I'm an alcoholic and I'm pregnant
 

Hi there, I'm 35 and have a 3 year old daughter and I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with my second. This baby was not planned, I actually thought I was going through the early menapause. At the time I conceived, I was using the Sinclair Method and also taking campral but my drinking had crept back up to 10 units/vodka per day.

I was 4 weeks pregnant when I found out and didn't quite believe it, things were not good with my partner. I stopped the medication immediately, and the vodka, but that weekend I had a couple of small glasses of wine. I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the baby, but started taking prenatal vitamins.

At 5 weeks pregnant I went away with friends for the weekend, I bought myself a miniature vodka (1.5 units) and had mouthfuls of wine, just a few throughout that period. At 6 weeks pregant I had a huge row with my partner and was fairly sure I didn't want to keep the baby, and I drank around 4 - 5 miniature bottles of vodka (1.5 units each) over 2-3 days.

We made up and I moved back home, at which point we decided the pregnancy was a positive thing and I stopped drinking vodka, I was about 6+3 days. Over the course of the first trimester I had about 2 half serves of wine with meals, I tipped the rest away as I felt guilty.

By 12 weeks I'd had a couple of scans and all looking well, I'm so ashamed to admit I have drank minature vodkas (1.5 units) on a few occasion, never more than one, justifying it to myself that many people have the occasional drink after the first trimester, but of course they are most likely not alcoholics. I feel anxious and unable to relax without knowing I can have around 3 per week, so 4.5 units.

I'm feeling addicted but more than that, terrible guilt that this child may have FAS. I spend hours researching it, reading studies that highlight weeks 4-7 as crucial (which is when I was drinking most, although never more than 2-3 units per day). I just don't know what to do, no-one knows I'm drinking at all.

I don't know what I'm asking for, I expect judgement. I don't feel like I can discuss this with my doctors. I'm just so terrified.

Have you thought of going to a meeting? If you have been researching- you know the evidence. I cannot advise you- or can I encourage you. All I can do is suggest for your health and that of your child- you stop drinking- SEE your doctor and get to a meeting.

Hi there! I actually have known many women in this very situation. It's fairly common for women to drink before they realize they're pregnant, and as long as you stop early enough it's probably okay.

I would say get yourself to a meeting asap and find a woman sponsor, preferably someone older than you who has had experience with this. This will help you to be accountable to someone who knows and can check in with you as you explore why it is you drink when you know it's dangerous. It's not recommended to even have a little wine, but something hard like vodka is a very slippery slope. If you're anything like me, all responsibilities go out the window when that first sip hits my lips.

Get to a women's meeting and don't be ashamed to tell them everything you're going through. They will understand and offer sound suggestions and support.

Welcome pregnantandafraid. Glad you've come here to seek help. I would say that you absolutely need to let your doctor know about this as much as you might be afraid to do so. Googling FAS is only going to make things worse as you cannot diagnose things via the internet, and it will most likely contribute to your anxiety.

Your situation is not uncommon, but the fact that you are still drinking and rationalizing it is very concerning. There is most likely no "safe" amount of alcohol to drink while pregnant, especially hard liquor. Not sure if you are getting that info of the web or not but i'd highly recommend speaking with your doctor - the conversations are confidential and they have heard them before.

As others have suggested, a womans meeting sounds like a great idea too, or perhaps contacting your local woman's health groups that most cities have.

The real bottom line is that this is no longer just a problem concerning you - it concerns another life that is directly affected by your choices. That is not a judgment, just a fact you need to come to realize for yourself.

It is good that you have posted here. I hope you continue to do so.
Please set an appointment with your doctor and speak with them about your alcohol use. It is imperative for the health of your unborn child and yourself. I highly recommend not using the internet as a tool of for self diagnosis.

please meet with your OB/GYN as soon as possible, tell them everything you shared here about how much you ARE still drinking, and let them help you. the only advice we can give here is of course to STOP drinking immediately. you mention concern of FAS, the best way to make sure that is not an issue is stop putting alcohol into your system. everything you eat or drink, so does the baby. so next time you think of taking a drink, imagine holding it to your infant's lips.......

do the best, wisest thing. i know you can.

Welcome, please, please talk to your dr and tell him everything. This is about your child. You need to get the best care for your child and the dr needs to know the whole situation. Please put your shame aside and do this for your baby.

This is our link on FAS:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-syndrome.html

I don't really have much advice P&A but I do know that doctors and other health professionals are always pleased when someone presents themselves before any lasting damage. Also I do not believe they have anything to be judgemental about. You have a situation, you are not in denial about it and you will have acted promptly.

I would say that is commendable rather than deserving censure.

I agree, don't let feelings of shame hold you back from getting help. Grab some courage for both of you and reach out to your doctor and other supports.

I also wanted to suggest, now would be a great time to get yourself into treatment. Get yourself in and give it your all, and be removed from the world and it's stressors and temptation within short reach.
The 6 week treatment program I went to I met a mom who was pregnant. It was a great atmosphere for support and without judgment, to build the start of a good foundation for sobriety.
It made a huge difference for me being removed from the world to focus on me.

Instead of scaring yourself into more guilt and shame, maybe try starting to google supports available to you in your community. If you have access to an addictions counselor they may be able to point you in all kinds of directions.
I also think a women's recovery group would be really good to try.

You will feel immensely better when you start taking some positive action and that means taking care of you. Get a list together, grab some courage and faith, and forge on. You can do this. :hug:

Hoping you find the strength to follow some of this advice and get some help.

Some excellent suggestions above, Pregnantafraid.

I can promise you this... you'll never feel guilty about not drinking. Please be honest with a professional, and get some help. Your baby is depending on you. You had the courage to come here and post, that takes guts. Now take the next step. I know you can!

We're here to support you through this. :)

Thank-you so much for all the responses, and most of lack of judgment. I made a decision today that I will not drink anymore, and I know I won't, having had many AF periods. I don't know where my head has been - justifying to myself that it hasn't been much, I frightened myself when I went through my bank statements last night to work out the exact points in the pregnancy I'd had drinks. I'm not as concerned about the units I've had in the last 2 weeks as those consumed in the first trimester.

With regards to confiding in my care-givers, I'm under the public health system in australia and do not see the same Obstetrician or Midwife twice, so firstly there is not that relationship. Secondly, I'm not sure what the benefit would be - FAS cannot be Dx until after the birth. I will mention my concerns about drinking up to 6 weeks though, but I will say I hadn't been aware of the pregnancy at that point.

I understand the encouragement to be honest, but when you have children, their welfare is paramount (as it should be) and if you are flagged as putting them at risk, the repercussions are great and my children could be removed from my care. For obvious reasons this is not something I am willing to risk.

I have an AOD counsellor, but I have not been honest about my consumption. For the most part I have been AF, and as mentioned I've been in some denial about drinking, but they have advised me also that if I disclose I'm drinking, welfare services will be notified, so it's a catch 22 situation. I've never been to an AA meeting and that is something I will look at doing.

It's so hard to get support when you are functioning alcoholic with children. I work, I am studying a Masters and no-one knows about my problem apart from my partner. From the outside, everything is fine. I genuinely feel that this is something I need to address myself.

Thank-you again for helping me to make the decision to quit drinking immediately and realising my drinking is a higher level than the 'light' drinking I thought I had been doing.

Welcome.....try & stay in the now & not beat yourself up....it will not help you to move forward. know you are not alone in this & thoughts of Love & strength your way. I was drinking heavily before I found out I was pregnant & it was hard to discuss with the doctor but gave me relief & they can give baby proper care & aid you in your recovery, Be kind to yourself:)

""

Thank-you Mariah, how many weeks along were you when you found out? Is your child okay?

I've had an apt. this afternoon with an obstetrician and I mentioned to her that I've been having anxiety about drinking in the first 6 weeks (anxiety is listed on my history). She laughed and said don't worry, baby will be fine they are very resilient. I lied and said I was drinking a bottle of wine per day up until then (it was actually a lot less weeks 4-6 when I knew I was pregnant) and she didn't flinch.

I have a 20 week scan coming up, I know it won't show FAS symptoms but I am still nervous about it. Everything else is fine, baby is measuring fine.

I'm in Australia too - I'm not a Dr or a woman, so I can't speaks of benefits but I can't see any situation where you saying nothing helps the bub.

I reckon the only reasons not to mention your drinking are things like shame and guilt...not good enough reasons when you have a little life to care for. yeah? :)

D

[QUOTE=Dee74;6463432]I'm in Australia too - I'm not a Dr or a woman, so I can't speaks of benefits but I can't see any situation where you saying nothing helps the bub.

I reckon the only reasons not to mention your drinking are things like shame and guilt...not good enough reasons when you have a little life to care for. yeah? :)

I've advised the obs of my fear of damage caused by drinking up to 6 weeks today and she laughed. I've had 5 drinks in my second trimester which is the equivalent of one per week, so I think she would laugh at that too. What do you think I should be disclosing? That I'm an alcoholic that is not currently drinking to pre-pregnancy levels? How is that helping the unborn baby? And given that FAS is not Dx until after birth, there is literally nothing that can be done until then (and even then, without facial characteristics it would be a 'wait and see' approach, what benefit do you think alerting my caregivers and consequently risking welfare services monitoring me, is there? Even if you believe that is something that should be done, I can tell you as a Mother who has hope for a better future, it is something you will avoid.

It's not about shame at all, if I thought there was a single benefit then I would be pushing for an early Dx...or anything. But intervention like that simply doesn't exist.

Sorry you didn't find my post helpful or useful - my fault.

I read this
but I did miss the detail of the later post where you said you've decided to stop drinking,

My thinking in my post was there may be something they/The Drs can do to help you find real world support to stop drinking.

I'll let the mums and moms comment here from now on :)

Best wishes to you and your unborn child :)

D

Thank-you, and I'm feeling quite defensive about the whole situation especially with regard to not future with my children. I work in welfare services (including AOD believe it or not, I'm a social worker) I know what care is like - I'm not saying that would happen but I also know how readily notifications are made by health professionals.

I've only been drinking this last 3 weeks in my second trimester, and I've had 5 drinks so the equivalent of 1.5 units per week. To be honest it's the damage that could have been done in the first 6 weeks that is causing the anguish, and the fact my alcohol levels were very high at the time of conception.

I'm going to attend a women's AA meeting next week, thanks to this thread 😊 unfortunate I just don't have a huge amount of faith support services, especially those that are government run, since I have a child and I'm pregnant.

"I'm feeling addicted but more than that, terrible guilt that this child may have FAS. I spend hours researching it, reading studies that highlight weeks 4-7 as crucial (which is when I was drinking most, although never more than 2-3 units per day). I just don't know what to do, no-one knows I'm drinking at all.

I don't know what I'm asking for, I expect judgement. I don't feel like I can discuss this with my doctors. I'm just so terrified. "


I am not sure where the defense is coming from when others are telling you to speak with your DR. There are specific words that you used in relation to FAS and your fears. When others echoed your concerns and advised to speak to the doctor you then went on defense. Perhaps raising your concerns with the current doctor squashed all your fears? In any case, its good that you are no longer drinking and that you are getting healthy for your unborn child.