Confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 25
Confused
I've been sober now for 33 days, my problem is that only I feel that my drinking was becoming an issue.
My wife was pretty angry when she saw I had been browsing this forum proclaiming I definitely do not have a drink problem. She likes we are doing more stuff at the weekend and thinks it's good I have cut back.... I've stopped......Kids are away with there mum for a week, wife tells me to go for a beer with my mates. My Mum asks me out for a meal at a fancy restaurant tomorrow and if I want a glass of wine they will pick me up!!!!
I've not confided with anyone apart from one friend. I haven't told anyone else that I think I was drinking too much.
I would like a glass of wine tomorrow and to go with mates for a beer.
I'm taking the car to the restaurant tomorrow and meeting a friend for a sober game of pool.
A lot of positives have came out of stopping drinking .
1. My depression and anxiety are easing.
2. I look healthier.
3. Lost nearly a stone.
4. Been in the gym almost daily.
5. Getting loads more done in the house and days out with family. Maybe becoming a bit compulsive with cleaning.
Half of me thinks I could have a drink again on social occasions just quit the frequent (2-4 times a week) drinking at home. I've never tried cutting back before and feel I could quite easily sit in a restaurant have a couple of glasses of wine and stop.
I'm sorry if I'm a fraud, I'm confused.
My wife was pretty angry when she saw I had been browsing this forum proclaiming I definitely do not have a drink problem. She likes we are doing more stuff at the weekend and thinks it's good I have cut back.... I've stopped......Kids are away with there mum for a week, wife tells me to go for a beer with my mates. My Mum asks me out for a meal at a fancy restaurant tomorrow and if I want a glass of wine they will pick me up!!!!
I've not confided with anyone apart from one friend. I haven't told anyone else that I think I was drinking too much.
I would like a glass of wine tomorrow and to go with mates for a beer.
I'm taking the car to the restaurant tomorrow and meeting a friend for a sober game of pool.
A lot of positives have came out of stopping drinking .
1. My depression and anxiety are easing.
2. I look healthier.
3. Lost nearly a stone.
4. Been in the gym almost daily.
5. Getting loads more done in the house and days out with family. Maybe becoming a bit compulsive with cleaning.
Half of me thinks I could have a drink again on social occasions just quit the frequent (2-4 times a week) drinking at home. I've never tried cutting back before and feel I could quite easily sit in a restaurant have a couple of glasses of wine and stop.
I'm sorry if I'm a fraud, I'm confused.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Half of me thinks I could have a drink again on social occasions just quit the frequent (2-4 times a week) drinking at home. I've never tried cutting back before and feel I could quite easily sit in a restaurant have a couple of glasses of wine and stop."
and the other half says?????
and the other half says?????
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
You're not a fraud, just torn between two desires: the desire to stay sober and see how much better it can get, and the desire to go out with friends and drink. I'm biased toward the sober option, as I've been sober well over seven years now and don't regret a minute of it. 
Also, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of your drinking. If it's a problem to you, then staying sober will be a good thing.
Also, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of your drinking. If it's a problem to you, then staying sober will be a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I see you listed all the positives that came from not drinking. Great list.
Why not make a list of all the negatives when you drank? Maybe you'll find the answer you need there.
I remember when I hit the 30 day mark. My AV tried to convince me, I could have a few as well. I never once regretted my decision to stay sober and not listen.
You're not a fraud, your AV is playing with you.
Why not make a list of all the negatives when you drank? Maybe you'll find the answer you need there.
I remember when I hit the 30 day mark. My AV tried to convince me, I could have a few as well. I never once regretted my decision to stay sober and not listen.
You're not a fraud, your AV is playing with you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Hi Mark,
Go back and read your first post. You might find that you are less confused by re-reading what you wrote.
33 days is great...but it's really just the beginning. In such a short time, you've already seen major improvements in your lifestyle. It appears that your wife is not much of a drinker, hence she doesn't know a lot about this disease. You mentioned that you thought your Dad was an alcoholic (as was mine). I believe that this disease is hereditary, others may disagree...
The bottom line is you are the only one who can decide if alcohol is a problem. I remember the first time I stopped drinking. The hangovers, non-productive weekends, stress and anxiety was becoming overwhelming. After 3 months of sobriety, I decided to start drinking again because like you, I didn't drink every day and I hadn't had a lot of negative consequences related to my drinking (all that came after I began drinking again). What I managed to do was forget the reasons I stopped drinking because I was feeling so much better and I felt that I could manage my drinking. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. It wasn't long before I was right back at ground zero, same lifestyle I had before I stopped drinking...and it got much worse.
I'm not sure if I've been helpful...just sharing my own experience and hopeful it may be of help to you.
Go back and read your first post. You might find that you are less confused by re-reading what you wrote.
33 days is great...but it's really just the beginning. In such a short time, you've already seen major improvements in your lifestyle. It appears that your wife is not much of a drinker, hence she doesn't know a lot about this disease. You mentioned that you thought your Dad was an alcoholic (as was mine). I believe that this disease is hereditary, others may disagree...
The bottom line is you are the only one who can decide if alcohol is a problem. I remember the first time I stopped drinking. The hangovers, non-productive weekends, stress and anxiety was becoming overwhelming. After 3 months of sobriety, I decided to start drinking again because like you, I didn't drink every day and I hadn't had a lot of negative consequences related to my drinking (all that came after I began drinking again). What I managed to do was forget the reasons I stopped drinking because I was feeling so much better and I felt that I could manage my drinking. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. It wasn't long before I was right back at ground zero, same lifestyle I had before I stopped drinking...and it got much worse.
I'm not sure if I've been helpful...just sharing my own experience and hopeful it may be of help to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
congratulations on 33 days! That is a great list.
I am jealous that number 5 hasn't happened to me yet! lol
I think if you found this site and decided to quit then you were probably having a problem with alcohol. I would keep moving forward! Things will only get better!!
I am jealous that number 5 hasn't happened to me yet! lol
I think if you found this site and decided to quit then you were probably having a problem with alcohol. I would keep moving forward! Things will only get better!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Half of me thinks I could have a drink again on social occasions just quit the frequent (2-4 times a week) drinking at home. I've never tried cutting back before and feel I could quite easily sit in a restaurant have a couple of glasses of wine and stop.
If I was betting man, I could make a lot of money off peoples surety that they can control their drinking now.
Your AV is lying to you:
I've never tried cutting back before
I've committed to reducing loads of times but it always goes back to where I am now.
stuff like this really doesn't go away in 33 days.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Mark - what a great post, with caring & helpful responses. I can only add that I'm glad you're here to talk things over. 33 days is something to be proud of - but yes, it is still early days yet. I was thrilled to be sober, but doubt crept in once in a while in the first year. I'm so thankful I never caved.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Mark,
It only got worse and worse for me. Each quit and relapse was worse.
Your family likely won't get it until they have a reason to quit.
I didn't get it until I was going mad w anxiety and fear.
If you relapse, I imagine the regret will be strong because you have the info in front of you.
Stay clean sir.
Thanks.
It only got worse and worse for me. Each quit and relapse was worse.
Your family likely won't get it until they have a reason to quit.
I didn't get it until I was going mad w anxiety and fear.
If you relapse, I imagine the regret will be strong because you have the info in front of you.
Stay clean sir.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi Mark,
Congratulations on 33 days, that is a great start.
I have made the mistake in the past if thinking I could moderate, and I wasn't able to do so at all. I have almost 17 months sober, and Life really is better sober.
You can do this.
Congratulations on 33 days, that is a great start.
I have made the mistake in the past if thinking I could moderate, and I wasn't able to do so at all. I have almost 17 months sober, and Life really is better sober.
You can do this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
