Sunshine137

I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. It was a long distance relationship for the first year, I knew he liked going out partying and drinking. But I didn't know how bad it was. The first night we moved in he blacked out, wandered off into the neighborhood and started saying irrational things to me such as I don't love him. Fast forward one year later, he still drinks. He doesn't drink everyday. But when he does, he doesn't know his limit. I've been called the worst of the worst when he's drinking. He claims he doesn't have a problem. We can't go out to a bar with friends without him getting drunk. We can't go to family events without him wanting to drink. And once he starts drinking, he can't stop. Am I overreacting? Or does he have a drinking problem? I'm at the point where I want to pack my things and leave.

PhoenixJ

Safety first for you. That sounds scary, get some f-f counselling advice. Lots of info here= lots of narratives in different threads. Addiction sucks. If you feel unsafe- can you stay somewhere else?? Support to you

Dee74

Hi Sunshine - welcome

I moved your thread here to the Newcomers Forum so you'd get more response.

I don;t think you're overreacting at all - in fact it kinda sounds like it might be a dangerous situation for you. Lashing out is lashing out whether it's physical or verbal.

Do you feel scared by his behaviour?

D

MissPerfumado

It really doesn't sound good, Sunshine. It does not sound to me like you are overreacting. From what you say, he does have a drinking problem, which in itself is a huge red flag. Then you say you're being verbally abused when he drinks. I think that's crossing a line. I would not stay if I were you.

D122y

Sunshine,

Imo....When dealing with someone that routinely gets blackout drunk...you are dealing w an insane person.

Their brain is inflamed w alcoholic poisons. It causes them obsessivness, anxiety, depression, poor decisions, angry outbursts etc.,

Your boyfriend probably has no idea about this. I didn't until I did the research after I was 80 days clean and was wondering why I was freaking out.

If you want to try and help him, tell him about SR. This place saved my life.

If he won't change, you better run away. Addiction is progressive.

I made it out of my physical addiction, but am still learning how to live normally. I am over 2 years sober.

Thanks.

FreeOwl

Leave.

Free yourself from a situation that will only worsen.

Maybe he will get help. Maybe he won't.

But in the meantime, you don't deserve to be abused.

Maudcat

Pack your things and leave. Your SO has a problem with drink, and he is lashing out at you.
Good luck.

FreedomCA

He obviously is an alcoholic. You should go to Al-Anon. The members will give you great feedback on what to do. And don't be afraid to call 911 if you feel threatened by your boyfriend. I have called 911 a few times on my addicted husband, and he has been arrested a few times. Luckily for me, he seems to have shaped up because he knows I am not afraid to call the police anymore.

Reformation

As a man with a drinking issue and i also behaved like a complate A-Hole, 100% this man has problems with alcohol and he is not going to get sober just because you tell him to. It doesnt sound like he's hit you (or has he?) and i was the same, but i was one hell of a sonofabitch to be around and could be verbally very aggressive. You need to move out, thats step 1. Then step 2 is for him to get his crap together by coming on here or working through it in his own way.

But for SURE he's got big problems with alcohol and you're the closest thing to lash out to. So now that you know for certain he's got issues... If you dont move out as soon as possible, then theres going to be trouble. Issues like these dont get better without prolonged abstinence, they get worse. So the situation you're in now is going to get worse. Theres death and taxes and this situation getting worse, those are your certaintainties at this point!

doggonecarl

It doesn't matter if he doesn't think he has a problem with his drinking, YOU DO!

Don't waste another second hoping he'll quit, listening to his rationales or denials about his drinking problem. None of this, "well he's so wonderful when he's not drinking."

You've given it two years. This is what you have in the relationship, an abusive alcoholic. And alcoholism is progressive, meaning it gets worse, not better, with continued drinking. And it looks like he has no intention to quit. Time to throw in your cards.

Good luck.

least

I'd run away as fast as I could. Don't let him drag you down to his level. You deserve better.

CreativeThinker

tomsteve

"And once he starts drinking, he can't stop. Am I overreacting? Or does he have a drinking problem? I'm at the point where I want to pack my things and leave. "

people that don't have a drinking problem can stop drinking whenever they want. they can have a couple and walk away with no ill effect.
I think iffen ya reread your post, you may see just how deep the drinking "problem" is.
I think you should follow what your heart is telling you:
"I want to pack my things and leave."

Ruhroh

I am the wife who drank too much and lashed out every now and then. My husband could have written your post, and yes, I have a drinking problem. My husband has not left, and after reading this thread I don't think I've really ever acknowledged the seriousness of my actions. I've always just apologized and written it off as drunk behaviour. Thanks for the perspective.

tomsteve

welcome and glad ya found some perspective. I hope you want to stop drinking, and if you do theres great support here

Ariesagain

You're not married, you don't have children together, and you've only been together a year (in person)...run.

If you read some of the other threads here, you can see what kind of mess you'll be dealing with in the future if you don't, yes?

Wishing you clarity and strength.

Outonthetiles

Leave him.
When the ex drunks are all in agreement that you have to get out, you REALLY have to get out!

honeypig

Hi, Sunshine--I think if you visited the Family and Friends section of the forum, you might find some help there, too. Do as much reading as you can, check out the stickies at the top of the page, and don't be shy about posting, both in starting your own thread(s) and responding to others.

Hope to see you over in F&F. Here's the link: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

MLD51

Anyone who doesn't know their limits, can't go out without getting drunk, blacks out, and, most importantly, verbally abuses the person they claim to love, most definitely has a problem. You need to take care of yourself. Get out. It will only get worse, unless he admits he has a problem and stops. He's in denial, but you don't have to be. You're in danger every time he drinks.