Day 5. Hopeful. Child-like. Insecure. Irritable. Too eager. All of that good stuff and more <3
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Day 5. Hopeful. Child-like. Insecure. Irritable. Too eager. All of that good stuff and more <3
Its day 5 for me. (Thank you for existing ...ALL OF YOU! Could not have gotten this far without this site)
Like I said in the title, I am feeling a whole gamut of things.
Like a little child, i want to be liked, and loved and connected to. I am also eager to pull others up, and help others, even though I am only on day 5.
I guess I just want this momentum to keep on keeping on.
I am insecure about "doing it wrong" (tiny bit of perfectionism there)
And worried about being/appearing too eager, and thus turning others off from maybe connecting to me.
Believe it or not, this is more honesty than ive mustered... in YEARS.
Other than that, I get irritable, and bored... which are danger zones.
But I come right back to this site or my other sobriety support site whenever that happens.
My actual PHYSICAL detox isnt all that bad. No trouble sleeping this time. Very grateful for that. I went through the detox years ago when i was quitting some far more severe and consistant drinking... and i simply couldnt handle it that time (horrible anxiety, no sleep for many days, crazy feeling all the time... Big kudos to those that are sticking through that currently. I remember it well).
I am dearly grateful to you all for being here, and doing this. Its simply amazing to me how this all works. Its humbling. It brings me so many spontaneous gifts of gratitude, to see human beings reaching out in this way.
I get moved to tears often here on this site <3
Just thought it would be good to check in, and open the door to getting to know one another.
Also, any advice or tools, or whatever... Really welcomed.
Like I said in the title, I am feeling a whole gamut of things.
Like a little child, i want to be liked, and loved and connected to. I am also eager to pull others up, and help others, even though I am only on day 5.
I guess I just want this momentum to keep on keeping on.
I am insecure about "doing it wrong" (tiny bit of perfectionism there)
And worried about being/appearing too eager, and thus turning others off from maybe connecting to me.
Believe it or not, this is more honesty than ive mustered... in YEARS.
Other than that, I get irritable, and bored... which are danger zones.
But I come right back to this site or my other sobriety support site whenever that happens.
My actual PHYSICAL detox isnt all that bad. No trouble sleeping this time. Very grateful for that. I went through the detox years ago when i was quitting some far more severe and consistant drinking... and i simply couldnt handle it that time (horrible anxiety, no sleep for many days, crazy feeling all the time... Big kudos to those that are sticking through that currently. I remember it well).
I am dearly grateful to you all for being here, and doing this. Its simply amazing to me how this all works. Its humbling. It brings me so many spontaneous gifts of gratitude, to see human beings reaching out in this way.
I get moved to tears often here on this site <3
Just thought it would be good to check in, and open the door to getting to know one another.
Also, any advice or tools, or whatever... Really welcomed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sounds like the definition of the "acronym" FINE:
F'd up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
in other words, for someone day 5 off alcohol? right where you are supposed to be!!! it's not a race. and there are now awards given out for Best Recovery. sobriety is a gift we give to ourselves, each day. keep those water wings on a little bit longer before you go jumping into the ocean to rescue someone!!! you're fine, hon. LOL
F'd up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
in other words, for someone day 5 off alcohol? right where you are supposed to be!!! it's not a race. and there are now awards given out for Best Recovery. sobriety is a gift we give to ourselves, each day. keep those water wings on a little bit longer before you go jumping into the ocean to rescue someone!!! you're fine, hon. LOL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 437
I'm on day 4 and feeling a bit up and down too.
There's great positives but things happened in work today and the AV just started creeping in. I got hope home, went for a walk and wrote down some thoughts. I've been reading these forums and just thinking about how in no way would alcohol benefit my life at present.
It's a daily struggle but so far, being able to get up early and be productive instead of on constant auto-pilot is a great feeling
Well done on day 5 and all the best for tomorrow:-)
There's great positives but things happened in work today and the AV just started creeping in. I got hope home, went for a walk and wrote down some thoughts. I've been reading these forums and just thinking about how in no way would alcohol benefit my life at present.
It's a daily struggle but so far, being able to get up early and be productive instead of on constant auto-pilot is a great feeling
Well done on day 5 and all the best for tomorrow:-)
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
For me, it was day four...oh, day four. A day that will live in infamy.
I wasn't in any kind of ugly detox danger, but I was freaked out, exhausted but wired at the same time, and pretty much unable to do anything but curl up in the fetal position on my couch. Oh, except I would occasionally make it to the kitchen long enough to eat my weight in junk food.
I have had bad days since. I've even had a terrible, rotten, no-good day or six. But nothing has compared to Day Four.
So hang in. It's gonna get better.
Sending you a hug.
I wasn't in any kind of ugly detox danger, but I was freaked out, exhausted but wired at the same time, and pretty much unable to do anything but curl up in the fetal position on my couch. Oh, except I would occasionally make it to the kitchen long enough to eat my weight in junk food.
I have had bad days since. I've even had a terrible, rotten, no-good day or six. But nothing has compared to Day Four.
So hang in. It's gonna get better.
Sending you a hug.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Yes - sounds like a typical Day 5. All the more reason to never put yourself through this again. Be proud of yourself for getting this far - better days are coming. This will end - you will feel healthy & hopeful once again.
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Thank you guys so much for the relating here.
Yeah, I am super lucky that for now I don't have to work. Super poor, but dont have a 9-5 (I do work, buts only half of the month).
I don't know that Id be able to do this if I was working a 9-5 honestly. So BEST TO DO THIS NOW WHILE I HAVE SUCH AN OPPORTUNE TIME.
I hear you on the junk food. I just had a deliciously salty meal of stove-top stuffing, sausage and a big helping of KALE (because, you know, vegetables). First vegetable Ive had in days, lol.
And really all Ive done for the past 5 days is lay on my bed in a very messy house and stay glued to my recovery sites, and my supports here.
Walking the dog. Feeding the cat. Cuddling with the cat (dog doesnt like to cuddle, she likes me to reach over out of my most comfortable positions and contort my body to pet her, which I do, of course...spoiled thing <3).
Housecleaning is one of my biggest triggers... I always got SMASHED to clean my house. So I have just allowed things to be messy because I wasnt ready to face that trigger.
My goal is to clean it tomorrow or at least end my 1st full week of sobriety with a fresh start: A clean house as my gift to myself for making it a week.
After thats done, my plan is to ressurect the old dusty yoga mat... and start incorportating mindfulness and yoga back into my life again.
WISH ME STRENGTH AND FOCUS.
I wish for you all the same.
<3
Yeah, I am super lucky that for now I don't have to work. Super poor, but dont have a 9-5 (I do work, buts only half of the month).
I don't know that Id be able to do this if I was working a 9-5 honestly. So BEST TO DO THIS NOW WHILE I HAVE SUCH AN OPPORTUNE TIME.
I hear you on the junk food. I just had a deliciously salty meal of stove-top stuffing, sausage and a big helping of KALE (because, you know, vegetables). First vegetable Ive had in days, lol.
And really all Ive done for the past 5 days is lay on my bed in a very messy house and stay glued to my recovery sites, and my supports here.
Walking the dog. Feeding the cat. Cuddling with the cat (dog doesnt like to cuddle, she likes me to reach over out of my most comfortable positions and contort my body to pet her, which I do, of course...spoiled thing <3).
Housecleaning is one of my biggest triggers... I always got SMASHED to clean my house. So I have just allowed things to be messy because I wasnt ready to face that trigger.
My goal is to clean it tomorrow or at least end my 1st full week of sobriety with a fresh start: A clean house as my gift to myself for making it a week.
After thats done, my plan is to ressurect the old dusty yoga mat... and start incorportating mindfulness and yoga back into my life again.
WISH ME STRENGTH AND FOCUS.
I wish for you all the same.
<3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 119
Yes my day four and five were similar to yours Herculana and Zombie79 and Aries gain. Lots of junk food. Lots of curling up on the couch doing nothing,. Irritable beyond all belief. Couldn't stomach vegetables..just fried food , soup and sugar, sugar, sugar. But I was the opposite of you in one way Herculana! I never cleaned when I was drinking ( I have a housecleaning service). Now cleaning is what keeps me occupied and sober. Lol.
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Yeah, well, the problem with my "Drunk Cleaning" that I so geniuosly devised years ago... (I thought waking up to a clean house even though I was hungover was a way of mitigating shame and self-hatred. How bad can it be if at least I am SUPER PRODUCTIVE while I am drunk? And...PRESTO... The house is clean and I barely remember doing it! VIOLA! )... The problem is that the next days were always SO awful, that I would easily and promptly make a total mess of it again... hungover, depressed... you know how it goes.
"I can't possibly be bothered with neatness right now, I am just too sick and hungover and whats the use? ... my life is falling apart and I am considering suicide. Cleaning will have to wait till I am not so depressed."
On and on and on it went.
"I can't possibly be bothered with neatness right now, I am just too sick and hungover and whats the use? ... my life is falling apart and I am considering suicide. Cleaning will have to wait till I am not so depressed."
On and on and on it went.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
emotions flow with sobriety. They are the child I feel inside me- but with an adult's memories and experiences. Like a 6 year old with a loaded gun. Stay focussed. Keep posting- you are doing well, H. Support to you. PJ
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Herculana,
I don't have too much specific advice to offer yet, just my support, encouragement and thanks: You have already made a difference for me! You clearly are a kind, smart, determined and compassionate person. Don't be so hard on yourself. It makes sense that it's a rollercoaster time of emotions and physical changes. Be kind to yourself! This isn't easy, but you are doing it, and even helping others along the way. Each day will get easier.
I'm cheering for you and believe in you!
We're in this together!
<3
tealily
I don't have too much specific advice to offer yet, just my support, encouragement and thanks: You have already made a difference for me! You clearly are a kind, smart, determined and compassionate person. Don't be so hard on yourself. It makes sense that it's a rollercoaster time of emotions and physical changes. Be kind to yourself! This isn't easy, but you are doing it, and even helping others along the way. Each day will get easier.
I'm cheering for you and believe in you!
We're in this together!
<3
tealily
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