julietUK

I've messed up again. Only this time I feel its harder than ever to put things right. I know whatever happens alcohol does not help but I.ve turned to it all my life, on and off.
I don't really know what to say, I just feel so alone and need some contact and support. I have friends and family but I can't tell them how bad things are and the drastic changes I have to make. It all seems too much.

Midwest1981

it does seem like to much when you look to far into the future. Be present and focus on today.

You can't change what happened yesterday.

FreeOwl

I know the feeling.

What helped for me was making a choice, out loud, to CHOOSE SOBRIETY.

Then immediately and consistently taking ACTION to support that choice.

Getting out the door to an AA meeting, picking up a copy of the Big Book, reading it, logging on here daily, going to the gym, getting out in nature for walks and runs, and doing it all over again....

These are the ways I got active, and got started..... CHOICE. ACTION.

It feels hopeless and daunting right now.... but it's not. Don't focus on the big picture and the forever and the scary and the what if.....

Just focus on that choice. Right now. Today. From where you are.

Choose.

Act.

Repeat.


You can do it.

Coldfusion

Keep reading and posting here! Have you looked into local recovery meetings?

mejorando

I´ve followed the AA path, too, and it did wonders for me. If you´re ready for sobriety, there are other paths as well; you´ve found a great support system in Sober Recovery! I first reached out 4 years ago when I was in the same EXACT position that you are in and I wish you the very best.

What midwest said is true-focus on today. And repeat that.

Take care!

julietUK

Thank you. I know you are right. I have done it before and I love being sober but I never stuck with AA, just used them in the beginning til I got used to being sober. I know what's why I relapse. But I've got myself into such a mess and I sometimes feel I don't have the strength to pull myself out, again!

LayEDla

I don't have much advice as it's early days for me but I so understand what you're going through. Sending you hugs!! You're going to be okay. Choose sobriety and see how much better things get

PhoenixJ

You HAVE family, you HAVE friends. YOU HAVE AWARENESS!!! Turn this into proactivity. Get up, dust yourself off- take a deep breath and continue up the path. We are there to help you- as you are to help me. You posted- you care. Do this- firstly for you. No shame- just the past. You have now- and now turns into tomorrow-into next week... Keep posting. Compassion, empathy, support and really good stuff offered. PJ

Fly N Buy

When I engaged in the fellowship you mentioned after the realization I couldn't do this alone that is when I found a solution. Ironically the answers ultimately come from deep within us. It is tappping into that, understanding the WHO - willingness - honesty - open mindedness where change occurred.

I went to the rooms in stints over decades. Finally I truly became willing.

10r

I'm glad you want to choose the correct path.

I can especially relate to the family and friends thing and not wanting to tell them how bad it was. Honestly, that made me feel trapped.
I was surprised when I finally did tell them how much they just simply wanted to help me. I know they are not easy words to say.
That made all the difference for myself.
No more hiding it, the guilt will be gone and more support for your recovery.

Just my experience. Working on 21 days sober.

You can do this

julietUK

My family doesn't know I am drinking again, and my friends think I will sort it out again as I have in the past. But I have to leave my marriage. I know this. I know I cannot keep sober and keep married. I feel so stupid as I knew this when I married him, but I kept hoping it would be okay. I was sober for this first year but I couldn't handle it in this environment. So I drunk again. I have stopped several times since then but it never lasts - in the past I have lasted over 3 years sober. Because it is so ingrained into my environment I never last more than a few days. Usually until I return home! That's why I feel its more of a mess than ever before. I have no one to blame but myself, I knew the facts.

julietUK

Thank you all for your responses. I don't feel so alone. I am trying to focus just on today but the fear of the future is daunting.

Anna

Juliet, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm glad you see clearly that it will be too hard to remain sober in your marriage, though it must be terribly sad. I was overwhelmed in the early days of recovery, feeling that I could barely breathe. It helped me to make a list of things to do for each day, and to cross off a couple of things. It made me feel like I was moving forward, ever so slowly.

Verdantia

Hi Juliet and welcome to SR. This is a wonderful place full of support, advice and wisdom. You have had over three years in the past so you know you can do this. Study everything you can about the monster of alcohol and find something that works for you. I love riding my bicycle , practicing my bass and guitar and doing yoga and those things help me to relax and focus. Be kind to yourself, although I know how hard that can be. Remember that the past is gone and cannot be changed, so focus and the present and the things you can. Make sobriety the most important thing in your life, because it has to be. I know that if I drink again, death awaits-and life is full of beauty, love, hope and forgiveness. I wish you all the best.

julietUK

Thank you for the support today. I feel better than I did only a few hours ago. I know I can do this but I think I will be camping out on this site for the next few days.

joandmelandhan

Juliet I sense some determination in there somewhere. Yes it is scary but far from hopeless. I too did a good job hiding my drinking from my family (parents live a good 150 miles away) so I had to dig deep and do it for me and for my kids. SR has been my lifeline. I check into the 24 hour forum a few times each day and read a lot. Still do each and every day (I'm on day 25). You're not alone Juliet. Please post as much as you need to. Jo ❤❤❤
PS I live in Yorkshire too!

10r

Juliet
I too thought I'd have to leave my marriage. Well, rather my wife would leave me. I was pretty certain of that which is the reason I was scared to to tell her. I do love her very much.

When she found out, that was the night I went to the emergency for help. Not knowing if she'd be there when I got back.
To my surprise she took days off work to nurse me through the detox process.

I wish you the best

Ananda

They say we can sober regardless of anyone, and I do believe that is true...

But it sure is easier if we toss out the relationships that tend to make sobriety, and/or life in general, more difficult.

Sometimes tackling the biggest problem in the room with a simple (not easy) solution can help to inspire me and provide a needed relief as I enter new terrain (be it sobriety or something else).

It sounds like you have a pretty clear understanding of what you need to do. Keep posting and never give up never surrender ... always come back.

Dee74

I think if you've decided to leave your husband, you need to let your family know Juliet - about everything.

It may be the best thing?

I hope you'll continue to use the support here Juliet - it's 24/7

Delilah1

Hi Juliet,

Just want to send lots of love your way. You are smart to stay focused on the present, mindfulness has been a big part of my recovery.

I'm not sure of the details of your marriage, but you don't need to make any major decisions right now, just focus on staying sober, and remaining in the present.

You should join the May 2017 class, and also check in with us on the 24 hour thread each day.

❤Delilah