vulturine

Can someone please help me out with the structure for an apology letter to a police officer I punched in the face? I haven't learned anything from any of this but I've cooled down enough not to be consumed by murderous rage as long as my boyfriend doesn't try to contact me.

Anyway, my lawyer says I might be able to get my jail time down to 0 days if I write a letter to this officer. So I was thinking about something like,

Date that is earlier than my court date

To constable whatever,

I am writing to tell you that I'm sorry I punched you in the face. At the time I felt betrayed, hurt and afraid and unable to remove myself from the situation I had created for myself, so I reacted out of desperation. I am really sorry that you had to deal with what I hope is the last portion of the downward spiral I've been on over the past few years. Anonymous police force has always treated me with the utmost respect and compassion despite my constant mental health problems. I've always looked fondly on the police as people who basically hold society together. Police officers obviously possess a great deal of personal strength having to wake up every day with uncertainty and facing that with professionalism and grace.

Best wishes,
This person

Keh, it needs to convey that I'm taking responsibility and not here like, "whoooot! Fug da poleese! Tearin' up A-Block with all my bad bitches!" Haven't had to write one of these things since I stabbed some jerk kid in the neck with a pen in grade 7.

HTown

can you add something along the lines of what you are doing going forward to prevent it happening again with another officer?

Mizzuno

I would add in the awareness of anger/ violent tendencies as, from what I am reading, a coping mechanism that may not serve a purpose to you or others. Are you getting any professional help for these tendencies or for the mental health issues that you mentioned?

Marissa41

I agree with HTown. Are you seeking professional counseling at the moment? That would be helpful. I hate to ask this question but were you intoxicated or just angry?
But I do think the letter is good. Good Luck!

FreeOwl

Maybe try writing the letter over and over again until you actually mean it.

vulturine

I honestly don't know why I punched the arresting officer. With my boyfriend, it was because I was trying to get his attention by playing porn at full volume on my surround sound subwoofers which turned into a full blown rage attack when he ripped my computer out of the wall.

I think I was just sad because the cops told me if they had to show up to deal with me one more time, they were going to press charges, so I was just like, f-it, f-everyone. I was genuinely trying to get my life back on track and now I'm worse than I was before I moved back home with my boyfriend. So I just need to stay away from him and people in general probably.

vulturine

I think if I was good with words, mayhaps I wouldn't be getting into dumb fights all the time. It's true!

ScottFromWI

Gotta be honest Vulturine, I kind of doubt a letter is going to fix things. If you are going to write one though, certainly any concrete actions you are taking - or plan to take - to seek solutions to your problems would be important to include. Just because you don't know why you did this doesn't release you from your responsibility for doing it. If anyone is going to give you some leeway it's going to be based on your actions in taking responsibility for yourself, not based on words you write in an apology letter.

You've got a tendency to come here out of the blue with outrageous things you've done, crimes you've committed and tell us about them after they have happened. And most times it doesn't really seem like you are here to seek help - but perhaps validation of your actions because of your condition. If you ever want things to get better you are going to need to seek and accept help.

CreativeThinker

I agree with Scott. Nothing will change until change happens.

I'm sorry you're in this situation Vulterine. Perhaps it's time to begin dealing with the issues in your life that continue to create these negative consequences.

vulturine

That's probably true. It's like me and my "suicide attempts". Slit my neck a couple days ago and ended up having to get stitches for no reason even though I have court tomorrow. So now I have to sit there, like yeah, I'm trying to make changes in my life but meanwhile I'm getting arrested for slitting my throat and breaching bail.

vulturine

I wasn't technically breaching because I'm allowed to leave the house for medical emergencies.

Ananda

You know .. I would send the first draft you posted as is. It may not be perfect. It may not get you "out of" something. But I think it may be a much more honest letter than you think.

You aren't going over the top or sounding like you are trying to manipulate them. If you add more I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up looking like every letter everyone else in your position wrote to try and get out of jail free.

That is just my opinion, and we all have one Look in your own self and see what seems the true way to go with this.

I hope you can deal with the problems in your life and stay sober.

ScottFromWI

That's pretty much it in a nutshell Vulturine. You can just sit there and do nothing, or you can do something about it. Talk is cheap as they say, right?

You are quite obviously a very intelligent person, that comes through in your writing. You just have problems, albeit some pretty serious ones, but problems can be solved. We all have problems of varying degrees, myself included.

The difference between where you are now and where others are in their recovery is that you really don't seem to have made an earnest effort to try and get better. At least based on what you share here. Your statement above about "just sitting there and pretending like you are doing something" is the vibe you send out. I don't know if that's what you are really doing in life, but if so it's not surprising that you end up in the situations you end up in. So even though things look grim you have options - why not take some of them and see what you can change today?

vulturine

I'm a little sad about the cop thing. I mean, it probably hurt but he isn't traumatized for life as far as I know and I'm not sure what he'll say about it, so don't want to be too dramatic. Those guys were really nice to me when they were dealing with my self injury 911 calls,

Anna

So, I am going to be completely honest, Vulturine.

I think you are using your mental illness as an excuse for assaulting your boyfriend and for assaulting the police office. Mental illness is not an excuse. It just simply isn't. What are you actually doing on a day to day basis to deal with rage and mental health issues you have? Are you seeing a therapist on a regular basis? It also seems like group therapy would be a benefit to you so you could get more feedback. Do you take medication? Have you told your dr how difficult your life is?

Ananda

You know ... I was trying to back read a little ... and have you considered looking for a therapist like the one you mentioned in previous posts as being good?

Honestly, the cop thing will resolve one way or another, and you need to deal with it as best you can, but looking toward how to stop the spiral of the other issues you describe will be the long term fix.

Staying sober is a step that allows us to take the next step.

Hang in there girl!

AnvilheadII

perhaps you need a much stronger level of mental health support than you are currently getting? you sound very much a danger to yourself and others. the only true change that can happen is if you accept help and quit acting like this is all fun and games.

vulturine

I'm just saying my problem isn't solvable, he needs to leave me alone. While we were separated, I was fine and I think he saw that I was doing well and came back to take everything away again cuz I'm stupid and he's charming and I fell for him. I never loved him as much as I loved myself and at this point I hate myself again, so I hate him and I want him to suffer....so yeah, he needs to leave me alone.

vulturine

He basically saw that I was sober and getting my life back on track and came back to take my power away again. Weak.

Bunny211

I would change the first part. I would not rationalize why you did it (how you were feeling etc.). I'd just keep it simple and apologize for punching him, and that you had no right to lay your hands on another person.