S13

Hi I’ve been trying so hard with giving up got to day 75 then stupidly drank only one day and I tried again only made 26 days then drank on my easter hols!! Tried again got to this weekend and completely blew it!!! Amount I drank was ridiculous I just lost control I’m disgusting I hate myself I’m completely ashamed. Have had to call in sick 2 days. I really need someone to help me I don’t want to be that vile person again!! If anyone gave offer any support and advice please

Mizzuno

I am sorry that you are in this place.

You can do this. You can dust yourself off and start new. Its one day at a time. All the sober time that you had before is not lost. A minor setback at the moment is all this needs to be.

Dee speaks of plans. For me, this means replacing the alcohol with a series of "rituals" that will keep me safe from drinking. When I get home, I eat dinner. I take a bath. I log onto this forum. I offer support. By this time at night, It is already bedtime. I repeat the next day. Structure has always been quite healthy for me.

What sort of plan do you think will help you?

Fly N Buy

I wasn't bad trying to be good, but sick trying to get well. When I finally sought help change became possible. Will power alone simply didn't work for me.

Life's funny - many things seem like a struggle but once we take a step or two we wonder things were so difficult.

Treerat66

Hi S13,
I found I had to avoid my triggers for awhile.
Welcome to SR.

PhoenixJ

A plan is a good idea

CreativeThinker

Sorry that you're struggling. I've relapsed many times myself and each time it gets harder and harder to find my way back. You are here posting, asking for help...that's what is important.

As others have said, rituals, plans, structure is what keeps me from picking up. Sobriety is more important to me than anything else. Recognizing my AV and using the tools that I have to move past triggers and urges keeps me on track.

You can do this. Make sobriety your #1 priority. Protect it, nurture it and you will never have to hate yourself again.

Anna

I'm sorry you're struggling.

I think it's important to remember that stopping drinking is just the beginning. I had to make a lot of changes in my life to support my recovery. Have you added things to your life that you enjoy? I'm glad you're here and trying.

S13

Thank you all for your kind replies, I don't know why I do it, I seem to relapse when I feel really good and happy too, which makes it even more stupid!! I feel a little better and the hangover dying down. So will get back to work tomorrow and try to move forward. I do need a plan for the weak moments just don't know what yet?

Dee74

Yeah I'm a big one for plans - if nothing else it's a commitment to thinking about recovery daily - reovery as a lifestyle, not just when we get ambushed by trouble,.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

S13

Thanks D, I will have a good read of those when I get back from work later, forcing myself to go as have horrors they will know what's been wrong with me, but know my anxiety will be better once I've got it over with as it will be OK. Yes I get what u mean about having a plan as that's when my relates have happened when I've thought everything was ok but had nothing to do than convince myself a glass of wine was a 'nice' way to spend the night, several bottles and obliteration later, what world is that ever nice!!? I've been battling this myself for so long, so feels a relief to have got courage to post here, and found ppl who understand. I've been doing well this year too well better than I have b4, that's what's got me so down about this last relapse, gutted about it really gutted!!! Im so determined Never to do this again

S13

Hi Thanks again for your help, Ive found the recovery plan info very helpful and am taking on board the need to not give myself the opportunity to get complacent. I'm back at work and no desire to drink at all, still cant believe I did what I did, argh !!! I was just after some advice, I still feel groggy and not 100% and have a pain on my right side a dull ache, Im very thirsty, feel bloated and have a yellow coating on my tongue. I'm really worried I have now really damaged my liver ?? do you think I have, I've been googling but don't now if that making anxiety worse ?? Cant believe I've done well then this stupid weekend could of cost me my health, don't know what to do?? Just want to be healthy and happy again

FreedomCA

When you feel happy and want to drink, be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can stop at two drinks. If the answer is yes, ask yourself if you can continually stop. You will find that you know the answer is no, and that you will suffer severe consequences, as well as have to cope with the lingering obsession about when you can drink next. Play the tape forward. Sit and feel and tolerate the pain and frustration of choosing not to drink until it passes. You can do this!

S13

Yes I no I cant stop at 2 I just cant moderate, and my life is a million times better without alcohol. I don't want to drink at all I'm just worried now I caused myself severe health issues with this last binge, is that just the obsession and anxiety of it all??

Dee74

I think post binge regret and health panic are pretty normal reaction S13.
If you're really worried why not go see your Dr?

Have you thought any more on what a recovery plan might look like for you?

D

S13

Thanks dee, feeling slowly but gradually better so hopefully was just reaction. Defo don't want this anymore.
Yes ive wrote myself a list to remind myself of how I feel now if im ever tempted and that I can never let my child down again, he only has me I cant. Going to make plans every weekend, cinema, movie night, picnic tea walking in park, look into events that we can attend to keep busy. I only have one night a week without him so that will be my shopping and pamper night.
After reading a lot on here I've realised my triggers are feeling good, I know now to look out for that also I read about the signs of relapse things like obsessing over something and I see I do that, I will get obsessed about needing the right clothes, make up and start spending a lot. also another trigger is when I feel better I want and think i'm ready for a relationship (been single mam for 4 years and was ex relationship which triggered a lot of the binge drinking), got to block any thought of relationships out for now as that's a definite trigger.

I weeks and weekends Ive not drank have been the best ive enjoyed so much and felt so good about myself, its such a stupid thing that its the feeling better that triggers that first drink!! I'm going to cling on to that good feeling for good now, as this week has been the worst, never again

FreeOwl

Let's say you were gearing up for a journey, and along that journey there would be great peril. You would have to be prepared for fights, dangerous weather, rough terrain, mystical forces conspiring against you and all sorts of menace unknown.

But along that journey you would also find the greatest treasure you could ever know. The journey would bring to you freedom, joy, abundance, love and reward the like of which you can't even imagine.

Would you choose to go?

Would you just fling yourself headlong into it with no plan, no armament, no allies, no map or supplies or rations?

Or would you take up provisions, assemble a team, talk to others who'd gone, make yourself fully ready even as you took the first step of the journey?

That is recovery.

I'm glad you have asked for help.

There are maps, provisions, allies, guides and teammates to be found. Find them here. In AA meetings. In SMART recovery, read the Big Book... it's free and takes only your own investment of time and attention. There are counselors, therapists, other people in sobriety, sponsors.

Arm yourself. Take up all the tools you can carry. Focus your very being on the adventure.

Welcome to the greatest journey of your life.

S13

thanks freeowl, lovely message