1st big GIFT of sobriety happened last night...
 

It happened, as a gift from God, it seems, as I was closing out my 1st week of sobriety... I had planned to have the house clean that day (and i am almost finished) as my gift to myself for 1 week of sobrety completed... But I guess God had other gifts in mind, and thats really beautiful to think about.

My Dad called last night.

I love my father with all of my heart. He was my savior as a child (took me to live with him when mom succumbed to her mental illness) , over and over, and though he made mistakes here and there, he is a beautiful, spiritual man who dearly fought for my spiritual growth.

I had, for most of my life, a uniquely close and very dear relationship with him. We were buddies, and my favorite memories with him are of hikes together in the redwoods, camping, long chats about life, spiritual matters, books and movies... starting as soon as I could talk.

Anyway, he's a big AA guy, and has been since I was 6 years old. Everybody's favorite "sponser" is a great way to describe him.

About 7 years ago my father started exhibiting signs of parkinsons. He is 80 years old now.
As usual with my dad, he is pushing through it, still lifting weights and going on hikes.

But his speech has slurred and slowed and his right hand is frozen into place. It barely has any function.

A carpenter his whole life, we are ALL used to him being a CAN DO man. A strong, problem solver in almost every area of life. An artisan craftsman and a jazz musician, to boot.

Over the past 10 years I began to drift away from my father. For one thing, he moved with his wife to LA.

I barely ever see him anymore, and I have been ashamed of my money situation, and I have been afraid of the parkinsons, and I have also been ashamed of my drinking (which I hide from him, completely).

I have left lots of his phone calls unreturned these past few years.
I couldnt stand to hear the worry in his voice... He is very worried about me. And I couldnt stand or face hearing parkinsons in his voice. I just was overwhelmed by it all. It was ALL TOO CONFRONTING. I have cried many times about this.

Anyway... Last night we talked... and it was an amazing, heart-warming, very loving conversation.
It was just like old times. A long inspired chat about many things, including the parkinson's. And it was totally SPIRIT NURTURING for us both to touch base <3

And I could hear his relief, because I know he picked up on my new confidence and stability...

I didnt tell him about my sobriety (to be honest, it might actually worry him more to know I am an alcoholic. I think he was happy believing that AT LEAST his daughter wasnt an addict) I might tell him someday, but for now, I am not ready to do that.

There was an authenticity to the conversation that has been absent for 10 years.

I did tell him I joined a support group, and that it feels like a huge relief, and I am feeling really determind and postive.

But If I was still drinking, that conversation would absolutely NOT have happened like that.

I got off the phone and I sobbed, rocked with in gratitude.

I KNOW that if I stay sober, I will be able to really be with my Dad spiritually and lovingly, with PRESENCE... in his last years and through this deteriorating condition.


Thanks for listening.

Thanks for sharing that! I'm really happy for you!

A very nice, heartwarming post. Congratulations. Keep it going, it gets even better.

That's wonderful, Herculana.

Great post Herc! So glad you were able to speak with your Dad.

Thank you for sharing that inspiring post hurculana. :)

Not only do you have that strong father daughter
bond shared between you both, but you also have
addiction and recovery that is also a common bond.

Your dad started out on day one yrs ago and
has lived a successful recovery life for a many
one days at a time. Folks before him paved the
way for him to follow and in the same way he
has done the same way for you, even if you
were not aware of it thru the yrs.

I have 2 awesome adult kids with families
of their own all healthy with no addictions.

When I entered recovery 26 yrs ago and
they were little, they grew up knowing
about my addiction to alcohol and my
on going recovery program incorporated
in our lives.

From the very beginning I told them that
if they should ever have problems with
addiction down the road that I would be
there for them to guide them thru the
process of getting healthy and sober if
needed or necessary.

I wanted them to know that addiction
is serious and is nothing to be ashamed of.
Addiction affects sooooo many today
and hasn't changed over the yrs. It's
still as strong as it always was and continues
to take folks out one by one unless they
receive help and knowledge of it so they
can learn to live a healthy, happy successful
lives without addiction.

Your dad I'm guessing will be more accepting
and understanding of your addiction but be
even more grateful to have his daughter living
life in recovery and having this gift of recovery
between the two of you.

I think I would be so disappointed in my
kids if they didn't reach out to me if they
were having trouble. See, we are separated
not only by distance but no communication
due to the lack of understanding between
us.

Because they have no addictions they
will never truly understand my own
alcohol addiction and recovery life.

I always believe that it takes and alcoholic
in recovery to truly understand one and I
have had to accept that fact that is not
possible in my little family.

However, with you, you do have that
extra special gift between you and your
dad. :)

How cool is that?

It's truly a wonderful blessing. :)

Beautiful. I am very happy for you!

herculana, thanks for sharing. That is so wonderful. I hope you will keep this bookmarked so you can refer back to it in moments when you think you want to go back. :)

That is so great, herculana. My mother is almost 92. She drives me bats at times, but at the end of the day, every day she is here is a gift. I'm glad you were able to mend things with your dad.
Keep up the great work.

Very cool!

"But If I was still drinking, that conversation would absolutely NOT have happened like that."

My daughter surprised me by traveling 700 miles to knock on my door on the night of my birthday. She came bearing gifts and a cake.

Thank the UNIVERSE I was not drunk!

Right, Columbus?

Really feeling the gratitude, yes indeed. Nothing is better than a sober life, I am realizing <3

Truly, what a gift that call was, Herculana. So happy for you! Wishing you continued healing, for yourself and the connection with your father. It's almost as if it were a sign.. of all the unexpected blessings yet to come. <3

That was beautiful, Herculana. :hug:

I'm really glad for you Herculana :)

D

:grouphug::thanks:scoregood

Beautiful!!