FreeOwl

I don't remember blacking out.

I guess we seldom do.

I remember I'd been drinking the evening's stress away and cruising toward oblivion in a familiar haze.

I remember feeling a sense of shame and grief, because I'd sworn 'not today'.

Even as I pulled into the liquor store.

But then next thing I knew I'd awoken Inna stupor... still dark out.... maybe 530 am.

Kitchen a mess. Head pounding. Feeling the nausea rock me violently.

I remember standing at the kitchen sink a little before 6am, slugging down great gulps of vodka from the freezer-cold bottle.

Vomiting into the sink.

Then slugging down more.

I don't remember blacking out again, or where thato entire day went.

I remember being so confused when my mother arrived to check on me. Her distress. My stupid attempts to act like 'everything is FINE'.

I remember those images, reeled together on a spool of haunting memories.

I'm so grateful I came back from that awful edge..... so grateful that this morning, I awoke sober. No vodka in the morning today.

So grateful I never have to do that again.

Tonymblue

Well said. I too am glad those days are over. Drinking vodka first thing in the morning. Trying to keep it down until it helped with the withdrawals. What a nightmare.

August252015

I did much the same - your comment about Mom coming over was SO true for me, whew. ALL of us are so grateful i am not and will never be back in that place.

Bunny211

Yep.
For me it was listerine at 4am because the liquor store was not open.
AWFUL.
It was hell.

PhoenixJ

thomas11

Do you ever wonder how we got that far down the rabbit hole? I remember when I was younger I'd shudder at the thought of drinking before it got dark. Then it was ok for happy hour and day drinking was ok on vacation. It progressed from there. Thank you for the reminder.

FreeOwl

yes.....

and I shudder at the thought of how close we may have gotten to the absolute bottom of that rabbit hole as well....

Shitzupuppy

That wasn't my path. I knew a long time ago I get addicted. But I never thought it would be to alcohol. I never tried any of the "hard drugs" because i knew deep inside me, I would never recover.
At some point in my 20s, long before I started day drinking, i knew that if I ever was able to, I would do it.. ie, I needed some outside person or obligation to keep me from doing it.

Now, retired, I had no one stopping me. Except my wife's unhappiness and ultimately my own.