Wine drinking woman, desperate to stop
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
I read BixBees' thread, about updating a long-standing one, rather than posting new standalone updates, and I think I will occasionally keep up my original, intro post too.
I know some may be sick of seeing it, but it's my story from the beginning here and I hope it's ok to continue to update!
Everyone has their own style.. sometimes I wonder if I'm annoying people by being too positive. I hear some people say that stories of nothing but "unicorns and rainbows" get to them. Maybe I'm too positive. The irony is that in real life I'm known for being incredibly negative, a glass-half-empty kind of person. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost ever. Before I joined here, and way before finally posting, I had years of drinking and trying to stop and self loathing and failures. Posting here has been my turning point.
I feel such relief to be off the drinking treadmill and want to try to help others. I also know how fragile just a couple months are.
Coming here and reading others' stories, and trying to give hope to others, helps me, too. I'm a writer and editor, so putting my thoughts, worries, struggles and successes into words helps me in an especially tangible way.
I've now had a sober June, a sober July and am starting a sober August. Life is so much better.
Thanks, SR friends.
I know some may be sick of seeing it, but it's my story from the beginning here and I hope it's ok to continue to update!
Everyone has their own style.. sometimes I wonder if I'm annoying people by being too positive. I hear some people say that stories of nothing but "unicorns and rainbows" get to them. Maybe I'm too positive. The irony is that in real life I'm known for being incredibly negative, a glass-half-empty kind of person. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost ever. Before I joined here, and way before finally posting, I had years of drinking and trying to stop and self loathing and failures. Posting here has been my turning point.
I feel such relief to be off the drinking treadmill and want to try to help others. I also know how fragile just a couple months are.
Coming here and reading others' stories, and trying to give hope to others, helps me, too. I'm a writer and editor, so putting my thoughts, worries, struggles and successes into words helps me in an especially tangible way.
I've now had a sober June, a sober July and am starting a sober August. Life is so much better.
Thanks, SR friends.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by tealily 
I read BixBees' thread, about updating a long-standing one, rather than posting new standalone updates, and I think I will occasionally keep up my original, intro post too.
I know some may be sick of seeing it, but it's my story from the beginning here and I hope it's ok to continue to update!
Everyone has their own style.. sometimes I wonder if I'm annoying people by being too positive. I hear some people say that stories of nothing but "unicorns and rainbows" get to them. Maybe I'm too positive. The irony is that in real life I'm known for being incredibly negative, a glass-half-empty kind of person. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost ever. Before I joined here, and way before finally posting, I had years of drinking and trying to stop and self loathing and failures. Posting here has been my turning point.
I feel such relief to be off the drinking treadmill and want to try to help others. I also know how fragile just a couple months are.
Coming here and reading others' stories, and trying to give hope to others, helps me, too. I'm a writer and editor, so putting my thoughts, worries, struggles and successes into words helps me in an especially tangible way.
I've now had a sober June, a sober July and am starting a sober August. Life is so much better.
Thanks, SR friends.
I know some may be sick of seeing it, but it's my story from the beginning here and I hope it's ok to continue to update!
Everyone has their own style.. sometimes I wonder if I'm annoying people by being too positive. I hear some people say that stories of nothing but "unicorns and rainbows" get to them. Maybe I'm too positive. The irony is that in real life I'm known for being incredibly negative, a glass-half-empty kind of person. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost ever. Before I joined here, and way before finally posting, I had years of drinking and trying to stop and self loathing and failures. Posting here has been my turning point.
I feel such relief to be off the drinking treadmill and want to try to help others. I also know how fragile just a couple months are.
Coming here and reading others' stories, and trying to give hope to others, helps me, too. I'm a writer and editor, so putting my thoughts, worries, struggles and successes into words helps me in an especially tangible way.
I've now had a sober June, a sober July and am starting a sober August. Life is so much better.
Thanks, SR friends.
Xx
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I love your post and updates over the last couple of months. thank you. I can relate to your life so much. I'm only on day 6 and still up and down but so looking forward to feeling the stability and positivity which echoes through your posts.
You are an inspiration - please keep posting
You are an inspiration - please keep posting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I love your post and updates over the last couple of months. thank you. I can relate to your life so much. I'm only on day 6 and still up and down but so looking forward to feeling the stability and positivity which echoes through your posts.
You are an inspiration - please keep posting
You are an inspiration - please keep posting
You'll start having more ups than downs. It gets better!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Well into August now, and a full summer with no alcohol. What a difference these months have made! I feel younger, stronger and so much better.
The other night one of my kids had an unexpected health episode, and I had to be up several times in the middle of the night to deal with medical care. I had to be clear headed and able to give medication which could be extremely dangerous. In the past, I no doubt would've been incapacitated by wine. I shudder to think what my BAC would've been and what I would've tried to do in that state. It was such a relief to look back the next day and know I was capable, responsible, fully present and able to do what needed to be done for someone who was counting on me.
It's just such a relief to be able to be my full and best self. Not dimmed, diminished, dulled and damaged by alcohol.
The other night one of my kids had an unexpected health episode, and I had to be up several times in the middle of the night to deal with medical care. I had to be clear headed and able to give medication which could be extremely dangerous. In the past, I no doubt would've been incapacitated by wine. I shudder to think what my BAC would've been and what I would've tried to do in that state. It was such a relief to look back the next day and know I was capable, responsible, fully present and able to do what needed to be done for someone who was counting on me.
It's just such a relief to be able to be my full and best self. Not dimmed, diminished, dulled and damaged by alcohol.
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Tealily, you don't deserve wine; you deserve better. Go back to what worked previously and build on it. You've been sober before, you can be sober again. When midnight cravings strike, weigh the options: "do I want misery all night and purgatory tomorrow," or "a less sweaty and disrupted night followed by a hangover free morning with a potential-filled day ahead?"
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Les, very true.
Although I do get cravings and thoughts of drinking, and even "hey, maybe I could try again some time and moderate?", I know they are false and LIES.
I haven't broken my "no alcohol no matter what pledge" yet.
It surprises me by how often it happens. It's rarely in typical drinking situations.. more just out of the blue while walking my dog, showering, driving or otherwise being busy. Crazy thoughts, like an assault from outside. But fortunately have not acted on them.
Still hanging in there, coming up on 90 days. Thankfully!
Although I do get cravings and thoughts of drinking, and even "hey, maybe I could try again some time and moderate?", I know they are false and LIES.
I haven't broken my "no alcohol no matter what pledge" yet.
It surprises me by how often it happens. It's rarely in typical drinking situations.. more just out of the blue while walking my dog, showering, driving or otherwise being busy. Crazy thoughts, like an assault from outside. But fortunately have not acted on them.
Still hanging in there, coming up on 90 days. Thankfully!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Posts: 467
WOW...your story is so similar to mine - minus the husband and anti-depressants. So many things you said a about drinking alone, justifying another bottle or 2, gaining weight ( i too was petite and not overweight) now 40 pounds too heavy and look like I am pregnant, trying to talk normal so that nobody would notice I am drunk, etc etc. My poison was wine also, but I was never a morning drinker. When I was hungover the last thing I wanted was a glass of wine. I was more of a weekend drinker most of the time as I got older. Your story is inspiring and keep up the great work!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Hi Kachal,
Thank you for your message and encouragement.
I'm at 112 days now and recently got through a weekend getaway with cocktail hours and open bars. I had a revelation .. I didn't feel deprived. In fact, smelling wine (in particular) on others' breath was gross to me.. the purple-stained teeth, the loud behavior, the tangy reek of alcohol. I tried not to feel too superior, because that's obnoxious too, but I was relieved to feel grateful, rather than left out.
Turning that corner has been huge.
Thank you for your message and encouragement.
I'm at 112 days now and recently got through a weekend getaway with cocktail hours and open bars. I had a revelation .. I didn't feel deprived. In fact, smelling wine (in particular) on others' breath was gross to me.. the purple-stained teeth, the loud behavior, the tangy reek of alcohol. I tried not to feel too superior, because that's obnoxious too, but I was relieved to feel grateful, rather than left out.
Turning that corner has been huge.
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