zenmaster

I am a functional alcoholic and frequently arrive to work hung over. I am in my 40's and attending college to further my education and make straight A's. However, I do not know how much longer I can keep this nightly drinking ritual up. I am making a lot of mistakes at work and had some close calls on the road driving. I value life and don't want to hurt anyone and I feel so remorseful for things that I have said and done when drunk. I was arrested for a DUI two years ago after totaling my car in a single car accident and was miraculously let off on a reckless driving charge. I passed out at the wheel and could have killed someone! I rationalize my drinking habit as "stress drinking" and then pay for it the next day. I remedy my hangover with more drinking. This is insane and I want help. I can't keep this up much longer. I just need to put this out in the open. I'm frightened. I want to stop this madness. I want to quit drinking. I have attended AA in the past, and I am looking for a local meeting. I'm tired of wasting my life on this sh*t. I have been sober driving for a while now, so please don't be too hard on me about that. I understand driving drunk is an ******* thing to do and I have beat myself for it many times. Thank you for listening. I am ready for a change.

CreativeThinker

Hey Zen...welcome to SR!

There's a lot of support and information here that will help you begin your recovery.

Like you, I had non-stop consequences that lead me to finally change my life. Living life intoxicated, nursing hangovers, feeling ashamed, regretting decisions, losing hope...is no way to live.

Spend time reading through the threads and posting as much as possible. It's helped me, hope it will help you as well.

Hevyn

Welcome zenmaster!

I got a DUI too, so I'm not about to judge. I tried for many years to manage my drinking so I wouldn't have to give it up. It was no longer enjoyable in any way - so I'm not sure why I was so reluctant to quit. The only way I could stay safe was to stop all together. One drink always led to being drunk or blackout. I'm glad you came to this conclusion - it'll feel good to be free of it.

SimplyFree

Welcome ZM!! Everyone here has the same desire, to be free of alcohol. You've come to the right place! I'm glad you are here.

Nonsensical

"A change" won't be falling out of the sky anytime soon.

Go make some change.

Welcome to the fight of your life. What's the plan?

Fly N Buy

Sick and tired of being sick and tired lead me to the rooms and sobriety. AA has helped many who have a desire to stop drinking and you've made a good decision.

wildflower70

Hi zenmaster,

My situation is very much the same. I have been able to keep my job, I am getting straight A's in school (I am also in my 40's), and I have been able to hide this problem from everyone....except myself. I have quit many times (up to 8 months), only to return to the madness. The hangovers, the anxiety, the regrets, the shame, the dangerous behaviors while drunk.
I am now 7 days sober and realize that this is when our mind starts bargaining, trying to convince us that we can continue hiding in shame, just to enjoy that buzz once again.

I am done with this roller coaster ride, and I am taking the advice of many who have been sober for several years....make a recovery plan and focus on it every day!! We are worth more than the empty promises that booze provides. We can choose to be stronger than this addiction. We deserve to have true happiness by becoming healthy and free from these chains.

Keep posting, and welcome.

Anna

Welcome Zenmaster,

I'm glad you recognize the seriousness of your drinking and that you plan to change things. I know you will find lots of support here.

saoutchik

Welcome to SR Zenmaster.

Awake61

I rode the elevator almost to the bottom. Thought I, too, was a functioning drunk. Not so. Finally, lost the job I loved, lost my license. Went to jail. Children stopped talking to me and not allowed to visit my grandchildren. Oh and the health issues...Anyways, fortunately I did not kill or hurt anyone while I was behind the wheel.
Found myself in the basement swilling vodka straight out of the bottle, dripping off my chin. Fell on my knees and 2 weeks ago stopped. I will never drink again. Coming here, calling friends and setting boundaries is working. WE CAN DO THIS.

PippoRossi

Welcome, zenmaster! We have all been there and felt exactly the same as you. I hope that gives you some comfort. Stay here, please post and read as much as you can. Let's do this together!