Where you'll wind up...
 

Lying on a grungy mattress, on a vomit-sticky floor, surrounded by empty cans, messy buckets of filthy water from attempts to clean up. Piles of dirty clothes, empty pill bottles, tipped-over vessels of disgustingness.

People trying to convince you.... "it's time to get help".

Sending them away in a fury. Swearing at them through spit and sweat and the foul odor of your own body dying.

Struggling to the store to steal vodka.... just to keep the DT's at bay a few more hours.

Fingernails and toenails overgrown and gnarled. Stench of your weeks-old clothing. Back thrown out from vomiting so violently. Refusing to go to the ER because you know they won't give you alcohol. Refusing to call the crisis worker because you don't WANT to go to treatment. Trying to keep people from knowing. Hiding out. Isolating. Yelling at the few people who know.... "F*** OFF!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! GIVE ME ALCOHOL!!!".

When only 10 days ago you'd gotten a promotion and things were looking up..... after a suicide attempt 2 months ago (you're not even sure what number suicide attempt this was, at this point).... having gotten a little leg up and help from those who cared.... seeming to start to have it together... going to a few meetings even. Then moving into your own apartment and that day disappearing for almost a week.... landing in the ER.... and now this. Now shaking and trembling and on the edge of death (again) as people who care watch you helplessly as you choose to keep killing yourself.


This is what's happening for a friend of mine. Right now.


This is where it leads.

If you look at your own relationship with alcohol and drugs and a voice goads you on "you're not THAT bad.... c'mon.... you don't have a problem.... you're not as bad as THAT"

Please remember where listening to that voice will lead you.

It gets THAT BAD.

And then you die.

Thank you FreeOwl for this great post!

Indeed. It's a terrible death too.
I'm so blessed and thankful to be sober today.

Some version of that story would certainly have been my tale if I hadn't stopped. Grateful to the moon and back that I am not going to go that way.

Thanks for sharing. Prayers for your friend.

So sorry for your friend. I hope it's not too late.

PS.... this kid is only 30.

This isn't something that just happens someday in your distant future.

A year ago he was employed and making good money and seemed to have it all going for him after bouncing back from a homeless and dire situation much like this....

Within months it was all shot.

We are ALL closer to this fate than you can possibly imagine.

It could be one drink away....

Please, don't drink today.

You literally just caused me to do my laundry.

This is truly sad and I'm very sorry to hear about your friend.

:( so sad....and people think drinking is glamourous.

I hope he decides to go to treatment.

Yes - I am only one drink away from your friend's situation. Grateful I stopped, but ever vigilant to not go there again. Thank you for your post. I needed to read this today.

I am sorry this happened to your friend. It is really tragic. May we all know and learn that our lives can be something beautiful.

Yes, I know- I did. That is how effed I was. Good post.

That poor guy, I pray he finds his way before the choice to quit is taken away from him (death). Your description in the OP sounds like hell on earth. Hang in there FO, I know this is eating at you.

Yes, only by the grace of God do I get a reprieve today. As I sit in the rooms I often contemplate and sometimes ask aloud - For each of us sober and here today, how many never get the gift or give it back> thousands - 10's of thousands, likely.....

Prayers

He went to the ER last night after the cops were called. They already discharged him, sent him packing with Librium. He's shaking and sweating and not far from another round of the hardcore DTs.... temporary measure. Last night was in a blind rage.

Looking at the possibility of petitioning him to hospitalization - but he may be smart enough to beat that anyway....

Tried talking him into getting into a 28-day program... he says what good will it do, then he'd just come out homeless and get drunk again. He claims that he was evaluated and not offered any services or help. His caseworkers won't divulge anything to me because of privacy laws. Can't tell what the real story is on any front and left feeling helpless....

just sucks. Kid's gonna ride this cycle right into the ground and it seems like he's not honest or lucid enough to leverage the resources that could help him - nobody can help him get help because of privacy laws, last remaining option may be to initiate involuntary treatment but he could probably talk his way out of that.

Trust me folks.... you don't want to ride the cycle until it gets to this point.....

It's heartbreaking. Tragic.