I fell off the wagon after a years abstenance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
I fell off the wagon after a years abstenance
I am so angry with myself for believing I could have a glass of wine after a year on the wagon. It's as if the last year did not happen.
I know I have to start from scratch again and it feels worse this time.
Is this normal, does this also mean that I can never drink alcohol again?
I know I have to start from scratch again and it feels worse this time.
Is this normal, does this also mean that I can never drink alcohol again?
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Tissin, welcome to the board! Lots of great support here.
This was your first post so it's hard to get a firm foothold on what you're asking. One thing though, if you reread your post and really think about it you'll see the insanity that alcohol creates.
You quit for a year, there must be something that led you to quit? You're trying to quit this time and finding it harder (which is how it is for everyone). You're angry with yourself for picking up again. Then, you end with asking if all this means that you can never drink again.
Do you see the insanity?
Life is so much better without alcohol, you lived it for a year, you know this. What led you to take that drink?
Read, read, read, you're going to find you are not alone.
I'm glad you're here.
This was your first post so it's hard to get a firm foothold on what you're asking. One thing though, if you reread your post and really think about it you'll see the insanity that alcohol creates.
You quit for a year, there must be something that led you to quit? You're trying to quit this time and finding it harder (which is how it is for everyone). You're angry with yourself for picking up again. Then, you end with asking if all this means that you can never drink again.
Do you see the insanity?
Life is so much better without alcohol, you lived it for a year, you know this. What led you to take that drink?
Read, read, read, you're going to find you are not alone.
I'm glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Tissin,
I think you haven't ruined everyhthing. You learned it is perfectly possible to live sober, which is not easy to do.
As to never drinking again only you can tell. Based on my own experience I d say no, I m only 9 months sober now but I did quit coke 7 years ago. About one year after that I decided to try it again in moderation, which turned into a massive 3 days binge.
Never touched it since, so the year I had clean before that must have counted for something!
You got this, wagon is there, just hop in again!
P
I think you haven't ruined everyhthing. You learned it is perfectly possible to live sober, which is not easy to do.
As to never drinking again only you can tell. Based on my own experience I d say no, I m only 9 months sober now but I did quit coke 7 years ago. About one year after that I decided to try it again in moderation, which turned into a massive 3 days binge.
Never touched it since, so the year I had clean before that must have counted for something!
You got this, wagon is there, just hop in again!
P
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
After 5 months sober, I decided consciously that it was OK.... I'd just needed a break. I needed to be more conscious and careful about my drinking.
It actually went OK for a while.... a few weeks, maybe even a couple months....
But that gradually turned into a year and a half long bender where I blacked out several nights a week and was day-drinking frequently to offset hangovers.... it got worse than ever.
I can only tell you my own story mirrors the stories of many others. Several of whom are dead now.
And it all started for us just exactly with where you are right now.
My advice? Life in sobriety is worth so much more. Is a drink worth dying for?
Not for me.
It actually went OK for a while.... a few weeks, maybe even a couple months....
But that gradually turned into a year and a half long bender where I blacked out several nights a week and was day-drinking frequently to offset hangovers.... it got worse than ever.
I can only tell you my own story mirrors the stories of many others. Several of whom are dead now.
And it all started for us just exactly with where you are right now.
My advice? Life in sobriety is worth so much more. Is a drink worth dying for?
Not for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi Tissin and welcome!
I have been there. The anger, the shame, the total insanity of it can be overwhelming to say the least. Did this glass of wine lead to a binge?
I think if you're questioning it at all, it means you have a problem and should never drink again. It wasn't part of your life for a year - today can be the start of another sober year (and many more)!
Someone who isn't an alcoholic wouldn't be agonizing over a glass of wine like you are. Most of my friends can go out and have some wine or a beer and not think twice about it. I have one of anything and it's the only thing I think about. How can I get more more more... That's no way to live. For this reason I just don't let it be part of my life. sometimes it's really hard; some days I feel like a freak or something. But reading all the info on here is so helpful. You'll see that you are anything but alone in this!!
I have been there. The anger, the shame, the total insanity of it can be overwhelming to say the least. Did this glass of wine lead to a binge?
I think if you're questioning it at all, it means you have a problem and should never drink again. It wasn't part of your life for a year - today can be the start of another sober year (and many more)!
Someone who isn't an alcoholic wouldn't be agonizing over a glass of wine like you are. Most of my friends can go out and have some wine or a beer and not think twice about it. I have one of anything and it's the only thing I think about. How can I get more more more... That's no way to live. For this reason I just don't let it be part of my life. sometimes it's really hard; some days I feel like a freak or something. But reading all the info on here is so helpful. You'll see that you are anything but alone in this!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
And FreeOwl is totally right - it starts with one, thinking that we are strong enough to be in control. Well my own will power got me into so many horrible, dangerous, unbelievably risky situations, and I live with that regret.
Focus on the future now!
Focus on the future now!
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