Della1968

I think some were a little harsh with the opening poster. There is nothing wrong with thinking of herself. Seriously she is leaving parties early for him and refusing invitations. I think perhaps it is not her that needs to compromise more but him that needs to a bit.

Mizzuno

It is not your job to take care of the alcoholic. Sure you can be supportive and listen. You two can go to activities without alcohol. You can also drink on occasion and not have someone monitor you. His problem with alcohol is not your problem. If this relationship is one that you want to continue in, this issue needs to be addressed. Perhaps you two can find a common ground.

MrPL

I would talk to him, there s nothing wrong with your concern, and in my case the conversation did take place and I stopped feeling uncomfortable after that.

Best wishes
P

fini

Scarlett,
you say you spoke a lot about this before deciding to get involved, so i assume you clarified these concerns.
stands to reason that after clarifying, the actual experience in the situations can be different from what you both predicted or thought you would be okay with.
maybe he didn't think he would be edgy? maybe you didn't predict it would evoke issues of independence for you? that kind of thing.
revisiting those conversations and adding your current experiences to the conversation sounds like a good idea and only honest way forward.

i noticed you said you leave gatherings where drinks are offered, because he wants to leave and you wnt to support him.
and that's wonderful!
what you actually said, though, is "which i agree to in order to look after him".
it's not your job to look after him or his alcoholism. that is quite different from being supportive. my opinion, of course.
sounds to me like you would get a lot of good feedback in the Friends and Family sections here about how to look after yourself and not get swallowed up in caretaking about fears about his possible triggers, decisions or choices.