dwtbd

I learned through 'cultural osmosis ' that AA was the only way I had a chance to end my addiction. But for a lot of reasons , some of the ones mentioned , I wasn't going. I did get a copy of the BB, but for various reasons it didn't 'click' for me.
All that said ,the worst part of my prejudice was in thinking that 'one way' was the only way and since I wasn't going that way I was resigned to my addiction.
One way I did find that I really resonated with was AVRT , there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum, if you are looking for a different route I'd highly recommend a look see.
If I may ask, why AA for you?
Wish you well and hope to see you around

thomas11

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. Sobriety is your journey, and yours alone. If praying to an empty can of paint at night keeps people sober....go for it. You're doing great.

ZenButterfly

The reason I started going to AA was because my psychologist recommended it. I wouldn't say it was exactly a choice but I figured I might as well check it out.

I actually like a lot of the ideas in AVRT as well. A lot of what they teach makes sense to me.

tomsteve

it is written old fashioned and archiac. it wasnt easy for me to understand it as i wasnt used to the such an eloquent use of english and the proper use of english composition.
even then, theres a LOT of literature that is the same.

2muchpain

Man, I've been to a lot of meetings all over the country and I've never heard anything about having to pray twice a day. I'd have a problems about that too.
Because of many reasons, I eventually ended up staying to myself at the meetings. I talked to a few people that I knew well, but that was it. Gave up on sponsors. I still got a lot out of the meetings and it helped a lot with staying sober. Like you, I simply enjoyed being around other sober people and I learned a lot from them. I know many people will have a problem with this post but it's just my experiences and my opinion. My point is, if the meetings are helping you, keep going. Maybe find a different meeting to get a fresh start. John

Gottalife

I sometimes think the best defence against dodgy sponsorship is to have a thorough knowledge of the Big Book and the program. If my sponsor had done this, I could perhaps ask him how he reconciles his propensity to tell me what to do with this passage from the book.

" Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking -"What do I have to do?"

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done."

My sponsor didn't so much tell me what he had done as show me by example.

But even working directly from the book, it can be seen that it is really a catalogue of errors made, and solutions found. It never says you should do this or that, it says, when we did this it seemed to work, and when we did that we came unstuck. I see my own experience mirrored in the book. Certain actions brought success, and others pain. Good sponsors, IMO, let you learn this in your own time, and when problems arise, they are there to help you sort it through and understand the lesson.

schnappi99

Concur with the thorough knowledge of the Big Book angle. My alanon sponsor is an AA double-winner and he had old-school big book sponsorship himself, so he stays on that basis with the alanon work. He shares his experience when asked and the only negotiation we had was at the beginning of the program work, he wanted to see some initiative on my part; meetings, service, some kind of occasional progress on the inventory. Then aside from check-ins to see how things were moving he left me to it and didn't intrude, I did my 5th step w/ him a while later.

I have seen other sponsorship relationships blow up due to sponsors dictating behavior, to the point of people leaving the program. Tell you what though I tend to be an introvert and my natural state is to be out in the shop doing stuff as a hermit. Getting close to my sponsor thru program work was an uncomfortable change for a while but I liken it to emotionally waking up when sharing at that level with someone.

sugarbear1

Meditation is so much more than prayer for me and I worked and still work those 12 steps. Meditation is where I find inspiration to (possibly) do my higher power's suggestions....

Have you gotten past step 7?

ItsViolet

What people in AA suggest is just that--suggestions. It's your choice whether you take them.

Not all sponsors are the same and people's programs are not all exactly the same. My sponsor took a gentle approach and eased me in. She didn't force me to fellowship, take commitments, or call people. She encouraged doing those things and praying or meditating but she did not tell me I had to. Personally I would have struggled with a sponsor that pushed me into more socializing than I could handle. I know others who genuinely needed more of a tough "drill sergeant" approach to stay sober, but it's not for everyone and that's ok. My sponsor allows me to be dedicated in my own way and at my own pace. I've been sober now for 14 1/2 months. If there is really just a compatibility issue, you're welcome to change sponsors.

Ultimately it's all your choice and whatever you choose will work for you provided that you are 100% committed. That's what it took for me.

Congratulations on the steps you've taken so far, keep us posted. 90 days is huge

HopeandFaith1

I have been to some wonderful AA meetings. I have also been to a few that made me feel more stressed out about drinking than I felt before I came! Like you I am introverted and I get anxious from too much attention and pressure to participate. But I've met some truly great individuals in AA. Collectively, I get a little overwhelmed so I understand what you mean.

I love the Big Book, have read it several times. I find tons of wisdom in there and insight on recovery. It really resonates with me.

If you stick around here you will find all different kinds of recovery tools. I don't think you're whining at all.Reaching out and sharing your experiences is part of the recovery process. I wish you success regardless of how you choose to get there.

sweetichick

Maybe try going to ID meetings. In Australia we have steps, traditions, big book and topic meetings. I went to one meeting where a guy with years of sobriety said it's the first word in step 1 we that is important. If I go back I won't get a sponsor. I see step 4 as just dredging up the painful past. Step 9 about making amends is worthwhile though. I was told to pray everytime I felt like a drink and given the morning and night prayers to do. Hope this helps. I think sounds like you were pushed too far and too fast. I'm an introvert as well.

ZenButterfly

No I just got to Step 3

lifebeganat

Hey Zen, sorry it isn't working out for you as well as it has for others.
I totally get where you're coming from - I have had a similar experience of AA, BUT, it has worked for me, and I realise now it came down to finding the right meeting that worked for my own style.
The benefit of AA for me is the realisation I'm not alone with this addiction, and selfishly, hearing others stories of recovery. I am nearly a year sober and have only just started to share regularly and give back to the meetings.
I wouldn't give up on it yet, but do try some other meetings, you might be surprised at the difference it makes.
Also, my spirituality is more Buddhist than anything else, so I also get where you're coming from on that angle, but my own AA group isn't a religion heavy one, so I haven't experienced any kind of pressure.

ZenButterfly

Thanks I might keep trying for a while but I will look into some other options also.

The other thing I noticed last night is that meetings in my area seem to have a lot of people under 30 (I'm almost 50). I guess that isn't helping me feel like I fit in with the crowd. But maybe there are other meetings I can go to that are more my speed.

Bunny211

Zen I had a sponsor who was a drill seargant. If I didn't do everything she told me...I'd relapse she said. Or she threatened to fire me. Ultimately, I fired her because I was so miserable. I have a sponsor now who makes suggestions and I still stay sober without being told how to live my life.

FreeOwl

Nowhere in the program of recovery does it say you have to pray twice a day.

Nowhere does it say you have to share more than you feel called to.

Nowhere does the program prescribe how you should believe or feel.

The program of AA offers merely suggestions - suggestions that have worked before, for many others, to stay sober.


I have felt frustrated with AA many times. In the end (the SOBER end. the last time I wandered back to the rooms as a tool in my sobriety toolkit) - I opened my mind a lot more than I had previously.

I'm not religious.

I really don't pray.

But I do have a faith in an undefineable, unknowable, definite higher power that unifies all things and all people.

And I do have a faith that by connecting in my own ways with that higher power, I can find strength and support and faith in my own sobriety and my own life.

When they say "The Lord's Prayer" - I join in. I don't see it as a prayer to The One True God or even a prayer. I just look at it as a group affirmation of faith in some Higher Power. I used to bristle at the words - then I let go and realized it doesn't matter about the words. More important is the essence of the act. And what I believe it is for me.

When I'm pressured by another member of AA in any direction, I seek to understand their perspective and what I can learn from it. But at the same time I'm not at all afraid to say "well, that's not quite how it's working for me" or "I don't really feel comfortable with that".

A lot of "hard liners" will try and tell you that things have to be one way or another. But those are people, those aren't the program. You have the right and the importance to find what works for you.

Read the Big Book, cover to cover. Give the steps a chance. See what you can take from the program. Commit to letting the PROCESS itself be your guide and if you're significantly uncomfortable with someone or some part of the program - skip it / skip them.

Check out other programs. See what sticks out for you with those. What do you like? What do you dislike? Challenge yourself - "am I disliking this only because it's pushing me somewhere I'm not ready to see or confront?".

But don't write AA off. Use it as a TOOL. We can never have too many tools in recovery.

AA won't get you sober or improve your life. Only YOU can do that.

AA is just one mechanism you can put to work in getting sober and improving your life.

FreeOwl

...and THAT's how I think the program is really intended to work.

ZenButterfly

Good to know, thank you!