ZenButterfly

I am just venting here but I realize that self-pity has driven me to drink a lot in the past. I'm single and 48 yrs. old with no kids. I would like to find a partner but that is looking less likely the older I get.

My last boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues after 3 1/2 years. He wanted someone more confident and courageous, and who wasn't so fearful. He said I would be holding him back fom doing things he wanted to do in his life. I felt like **** about myself for a long time after that and did nothing but drink and feel sorry for myself. I had myself convinced that I was unlovable, a failure and a P.O.S. I don't want to be anxious anymore but I've tried through therapy and medication and I think this is just the way I am.

I am getting help from AA and my therapist to recognize these types of triggers. I don't know if the feelings of loneliness will ever go away but I do know that in Step 5 of the 12 & 12 states "almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness."

I guess I feel hopeful that I can overcome these feelings but it sure seems difficult right now. I know I need to stay sober to be able to turn things around.

Even if nobody else loves me, I need to be able to love myself and I'm not sure I know how to do that either... 14 days sober, I guess that's the good news.

PhoenixJ

Yes ZB that IS good news. Keep up with the meetings- for people connection. Focus on recovery now. Self esteem follows. Empathy and support to you.

Dee74

You ex sounds like a real charmer....

I know you've read littlesongbirds thread so I'll just say - one thing I've learned in recovery is its ok to be me.

that doesn't mean I can't improve myself, but the basic package is me - and no ones better at being me, anywhere.

Find people who appreciate you for being you, ZB

D

january161992

Hi Zen

great job on demonstrating willingness to go to AA and also read the 12X12

i met my wife when i was a year sober and we have now been happily married for 22 years

also grats on 14 days

ZenButterfly

Thanks, I am trying, I guess I don't feel too good about myself since that relationship ended but I'm working on it in therapy.

ZenButterfly

that is nice about you and your wife, I hope I meet someone but I should focus on my sobriety first and fixing my life I guess. Otherwise who will want me anyway.

Anna

Congratulations on 14 days of sobriety. I know for sure, that drinking will only make you feel worse about yourself, and more lonely and isolated. I've been there. And, I agree that it's hard to begin to like/love yourself. Like Dee, I have accepted myself as I am and that's a very good thing. I know you will be able to do that, too.

least

Learning to love yourself is hard, no doubt. Treat yourself as you would treat a trusted beloved friend.

neferkamichael

ZenButterfly, 14 days sober is just FANTASTIC, congratulations. Loneliness is a very powerful feeling and your AV(Addictive Voice) will use it against you to make you drink. Do your best to get over the things your ex said, rootin for ya.

ZenButterfly

Thanks, I don't want to use the loneliness as a reason to drink. That's all I did for about 10 months and it didn't help anything. I need to address my life being sober and make some positive changes, that's the only way i see out of this mess.

AnvilheadII

ZB - in your step work, have you written the story of your life? and i don't mean just the BAD stuff, but also the unique or weird or the "next thing you know i'm in an elevator and Neil Young walks in!!" parts. we ALL have a story, an interesting story that NO ONE else has ever lived or experienced. there are places and things that WE have seen, that no one else has....not from our perspective.

if we don't know our own story, where we have been and where we are now, we can't really carve out a plan for our future. gotta make sure you got the right map first.

ZenButterfly

No I'm still just on Step 2...nobody has asked me to write a life story yet.

AnvilheadII

well...i just did!! you can write your story any time. you won't be breaking any rules. your story deserves to be written.

Delilah1

14 days is great, you should feel good about that. I also think you are smart to focus on you first. Love sometimes happens when we least expect it. Once you start getting a little more sober time under you look into joining groups you are interested in.

zjw

loneliness can be a funny thing. I have a wife and 6 kids and can feel very much alone at times maybe its a perspective thing.

I like your part about loving yourself. thats a pretty important thing with getting sober. I think we've spent so many years beating ourselvs up and sabotoging ourselves that we sometimes dunno how to love ourselves or in my case wonder if its ok to love myself. IE in my case I guess since i was raised and told whole terrible iw as i felt pretty unlovable still do to be honest. But that can also make it hard to love oneself.

2ndhandrose

14 days sober is Good News, indeed, ZB!!!!

For my recovery, figuring out how and why to love myself has been paramount. I am a work in progress, but I, at least, have figured out that I am worthy of my own love.