Getting it together
Wino
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 3
Getting it together
Hi. I'm new. And today is my first day. I have been a steady wine drinker for 7 or so years. I was highly functional but 4 months ago my son died. Since then I drink to black out every night. I feel scared to lay down sober. My mind just goes in circles over my son. Drinking like this is really not helping me. I need to deal with my issues and my grief. I usually drink at night and suffer the hangover all day. So we'll see how tonight goes. I'm seriously tired of feeling horrible. I need to get myself together so I can be here to help pick up the pieces of what's left of my family.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
So sorry to read about your son. How devastating for you.
I drank through the death of both my parents. To ease the pain, I told myself. But the pain was always there and at the end I still had to deal with my grief. There is no getting around it. Wish I had done it sober.
You can.
I drank through the death of both my parents. To ease the pain, I told myself. But the pain was always there and at the end I still had to deal with my grief. There is no getting around it. Wish I had done it sober.
You can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, heatheris. Welcome to SR.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I can understand the desire to drink.
Unfortunately, in the long term, drinking doesn't help. In fact, it makes things worse.
I hope you will keep posting. This is a very supportive place.
Peace.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I can understand the desire to drink.
Unfortunately, in the long term, drinking doesn't help. In fact, it makes things worse.
I hope you will keep posting. This is a very supportive place.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Welcome Heath,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I understand the grief, as my family dealt with a lot of loss. How my mother and father ever endured losing 3 children is something I will never know.
You did the right thing by coming here. There is so much support from loving people who genuinely care and want to support you. We are all here to help you in any way we can. All you have to do is not drink today.
Please take care of yourself and again, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I understand the grief, as my family dealt with a lot of loss. How my mother and father ever endured losing 3 children is something I will never know.
You did the right thing by coming here. There is so much support from loving people who genuinely care and want to support you. We are all here to help you in any way we can. All you have to do is not drink today.
Please take care of yourself and again, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot imagine the pain. I turn to books to help through life's issues and there are some really excellent books on loss grieving:
On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Gratitude Gardener
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Much love and strength to you, Dear.
You are going to find the right support here to help you overcome these hurtles. There are people here who know this type of terrible grief and they self medicated in the same way you have. They took the same path as you did. Its very understandable that you self medicated in the way you have, and unfortunately, not actually helpful, as you know.
I will tell you that you will never find a more loving and supportive community of people. People here seem to have angel wings. This site is available to you 24/7 and there is a chat where you can usually find another person trying to remain sober to hang on to through the really tough hours when nothing seems to work, and when you would usually be drinking.
I stay on chat when I am afraid I will drink, or when I am sad, or when I get too overwhelmed, angry... Whatever.
Its enormously helpful to have that tool, and these people, to help you through.
Hold strong, and know that youre safe as long as youre staying close to this site, communicating whenever you need to, and reading posts when you can'y find someone else to talk to (in those rare moments).
You are going to find the right support here to help you overcome these hurtles. There are people here who know this type of terrible grief and they self medicated in the same way you have. They took the same path as you did. Its very understandable that you self medicated in the way you have, and unfortunately, not actually helpful, as you know.
I will tell you that you will never find a more loving and supportive community of people. People here seem to have angel wings. This site is available to you 24/7 and there is a chat where you can usually find another person trying to remain sober to hang on to through the really tough hours when nothing seems to work, and when you would usually be drinking.
I stay on chat when I am afraid I will drink, or when I am sad, or when I get too overwhelmed, angry... Whatever.
Its enormously helpful to have that tool, and these people, to help you through.
Hold strong, and know that youre safe as long as youre staying close to this site, communicating whenever you need to, and reading posts when you can'y find someone else to talk to (in those rare moments).
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Heather,
I pray for you and yours in this most horrible time of loss.
If I were to lose my son, 14 yo, I would be devastated.
Drinking is marketed to us as a way to grieve. It is part of movies etc, and was integral in my upbringing.
The real deal is...drinking is highly highly addictive.
Once addicted, it alters our minds to make us think it is helping us, making us feel better...but the hang over after a while is not worth it.
After a while it is not a hang over anymore, it is withdrawals and detox. It is medical.
Drinking causes brain damage. Brain Damage.
Our brains are toxified and need the toxin otherwise we feel undue stress for a long long time.
I still feel loads of stress that I believe will subside, but for a long long time I was smoldering mess everyday. It was a living nightmare.
Now that you want to quit, you have already won half the battle.
Education and participation is what I believe this site offers that will help many leave drinking forever.
Thanks.
I pray for you and yours in this most horrible time of loss.
If I were to lose my son, 14 yo, I would be devastated.
Drinking is marketed to us as a way to grieve. It is part of movies etc, and was integral in my upbringing.
The real deal is...drinking is highly highly addictive.
Once addicted, it alters our minds to make us think it is helping us, making us feel better...but the hang over after a while is not worth it.
After a while it is not a hang over anymore, it is withdrawals and detox. It is medical.
Drinking causes brain damage. Brain Damage.
Our brains are toxified and need the toxin otherwise we feel undue stress for a long long time.
I still feel loads of stress that I believe will subside, but for a long long time I was smoldering mess everyday. It was a living nightmare.
Now that you want to quit, you have already won half the battle.
Education and participation is what I believe this site offers that will help many leave drinking forever.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm sorry for you loss Heather - but I'm glad you found us...you'll find a lot of support here 
Drinking on grief means we never deal with the sadness and pain, we avoid it instead. Sadness and grief are natural reactions to loss and I hope you'll allow yourself to go through that. You;re not alone on the journey
Welcome to SR
D
Drinking on grief means we never deal with the sadness and pain, we avoid it instead. Sadness and grief are natural reactions to loss and I hope you'll allow yourself to go through that. You;re not alone on the journey
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 34
If you are worried go to the doc. It's worth it. Congratulations on your brave decision to get sober. I am so SO sorry for your loss. I had 6 days and then screwed up after a stressful day at my job (I intend to leave it soon). Big hugs to you, I'm sending all the good vibes
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Hi Heather,
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am glad you found us. This is an incredibly supportive group, and we are always here for one another.
If you are feeling withdrawal symptoms going to your doctor might be a good place to start. He/she can help you with the physical symptoms and even recommend some other supports that may be available in your area to help with both the grief, and the drinking.
Keep checking in. Sending lots of love your way.
❤Delilah
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am glad you found us. This is an incredibly supportive group, and we are always here for one another.
If you are feeling withdrawal symptoms going to your doctor might be a good place to start. He/she can help you with the physical symptoms and even recommend some other supports that may be available in your area to help with both the grief, and the drinking.
Keep checking in. Sending lots of love your way.
❤Delilah
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your son, Heather. I can't begin to imagine that pain. Please stay close and use the support here to help you stay sober today. Everyone here will be rooting for you. You're not on your own. Thinking of you and sending you lots of strength and love
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Do consider seeing a doctor if you're worried about withdrawal. That really is the safest way
and consider changing your member title - wino is a very limiting description - I'm sure it's clear to everyone already that you're much more than that
D
and consider changing your member title - wino is a very limiting description - I'm sure it's clear to everyone already that you're much more than that
D
Wino
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 3
I did it! I feel so much better. Think the worse of the withdrawal was last night. I went to my doc and she gave me anti anxiety and sleeping meds. I started the anti anxiety meds but feel like I should learn how to sleep unaided. Thx everyone. This is the best forum ever!
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