SimplyE

Thank you Dee74

Complete panic this morning
Supposed to walk downtown to meet classmate for coffee
This is where I am fighting the severe social anxiety
I keep thinking "I can't"
I actually thought "if I make it I will go get wine later or maybe I should get the valium that was prescribed"
No No No
I may be terrified but I know I will never learn to be free if I don't challenge myself. Damn I am scared. I also feel pathetic for anxiety over walking in town and getting coffee. Need to write this or I will pretend I never thought it. I hope it's okay that I am still posting under this thread.
Day 9

PhoenixJ

Dee74

If the social anxiety continues to be debiliating, I hope you'll consider seeing someone professionally SimplyE?

D

SimplyE

Thank You Dee74 I am getting a lot of help for not just SA but PTSD, Major Depression, Panic Attacks and well you name it. Ironic I had to leave an alcoholic marriage after 25+ years but shut down. The grief has been almost too much and I lost myself. (I did and still love him)

I can’t let the Dr.s keep giving me benzos, its too easy to isolate, shut down. (plus I became dependent on them when they were prescribed daily and I never want to go through the hell of stopping them again) It is also too easy to use wine when I go into complete panic or just cant deal. So I want to stay away from all. I see it as a slippery slope. Reading all the posts and living with active alcoholism on and off for 25+ years…I see what can be. I don't want it. I don't want to hit bottom. No major issues around drinking just too easy to shut down. I will never learn how to live if I use the prescriptions or the wine. Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I do. I really am still unsure. I know that anxiety meds help some but they are not for me.

Since I only drank to get rid of the pain last week, I know it’s trouble. A really bad reason. A way of coping that will only lead to more problems. ( I dumped out the second half of the bottle of wine that night but still it was not a good reason to drink at all.) I wanted to forget, give-up, shut down, make it go away. Not good reasons to drink. Really want a healthy, happy, somewhat normal life for once. Only I can make that happen. I know this is mixed up but posting anyway. It’s how I feel and will be good to read down the line.

So if I am counting this time it is now day 10

Dee74

Medication's not the only route - some therapy/counselling could be effective.

not sure why you would think you don't belong here - you're using alcohol to escape and/or self medication and you've returned to drinking again recently...thats how most of us started.

I think you belong

D

SimplyE

Thanks again Dee
Yes, lots beside medication. Counseling once or twice a week (for at least 6 more weeks), Unlimited Solutions, Peer Support and Case Worker under a grant (I am so blessed and grateful for this) Chance to continue college also a grant.
So much panic and anxiety without the meds but the only real chance I seem to have for a good life. I want to be able to take advantage of the help. I don't want to turn to anxiety meds or alcohol, I can see what will happen. I don't want it so Yes, I guess I do belong. Thank You again.

Dee74

no worries

D

SimplyE

Okay I hope to goodness this is appropriate. I just found the “Family and Friends of Alcoholics” threads. I couldn't stop reading.

It’s my life. My heart and soul have a glimmer of hope now. I am going to post a thread there and keep this one.

I am still “Unsure” even after rereading my other posts. From now on there will be no wine (or any alcohol) in my beautiful, little, safe apartment. No more drinking alone, that is out for sure. That is where I am going to loose myself completely if not already.

After reading “Family and Friends of Alcoholics” that is where I belong for sure. I may still have 1 drink once a week when out with friends. Since I go out very little to places to drink, it's almost a non issue. Most of the time I don’t want a drink or half gets left, but I will keep track.

I hope to goodness I don't offend anyone for posting this or posting here. I still need to know. I have to know. Heart and soul, only I will know for sure. So grateful for all the posts I read today. So much wisdom and hope!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-i-write.html