WeaverBird

I'm on day 4 which is the most I've managed in years. Yesterday was relatively easy because every free moment was spent on recovery oriented stuff. Today I'm already in tears (11.30 am).
I have lunch with a boozy friend and am flirting with a mental picture of a glass of wine. Feel sick. Will call sponsor I think. I have so much to do and am like paralyzed with a heavy weight on my chest.

I think the alcohol has made me sicker than I realize. In the meeting yesterday I kept saying pleased to meet you to people who'd met me at other meetings but I couldn't remember them ( and i hadnt been drinking on those days either).

At least every day a bigger part of me wants a sober life even if I can't see how I can get it.

HTown

you can do this! call your sponsor. Keep seeing the result of a "glass of wine" (play the tape forward); for me that would easily be a bottle, 1.5 bottles. better not not have any, break the cycle.

Dee74

You can absolutely get through Weev.
I believe in you.

It's hard tho - & being around boozy friends and/or alcohol makes it even harder...

why not make it easy on yourself in future?

Avoid stressful situations and places of temptation until you have bigger sober muscles.

D

SummerBee

CANCEL THE LUNCH !!!!! You can meet up another tume. Put yourself first.
SB

WeaverBird

Thank you both. I changed lunch to a tea shop type place where there's no alcohol.
I've also taken a practical action!!! I am taking my truck into the garage at 2 (my vodka buying time). It's had a clunking for months and a juddering because I drive it off-road quite a bit and there gonna take a look at it.

Nonsensical

You
Are
Doing
This

KES06

Great job and great decision. The first few weeks are the hardest to get through cravings, especially at "drink-thirty". You got this!

fini

Weev,
you are doing it.
right now.
you're taking the actions to increase safety for yourself.

as far as the mind....you know, you can choose to stop flirting with a mental picture of a glass of wine and choose to flirt bigtime, all out, with a picture of yourself in a sober situation, being comfortable and enjoying.

changing the mental pictures i flirted with, changing what i envisioned, changing the envisioned pictures in my head of what sobriety is, and me in "it",....really helped me.

SoberLeigh

Good plans, Weev

You can do this!!!!!

Linz805

That was a great decision! That's how you do it! Stay strong one moment at a time

Femaleboss1980

Keep busy gym helps and breaking your cycle its so hard
Positive vibes to you x

Ruby2

Good thinking to change the plans Weev. You're doing alright. It's hard to remember faces and names and all of that stuff. Especially in the beginning when you are focusing on feeling miserable. Call your sponsor anyway and talk to them about how you are feeling. Or just ask how your sponsor is doing. If you have other numbers to call, call them too. Doesn't have to be a long conversation. A brief "hello" will get your out of your own head for the time being.

Stick with it.

Anna

These are both fantastic ideas! You got this!

red3215

Good for you. Fantasizing about drinking with friends and other nice mental pictures is just going to tempt you.
Next time you start getting lured in with an illusion of how much fun a drink will be, and how everything will work out just fine, replace it with memories of hangovers, regret, and all the other realistic things that will happen if the drinking continues.

We love to chase that illusion. In fact I think problem drinkers are more addicted to the illusion than the actual drinking.

biminiblue

It's going to get better. Really I didn't feel like I had any control over my emotions for at least a month. Everything seemed huge, I cried at almost every interaction I had with anyone.

It will get better.

I eventually had to stop seeing people who were drinking buddies. Even when I tried to meet up with them away from alcohol, the discussion always led back to drinking and they inevitably tried to convince me I didn't have a problem and that I could have a drink. Just be very cautious with this friend. If it were me, I would refuse to talk about it with a drinker, quite frankly. You can talk about it in a few months when you aren't feeling so fragile. She likely won't be that supportive if she is a drinking pal.

It gets better. Hang on.

LadyBlue0527

YES! This is what you call WORKING IT

Do whatever you have to do to protect your sobriety. I promise, there will come a time down the road that going to lunch with a friend at a place that serves booze will not be the same issue it is now.

You're doing this Weev!

WeaverBird

I am going to bed sober on day 4. This is huge. I learned stuff today that I never knew. I think this is happening because I've spent hours on recovery oriented things. This is the most time I've been sober by far in at least 2 years.

You people are incredible and I love you all.

Ariesagain

Hevyn

Yes it is huge, Weev. We're so proud of you.

I cried & ran the gamut of emotions in the early days. I was excited for my new life, but went through some sort of strange grieving process too. As the numbness & fogginess subsided, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Everything got better - joy and hope returned. You're normal.

Dee74

great achievement Weev

D