neacsy

Hi I'm new to recovery so if I'm on the wrong page please point me in the right direction.
I am really bad with relationships and friends as I believe I have a big heart which is a strength but also my biggest weakness and when my heart is broken it seeks revenge in a cold and calculated way. This is why I'm trying to quit alcohol as it allows me to do stupid things that I would not do when I'm sober.
I have recently been stupid and lost everything well that's how I feel anyway so anxiety has kicked in every day now for the last month and it makes me feel sick and uncomfortable and alcohol is the only thing that makes it go away.
I guess it's karma in a way but the anxiety is from the thoughts of I could've went about things so much better as it was totally out of character.
I'm seeking help and have an appointment with a psychologist and the beginning of next month but as for now I am trying to limit alcohol to the weekend only .
Any suggestions or conversation will be greatly appreciated.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR neacsy. I am an anxiety sufferer as well and tried to "cope" with it by drinking too. Unfortunately, alcohol actually makes it worse. It seems like it might be helping for a short period of time, but it almost always comes back worse. And eventually, even the alcohol can't chase away the anxiety anymore.

My solution was to seek help via therapy too, glad to hear you are going to see someone. There are a plethora of ways to deal with anxiety, both therapy and medication based - don't be afraid to be honest and try a few different things. Mindfulness and meditation have helped me, as well as eating well and trying to get some exercise on a regular basis too.

Regarding "limiting" your alcohol to weekend use only, keep in mind that it takes quite a long time for your mind and body to recover from alcohol, so in a sense you are just cycling in and out of the anxiety rollercoaster...and it can get worse and worse each time. The biggest factor in helping me deal with my anxiety was to stop drinking completely.

Anna

I echo everything that Scott said. Stopping drinking completely would be a big step in helping with your anxiety. I'm glad you are planning to talk to a psychologist.

noneever

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I first started drinking in my late teens, it was like I'd found a magical elixir to wash the anxiety away. I have since learned however that the anxiety I feel on a day to day basis is nothing compared to when I've been drinking. It increases it 1000%
Sounds like it's time for you to see if no drinking = less anxiety.

neacsy

Thank you for the advice.
I have a lot of work ahead of me for I have destroyed all my past preservation as a good human being.
I will never recover fully from the memory of the people I have let down and hurt as my brain never forgets the good and bad.
I tried to give up drinking last week and lasted 2 days and relapsed on Saturday since then I've been drinking the last 4 days so I will have another go the rest of this week.
I'm pretty good as far as exercise goes but thanks heaps on the suggestion of diet as I have not been eating well or not at all.

neacsy

I've been sober for almost 2 weeks now which is good I suppose.
Been attending AA meetings and they are helping in my recovery as they give me education on how to deal with sobriety.
It's not all good though, I'm still anxious and obsessing over the past few months but time heals everything I hope.
So much irony and contradiction in my life and I don't know what is real anymore. I feel lost.

ljc267

That's good to hear.

The anxiety and obsessive thoughts are quite normal. I couldn't get stuff out of my head either.

I was given the advice of meditation. At first I was skeptical, but it has helped me greatly with focus and anxiety. I highly recommend it.

Unwound

It takes time; you didn't develop a drinking problem in a few weeks and you can't get rid of it that quickly either. From my experience it takes about two months for you to get back to something like normality and even then there's plenty yet to go. It does get better, just stick it out.

neacsy

Thanks ljc and unwound for your help. It means a lot to me that these feelings are the norm. It also makes me feel better to express those feelings on here. Therefore sorry about the whinge lol. I know I still have a lot to go through and I will try to be strong. I have had great support from family and friends. The day's go so slow now .

Unwound

No need to apologise for anything we are all just feeling our way along trying to stay sane and sober. I remember only really being aware of how much of a problem I had when I was about where you are now. It's a weird mix of anxiety and obsession and it feels like your mind is just spinning round in circles; it's tough. It does gets bit easier each day and you start to notice little bits which aren't do bad as the days and weeks pass. Good luck.

tomls

Keep coming back here !!Reading and posting. You are not bothering anyone. You are helping others by posting and asking questions or just talking about feelings. Keep coming back this is a great place to help you get sober!

Dee74

No need to apologise at all neacsy - it's great to have you here

D

neacsy

Hi,it's been a month sober yew.
I've made going to AA kinda a religious thing as I've been attending every Wednesday night. They help me a lot especially because I can tell them my story and can be totally honest without them passing judgement.
The anxiety has almost gone now and I have started dating again, it feels great to be able to talk to the opposite sex without relying on the confidence of alcohol.
I went on a road trip by myself last weekend but had to come home early as I started thinking about buying alcohol and locking myself in a hotel room for the night.
So the thoughts are still there but now I realize that they come on like a wave and those thoughts do pass.
I really hope I don't relapse as I am enjoying sobriety a lot and thank you guy's for showing me the way .

rascalwhiteoak

Neacsy, that's great news!

teatreeoil007

Welcome to SR. I've needed to learn how to let go of stuff and just trust in the Lord. It's been some hard lessons, but I do feel a lot better.

Dee74

I'm glad things are going well Neacsy

D

uncorked

Hi Neacsy, wow, great job on your sobriety!!! I've found guided meditations (free on youtube) to be extremely helpful. I often have trouble falling asleep and these really take the edge off for me. I'm not good at regular meditating, but guided ones are awesome. Try them and see if they help.

neacsy

Hi I'll be blunt.
I relapsed Saturday week ago it was a great idea at the moment as I went away camping with a friend and it was a great night by the campfire.
But I got the taste for it and kept drinking the week following. So I guess I'm starting over again. Which is 3 day's now.
On another topic, I miss her so much and there is nothing I can do about it. It's like grieving for a close one that's died but they are still here which makes it hurt more. Especially when I'm the cause of it falling apart. I made a mistake.
Sometimes I just want to contact her just to get a reply whether it be positive or negative, at least I'll hear from here again but that would be digging a deeper hole.
I've tried dating and been on 3 dates but I can't force myself again the pain is too real. I've missed a great opportunity in life because of alcohol and I am sad (not depressed )for it .
I'm working again and socializing so I've gotten over that hump. Camping and kayaking has been awesome . Making the lads at work laugh again with my silly dad jokes and have a few new people in my life.
Thanks for reading.

Ricky112

I'm sure a lot of us have lost relationships and more due to our drinking, myself included. Took me a few years of being on benders to realize they left for a reason and aren't coming back.

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank again Neacsy. What do you think you might do differently this time?