A daughter's own words about her dead father
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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A daughter's own words about her dead father
Yesterday, my state and region lost a good man.
He was a State Representative who did much for our community and our region.
He was more of an acquaintance to me, but I considered him a friend as well. He was in the program and we'd sat side by side in home group.
On Monday, he was arrested for a second DUI in as many years. He was out on bond yesterday, and within hours had taken his own life.
His daughter shared these words on social media.....
"I wanted to post something earlier today about how I wouldn't wish the disease of alcoholism against my worst enemy, and I can't begin to imagine how much pain someone is in with it for them to continue to jeopardize the things they love most because their addiction begs to be fueled. My dads drunk driving arrest wasn't because he couldn't afford a taxi or Uber, it was because he was trying so hard to be a husband, father & state representative and juggle his disease somewhere he could hide from the people--unfortunately in a very unsafe place, his commute. Alcoholism strained my relationship with my father in the final months of his life, and that hurts too. Instead I will post about the worst day of my life, the day my father took his life because of his disease. I had an AMAZING childhood full of games and adventure, my parents gifted me my education and supported me into the life I have now--the most amazing, adventurous life I could ever imagine, a life not possible if I had not been raised by John Kivela. In one of the dozens and dozens of messages people have sent in the last few hours someone called him a "Champion for the UP" & I think that's the best thing I've ever heard. He battled his disease and continued to be an incredible advocate for our corner of Michigan. The time I spent campaigning with him for his first run for State Rep is still one of the proudest times of my life. Thank you for your support, I can't wait to just be HOME tonight with my family and three snuggly Saint Bernard's, I know my dad will be jealous when we're all cuddling in the "big bed" without him. These are some mementos I snagged from my apartment to take home with me-- because today I had to pack a black dress and photographs of my father and say "I'm going home for my dads funeral" out loud. I will end by saying, I'm not ashamed to talk about the last two years of my dads life that have been extremely difficult and will continue to speak out more as addiction is now closer to my heart than ever. Thank you for your kind words."
We never know how close we are to the end.....
Please. Stay sober.
He was a State Representative who did much for our community and our region.
He was more of an acquaintance to me, but I considered him a friend as well. He was in the program and we'd sat side by side in home group.
On Monday, he was arrested for a second DUI in as many years. He was out on bond yesterday, and within hours had taken his own life.
His daughter shared these words on social media.....
"I wanted to post something earlier today about how I wouldn't wish the disease of alcoholism against my worst enemy, and I can't begin to imagine how much pain someone is in with it for them to continue to jeopardize the things they love most because their addiction begs to be fueled. My dads drunk driving arrest wasn't because he couldn't afford a taxi or Uber, it was because he was trying so hard to be a husband, father & state representative and juggle his disease somewhere he could hide from the people--unfortunately in a very unsafe place, his commute. Alcoholism strained my relationship with my father in the final months of his life, and that hurts too. Instead I will post about the worst day of my life, the day my father took his life because of his disease. I had an AMAZING childhood full of games and adventure, my parents gifted me my education and supported me into the life I have now--the most amazing, adventurous life I could ever imagine, a life not possible if I had not been raised by John Kivela. In one of the dozens and dozens of messages people have sent in the last few hours someone called him a "Champion for the UP" & I think that's the best thing I've ever heard. He battled his disease and continued to be an incredible advocate for our corner of Michigan. The time I spent campaigning with him for his first run for State Rep is still one of the proudest times of my life. Thank you for your support, I can't wait to just be HOME tonight with my family and three snuggly Saint Bernard's, I know my dad will be jealous when we're all cuddling in the "big bed" without him. These are some mementos I snagged from my apartment to take home with me-- because today I had to pack a black dress and photographs of my father and say "I'm going home for my dads funeral" out loud. I will end by saying, I'm not ashamed to talk about the last two years of my dads life that have been extremely difficult and will continue to speak out more as addiction is now closer to my heart than ever. Thank you for your kind words."
We never know how close we are to the end.....
Please. Stay sober.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Holding my little baby girl last night.... watching my older daughters help with dinner and cleanup.... taking them to see an author speak and then talking and reading with them....
To imagine them having to endure me riding alcohol to my own death.... to imagine them having to write these words....
Well. It's unimaginable.
Gratefully sober.... and sobered by this awfulness.
To imagine them having to endure me riding alcohol to my own death.... to imagine them having to write these words....
Well. It's unimaginable.
Gratefully sober.... and sobered by this awfulness.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Thank you for that powerful post FreeOwl!
I'd like to whittle it down even further. He not only lost his life because of the disease, he lost his life because the fecking stigma that still surrounds addiction keeping him from getting the help he deserved.
Many times on this board I've seen people state they can't go to meetings and can't be outward about their addiction because of their role in society. It irritates me greatly. On the contrary, those seeking help should be congratulated, celebrated, and encouraged. They should be revered. This work isn't easy. The courage and strength it takes to seek help and do the work is probably one of the hardest and most positive things a person addicted to alcohol or drugs can do.
I'd like to whittle it down even further. He not only lost his life because of the disease, he lost his life because the fecking stigma that still surrounds addiction keeping him from getting the help he deserved.
Many times on this board I've seen people state they can't go to meetings and can't be outward about their addiction because of their role in society. It irritates me greatly. On the contrary, those seeking help should be congratulated, celebrated, and encouraged. They should be revered. This work isn't easy. The courage and strength it takes to seek help and do the work is probably one of the hardest and most positive things a person addicted to alcohol or drugs can do.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Definitely. As the news hit, social media was flooded with nasty, judgemental and downright cruel comments about him.
His status and his role in the public eye made him an easy target for the masses, hatefully and senselessly waiting for the next person to slaughter with their keyboards.
We all know the despair and the shame and the worthlessness of being in that awful place coming off a drunk having done something terrible.... imagine waking to not just the realization, but to thousands of people calling you a worthless idiot and making fun of you online.
The most terrible thing is how many of those people and how much our whole society is themselves in some form or stage of addiction. Sometimes it's the worst among them who are the quickest and harshest to judge. As though by attacking others, they absolve themselves.
'I'm not as bad as THEM!! THEY have a PROBLEM. IDIOT."
Its a societal sickness, too.
His status and his role in the public eye made him an easy target for the masses, hatefully and senselessly waiting for the next person to slaughter with their keyboards.
We all know the despair and the shame and the worthlessness of being in that awful place coming off a drunk having done something terrible.... imagine waking to not just the realization, but to thousands of people calling you a worthless idiot and making fun of you online.
The most terrible thing is how many of those people and how much our whole society is themselves in some form or stage of addiction. Sometimes it's the worst among them who are the quickest and harshest to judge. As though by attacking others, they absolve themselves.
'I'm not as bad as THEM!! THEY have a PROBLEM. IDIOT."
Its a societal sickness, too.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Heart wrenching on so many levels. A thin measure of grace is all that separates ourselves from those who don't make it. Each day is so very special and a gift that withers with the fall of night.
“Yesterday is but a dream,
Tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”
Keep coming back
“Yesterday is but a dream,
Tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”
Keep coming back
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