KittenMittens

I screwed up again. I went back out last weekend and I'm starting over again today.

I have a drug test for sure on Monday afternoon for my new job. I'm off for the next few days, so got withdrawal supplies (bread, peanut butter, Gatorade, Advil, Imodium, melatonin, and a potassium/magnesium supplement) and I'm hunkering down for a rough couple days. I didn't use very much so hopefully it won't be too bad. But if I want to work, I have to pass this drug test, so I've got to get my sh** together. Not just for the drug test, but because this could potentially pan out to be a decent job, and I want to be sober and able to do my best at work.

I met with my sponsor and told her what's up. I meet with her again on Monday morning. She's on call in case I feel like I need extra help (hospitalization, etc), but the small amount I used shouldn't pose much of a problem other than moderate discomfort. Although I'm a huge baby and moderate discomfort is enough to make me cry. But I should be alright.

I'll probably be posting here frequently as I'll be alone in my apartment. Aside from my sponsor, my neighbors are a couple from AA who I'm friends with and I told them as well, so they'll be in to check on me also.

Fingers crossed this is the last time I have to make a post like this...

CreativeThinker

Good luck KM. I hope you're not in too much discomfort and you get the job.

KittenMittens

Thank you 😊. I've got the job pending the background check (which will be fine) and the drug test. So my tentative start date is not this Monday, but the following Monday. As long as I don't do anything totally dumb between now and Monday I'll pass the drug test. I'm just ready to get back to working full time and being a sober, productive member of society.

CreativeThinker

That's great! You got this!

MissPerfumado

Sending you strength. Keep close, KM.

Anna

Keep focused on your recovery and your new job. This sounds like it will be a good opportunity for you.

PhoenixJ

support to you

KittenMittens

Thank you everyone

PhoenixJ

(;-)>

thomas11

^^^^^This sounds great. In my opinion, if you have the urge to get high, I'd lock myself in my room. You have a lot at stake coming up and its not damn worth it.

KittenMittens

You are very right. It's absolutely not worth it. I've blocked all my connects from my phone (again...&#128530. My neighbors who are AA friends know what's up, and I talked to them earlier. They actually have the keys to my car right now. I have everything I need here and I don't have to work, so there's no need for me to go anywhere.

I have some good recovery-based books, and plenty of movies. I'm just going to power through the next several days as uncomfortable as it might be. I've done it before, and I can do it again. Heroin isn't worth my life.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back KittenMittens

D

Delilah1

Good luck with your new job. If you're struggling this weekend, you can always head to the ER.

KittenMittens

Thanks for the well wishes .

And, yes, I live a block from the local hospital so if I feel like anything is off, I'll get someone to take me.

Since I have several days off in a row I had actually considered going to the ER and telling them I was detoxing and scared for my mental health (that's the only way they'll actually admit you at this backwards hospital for substance abuse problems) just so I would be locked away from all temptation. But I'm not sure I want to take on another huge hospital bill. They don't have a dedicated ward for substance abuse, and their psych ward is constantly packed. A friend of mine recently went there for detox and just got stuck in an ER bed for 4 days with nothing but Tylenol. So I think I'll only go there if I really feel like I need it. At this point everything seems to be going ok. Although I can't sleep to save my life...

KittenMittens

I just got about an hour's worth of sleep. Score .

Not feeling too hot, but nothing that I haven't dealt with before.

Just sat on the porch and read some meditation books and prayed. Time to take on Day 2.

FreeOwl

Beyond passing the drug test... what's your plan for staying clean and sober? What changes?

KittenMittens

I'm doing 90 meetings in 90 days.

I have a "daily schedule" made for myself even though I'm detoxing and I'll just be at home. But it consists of getting up at the same time, washing my face, brushing my teeth, having coffee on the porch while praying and meditating...etc. Just very basic stuff to get me through the next few days.

I'm committed to using my AA connections to help me and calling someone when I want to use.

There's more but I'm extremely sleep deprived and I can't think lol.

PhoenixJ

You are doing well. Keep posting

KittenMittens

I managed to sleep like the dead today. Of course that means I won't be able to sleep tonight. But I'll take whatever sleep I can get. I feel terrible and can't do much more than lie around. But I called my sponsor and went to visit my downstairs neighbors who are in AA. Going to take some valerian and melatonin and attempt sleep...or at least lying down to rest.

PhoenixJ

I take sleep when it is offered. Often do not even try until 0300 most nights/mornings. Do the mindful crap- but it just evades me...So sleep when your body tells you to- basics HALTS stuff.