your life management skills aren't very evident.

what ARE you willing to do? anything?
Some of what you said is true about my man friend. But your way of posting comes across all wrong. And I can't go live with my parents. I'm nearly 50 and are lucky to see them once a year. I'm not even welcome at their house. So think about that before you start making wild judgements.
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Old 06-02-2017, 12:10 AM
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Sweetichick. You are nearly 50. I must admit that I thought that you were in your late 20's (not sure why - perhaps someone was on here with a similar name who was younger). Perhaps Anvil had the same confusion going on.

Style of posting aside, I don't see any wild judgements. Just things perhaps you don't want to hear. I say that because they've all been said lots of times before and you've ignored them every time, choosing to focus on the next problem or drama instead of any solution. Once we start living in the solution things start to get better Sweetie.

I read this...

1) that things are unmanageable (financially, healthier and relationships) and are set to get worse not better if nothing changes.

2) that from what you say this manfriend of yours isn't necessarily the best influence you could have on you. (Although in my personal opinion, that wouldn't stop you getting sober if that's what you really wanted.)

3) you resist the idea of rehab because it would mean quitting smoking. Would that REALLY be such a bad thing anyway? Given your money and health issues? And you ignore any other suggestions, even though you ask for them.

At the moment it sounds like you (after over a year here saying the same things back and forth) are still rationalizing your drinking saying this or that much isn't a problem. Well, the unmanageability that its bringing to your life really doesn't tally with that. Not every alcoholic drinks every day. The point remains that alcohol has enough of a hold over you to make rubbish choices about things and you reach to booze to self medicate rather than as some kind of social doo daa.

To say that you're problems will all be solved by a debt management scheme while you're still drinking and resisting any kind of real recovery work to achieve long term sobriety is, frankly, madness. Real cart before the horse stuff. Like a runner saying he fell because of the injury he got when he fell.

At the centre of this is you. A real lady. Almost 50. Struggling to manage her finances, self-care and conduct. Those debt people can get everything sorted for you and if you carry on drinking what state do you think those finances will be in by Christmas, or this time next year? It's a sad old situation SC, it saddens me mostly because at the heart of it I'm not convinced that you really do want to stop drinkin as your posts remind me of my old thinking. I know that for a while I just want to be relieved of the burden of guilt about my drinking and the consequences of it, and coming here I could convince myself that I was doing all I could and was just stuck with it, where in actuality I just wanted to keep my drinking but not have the consequences and was taking no action whatsoever. Responsibility was a horrible word to me. Practically dripping in fear and shame.

Thankfully the bit of hope I cling to is that, should you wake up and really decide that you want to get sober and take the reins of your life back from alcohol, you'll be able to read through all those past threads and find lots of suggestions of action you can take to start this process.

I do feel for you, and really, really hope that you will see through the rationalisation that your AV spins you and decide to break this cycle. The road your on ain't taking you anywhere good. The dept management people are just a roadside diner, not the destination. Just, I fear, slowing down the inevitable unless you choose to tackle your addiction and take action in recovery.

I do wish you well in sobriety and recovery. Trouble is, you need to be wishing for it for yourself as well. Like, it being the thing you want most in the world.

BB

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi
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Old 06-02-2017, 03:07 AM
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Hi sweetichick. I am 52 and went to rehab 4 years ago and have been sober since. I was not only addicted to alcohol but also Klonopin and Ambien. In fact my descent into alcohol abuse started because I developed major sleep issues in my late 20's/30's.

I was petrified of going to rehab because I was sure that I would never sleep without my meds. I couldn't even imagine having a roommate and trying to sleep.

I went to rehab anyway. The first 3 days I spent in a detox unit. My roommate arrived in the middle of the night (with about 20 pieces of luggage, which was comical in retrospect considering what we all looked like). She had restless leg syndrome and tossed and turned all night. Even though I was addicted myself, I was completely naive about the world of drugs and detox.

The thing is, my worst fear in rehab happened and yet it didn't seem like a big deal once I was there. We weren't allowed to bring any reading material, all that they had was some old pamphlets that were missing half the pages and a kitten puzzle with a lot of missing pages. It was boring and uncomfortable an weird. I would do it all over again. The detox unit was small, only about 20 of us, and I dreaded being transferred to the general population unit. But that too worked out. I met a really nice group of people and I got a lot out of that month. Everything i dreaded came true, yet it seems such a tiny price for what I gained.

There was a sign on the way into the rehab that said "expect a miracle". And there was a sign on the way out that said "you are a miracle". That miracle was realizing that I was absolutely capable of living a life free from alcohol. If you read back among your posts you seem to be stuck. I was stuck. Trying these ancillary small day to day fixes doesn't seem to be working. Rehab is a gift and if it is all possible I can't emphasize enough that I would jump on it. Smoking is holding you back from saving your life? I know nicotine patches were mentioned.\

Berrybean's post is spot on. You are the one who determines where you are at in a month or a year. There is bound to be short term discomfort and anxiety. But that is a small price to pay for breaking out of this cycle you seem to be caught in.
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