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New drunk on the board Hello everyone - my name is Kim and I am newbee and have recently admitted to being an alcoholic. I'll try to summarize my background with drinking. I am 37 years old, with a 13 year old son. My husband and I have been married 15 years...we met each other drinking beer and have drank almost everyday since. (Except when I was pregnant) Over the years it seemed our activities evolved around drinking and one day (a few years back) I took it to another level. I can't say exactly when it happened all I remember is that our finances were going to crap...both of my husband's parent passed away within 7 months of each other...my dad was put in a nursing home with Alzheimers disease...hence I became depressed and coped with sedating myself with Old Milwaukee's Best. Soon, I started drinking during the work day. I own my own design studio and work from home so, this gave me the perfect closet to hide in so that I could drink. This has gone on for 10 years. Over the years, I ballooned out to a whopping 250 pounds from sitting around all day drinking beer. Technically I embalmed my self with alcohol and should be grateful that I am not dead. Last year, I sought counseling on a private level thinking that I could lick this problem one-on-one -- for a short time this seem to help. My doctor prescribed Lexapro and I seem to not drink nearly as much as I used to... in other words, I finally got to a point where I wasn't plastered every night. The scariest part is that I ignored the danger of mixing alcohol with that drug...again, I should be grateful I am alive. Last year, on June 17th I decided to have gastric bypass surgery....thinking that I would be happier if I were thin — I thought my weight was the root to all of my troubles. Since then I have dropped down to 136 pounds. About 7 months ago I dropped the beer and began drinking vodka on a daily basis. Because of my stomach being so small and the fact that I weighed half as much as I used too, I got drunker faster. All the while, I am still taking Lexapro. I began to black out and completely forget important things and simple things. My family and friends began to say things to me about it and of course, I would deny that I was drinking. This past Friday night, my husband and son left me. They left me because they couldn't stand seeing me like this anymore. I was so drunk I didn't even see them packing up their car....as a matter of fact, I don't even remember a thing. I still don't know how I made it to bed. My husband took my keys, left my Explorer in the driveway (with the window rolled down), left the garage door open and rented a hotel room. The next day I waited by the window for them to return. My husband called my mom and told her what happened and she came right over to tell me they are sick of me doing this to them. I was so ashamed of myself and didn't know what to do...I couldn't even speak. As they day went on I knew that I had to get help and that I wanted to stop drinking desperately. That night I wrote each family members a letter to apologize for hurting them and told each of them that I will never touch another drop of alcohol again. I called our local AA group and figured out where meetings are being held around town. Today is Sunday and my family came back home to me, read their letters, we all cried and they agreed to give me one last chance to prove that I can stop drinking and deal with this disease. Tonight there is a meeting at 5:30 that my husband and I plan to attend. Do you think they will accept new comers? Another important concern is my son....I have hurt this kid so badly. What type of counseling would you recommend for kids. I admit that I am scared right now. I have screwed up my life and so many others, I don't know where to begin other than going to a meeting right away. I know this post is choppy, my story is really longer but I posted the gist of it for now. Any advice that you may have is gratefully appreciated. Thanks! Kim |
(((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))))) You sound SO much like me! I am 38 years old with a 14 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. The pain and embarrasement that I have caused them is unforgivable. I do not have my daughter in counseling at the moment, but should do soon one day. It sounds like your family is VERY supportive. THe fact that your husband wants to go with you to meetings is AWESOME! Go to the meeings, surrender yourself and remember what you are gaining in sobriety: your husband and your son. You can do it! You can beat this and you can be happy again, without alcohol! You are in my thoughts and my prayers, Ang |
Ang - thank you for including me in your thoughts and prayers...I need all the prayers I can get. You're so right the pain and embarrassment I caused my son and husband seems truly unforgivable. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that. BTW, how long have you been sober? Kim |
(((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))) Good for you for deciding to do something about your problem. I am Laura and I am a gratefully recovering alcoholic. I go to AA at least 4 times a week, and would be happy to answer any questions you might have. As far as them letting a newcomer in, you will be welcomed with open-arms. Newcomers are what keeps AA going. We all need you to remind us of where we come from. Also, recovering alcoholics cannot keep what they have if they don't give it away. In other words, they can't stay sober unless they help others to get sober. You are beginning a difficult, but extremely rewarding journey. This website is a wonderful addition to a solid program of recovery. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers. Hugs-- |
Thanks Laura-Lu - I am planning to go to a meeting that starts in about an hour with my husband and I am nervous as heck. Are "First Meetings" usually the scariest? I feel so darned ashamed...maybe that's why I feel this way. :dunno >^,,^< Kim |
Hi Kim, Welcome to the club that has silent members and countless victims. The path you have chosen to walk will not be easy. You will find that the urge to drink will overcome you at the oddest places and until you centralize the area of pain in your life and cut it away, you will contine to fall prey to the lure of the drink. Go to your meetings, ask about qualified counselors that you can meet with, keep a journal of your thoughts, your demons inside will attack you, hitting you at the spots they know you are most vulnerable. Just stay strong. |
I was terrified when I went to my first meeting. Then I got there and cried through the entire thing. I don't even remember what people said. The good thing is, you only have to go to your first meeting once. You are very lucky to have your husband to go with you. Post when you get back and let us know how it went! Hugs-- |
Hi Kim, Welcome to SR. I'm Deg, nice to meet you. I was in a similar boat to you after drinking to excess for over 20 years. I'm back home now, and I've just got the children off to bed after us all as a family sitting down and playing scrabble. I've been sober nearly 16 months now, and I still can't believe that life can be this good! But it can. And it's still getting better. There's no shame in admiting to yourself and others that you had a problem with drink and with the right help and support you'll soon be looking back at the problem like I do, and like a huge number of people do after they've quit. When you think about quitting forever , you'll start imagining all sorts of problems. The truth is the truth though. There is no aspect of your life improved by alcohol. That pleasant buzz comes at a very heavy price for some of us. Looking forward to having you about. Hope the meeting gave you a good kickstart. If AA doesn't feel right for you, there are other groups, other ideas, other ways out there and lots of people here who have 'been there' who can help you get through this. All the best Deg. |
(((((((((( :hug: Kim)))))))))) Wonderful share and I understand your pain & much of your circumstance. Welcome to SR. You are not alone! Glad to hear you're heading to a meeting this evening. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my rear when I was hopeless. Grateful I eventually made it to a functioning Group that held one. It gave me hope and showed me a Solution which really worked when MY WAY did not. That initial glimmer of Hope turned into a building Faith and has now become a most passionate Belief. I came to scoff but have remained to pray. I hope and pray you lay hold of the principles that I found which provide a wonderous design for living. :tri Grab ahold of the life-preserver and enjoy the ride! It sure beats :sink Three Legs |
Welcome Kim, Welcome to SR!! I am a 37 y/o man with a 14 yr old daughter and a 17 year old daughter. Your story is so similar to mine that it is scary. I am recovering from alcohol as well of over 20 years of daily beer. My ex-father in law was the exact same as your story (including the gastric surgery) and moved from beer to vodka as well. He was a very successful real-estate agent and very well off financially so the only people that really knew were close family. We tried desperately to help him with this problem as he would end up in the hospital and have to have daily injections of vitamins (alcoholics cannot digest certain vitamins naturally and have to be injected) and his throat cotterized to stop the internal bleeding once in awhile. Of course he would make excuses for this such as the flu, or left over complications of the surgery....quack, quack, quack. He was found alone in his home (2 days post-mortem) with a half empty gallon of vodka on the table and one unopened in the fridge. He was not what one would picture as a "drunk". For that matter, neither am I but I was very badly. He was a very good man but a very bad alcoholic. My children were very close to him and this hurt them deeply and still does. You would have thought that this would have been a true wake-up call for me but I would still suck down a case or better a day and just say "well, I am not like that" or "It's just a few beers to chill me out, it's not the same, he had other health problems". I woke up late last year to the fact that I had a severe problem and have given up drinking forever. I slipped a few times but finally got the point several months ago. It will take time and a lot of work to truly fix things (not a quick fix or smoothing things over), but the good news is that it can be done. I too take Lexapro along with Gabitril for anxiety, however, I do not drink. Coffee, water, juice or soda is my drink now. You can do this!!! You are not alone and this is not something that cannot be fixed. There are sunny days ahead!!! Peace and Prayers, Roy |
It sounds like you have a supportive family who really wants you to get through this. To answer a few of your questions: Your husband and son should find a local Al-Anon group. (There is a forum on here that discusses similar groups) From what I have been told, these groups are as necessary and helpful as AA is for the recovering alcoholic. Your son may need additional help, but hopefully Al-Anon will help educate him about alcoholism and give him some additional insight into your situation. Your son may have a better idea of the situation than you think, however he is still only 13 and the additional input from people in similar positions may be invaluable resource. Best of luck. -pedagogue |
I can't thank you all enough for your positive replies. It's really nice to be around people who honestly understand what I am going through. It is uncanny how similar some of the stories are to mine. I appreciate all of your input and honesty but most of all welcoming me into this forum. I know that I will be spending a lot of time here. Between attending our AA groups and spending time in this forum I bet my recovery will be the most interesting journey I have ever taken in my life. Thanks to you all! >^,,^< Kim |
Thank YOU, Kim, for helping me stay sober another day. How was your meeting? |
Originally Posted by lulu70 Thank YOU, Kim, for helping me stay sober another day. How was your meeting? >^,,^< Kim |
Kim: Interesting Journey???? Hang on to your seat! You might just be rocketed into the Fourth Dimension! ((((((((Kim)))))))))) Three Legs |
(((Kim))) Welcome to Sober Recovery. I too can relate to your story. I have a long history of a drinking problem, as most of us do. I finally got to the point where my life became totally unmanageable and I grew tired of the problems I created. I no longer could bear drinking physically, emotionally or mentally. I accepted I was an alcoholic and started attending AA meetings. I have stayed sober since I began working the 12 steps. There is light at the end of tunnel and you're heading in the right direction. Good luck at your meeting. The meetings aren't scary, it's the fear of the unknown that's scary. Once you get the first meeting behind you, things will begin to fall into place. Getting sober is not an easy task. You have a long road ahead of you. It is a different path than we're used to following, but a much smoother one. I've found as difficult as it may be to get sober, it's much easier than staying drunk. I put alot of wasted time and effort into planning my drinking and nothing productive resulted from it. What resulted was lack of job, responsibility, trust and respect, just to mention a few. Best wishes to you and your family. You are not alone. If I can get sober, so can you. I thought it would never be possible for me to stop. Thank goodness that has been proven wrong. Keep the faith... LeAnne |
Sorry your meeting didn't work out. Just a word of caution. I don't know how much you have been drinking or how long it's been since you had your last drink, but de-toxing from alcohol can be very dangerous. If it gets too bad, get yourself to the hospital. They can help you de-tox in a safe way. Congratulations on your first day! Hugs-- |
Welcome Kim, your home now , in a safe place amongst people who will help and understand. Remain determined and courageous, don't expect miracles over night, your miracle just started when you asked for help. You can make it okay again, but allow yourself the time to do so. We'll be here in the meantime. |
Originally Posted by lulu70 Just a word of caution. I don't know how much you have been drinking or how long it's been since you had your last drink, but de-toxing from alcohol can be very dangerous. If it gets too bad, get yourself to the hospital. They can help you de-tox in a safe way. >^,,^< Kim |
I'm sorry if I scared you, but it is best for you and your family to be informed. I did a Google search for "alcohol withdrawal" and found this link among many others. http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/withd.../aa000125a.htm Take good care of yourself and keep us posted! Hugs-- |
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