overthis

Hey everyone. I am back....again. I was reading through my old posts on here from 2011 and 2015 and everything is still the same. I hate myself for being an alcoholic. I am so embarrassed at how much and when I drink but still can't seem to stop. I have 3 kids now and desperately want to be a better mom and wife but I always convince myself that I should be able to drink in moderation. This will be another Day 1 for me.

SteveAlex

Welcome back! Have you tried meetings?

instant

It's great you are back and having another attempt.

Over time I came to realise it is always "now"- the first period is tough but it gets way easier. Hang in there.

I found my self respect came back over time

kenton

Hey Overthis, good to meet you. A while ago I was rushing around with my kids and I was late for something or I'd forgotten something and I said out loud, "I'm so stupid!" One of my kids said, "don't speak about my mummy like that!"

Please stop hating yourself. Your kids don't want a mum that hates herself. You've made mistakes just like everyone else but you're here today and you want to get and stay sober. That's fantastic. I know I can't drink in moderation and from your post, you seem to be saying that you can't either. Try to accept that. Life is so much easier when you accept no drinking ever. Then work on your plan and the support you need. You can do this xx

overthis

I look at all my failed attempts and feel like such a joke. I went to meetings over 11 years ago and I don't know if I have the courage to put myself out there again. I don't understand why I have to drink so much just to be able to function. I have been drinking since I was 13 and almost 20 years later here I am. I don't know if I can do this.

kenton

You can do this Overthis. Start believing that you can. I started drinking at 13 too and I drank for 25 years before I even started wondering whether I had a problem. Sounds like you developed self awareness long before I did. All the negative thinking of feeling like a joke is your AV talking. Challenge it. You're not a joke. You've tried before and you're trying again. If that doesn't show courage, I don't know what does. You've got the strength inside you to do this. You just need to start believing in yourself and sobriety will give you that self belief. For now, work on your plan to not drink today. Take it one day at a time. You can do this xx

SoberNunn

Join the club

PhoenixJ

OT- it reads as if you need to do something to stop the relapse - wash/repeat bit. How will you do that? It will involve people asking you ..'have you done this' , which in the past I would reply ' yes, but for this excuse it did not happen', or it was 'not for me'. Well(talking to myself)- sorry Cinderella- get in line. To get and stay sober there is stuff I will have to do- and keep doing. No one else is going to do it- no one is going to save me. Others support- but I am the one- for me, that has to change, because the world (and this bit is real crap and sucks) does not make stuff better for me- just because I sincerely want it
to. Support to you.

Zebra1275

I have been drinking since I was 13 and almost 20 years later here I am. I don't know if I can do this.

By yourself, you probably can't.

Is rehab an option? AA helped me, I needed some face to face support.

Relying upon myself, an alcoholic, to show me the path to sobriety was a waste of time.

tomsteve

yes,you can do this!

early on in recovery I mentioned to a man after a meeting that I was havin a hard time with my functioning- both physical and mental. what he said hit me upside the head: "pouring mass quantities of poison into your body for many years, your body and mind have probably become addicted to it and the only way they both know how to function is with alcohol.give it time."

however, there is one major reason you have to drinbk so much to function: because you are an alcoholic with untreated alcoholism.
there IS a solution!!


" went to meetings over 11 years ago and I don't know if I have the courage to put myself out there again."

sure ya have the courage! what are ya meanin by 'put myself out there again?"

biminiblue

We all had to go through that uncomfortable first week, overthis. It is difficult and that part of us that wants to drink is like a two year old throwing fits. It is also very possible, and you can do it.

Once you get past that first week, the second one is easier.

Then keep going, one day at a time, not picking up a drink.

The pay-off is amazing if you hang on. I wish you could see how good it gets. It's the alcohol leading to all these negative thoughts.

Day One?

Glad you made it back.

MsCooterBrown

Blah! me too.

Mizzuno

Of course you can do this.

As one person said, the first week is the hardest. The second gets easier. I came to the conclusion that if I didnt change, I was going to continue hating my life and myself. My life is too important to be wasted on hangovers and blackouts. I am important enough to live a good, healthy, energetic, clear minded life. I can do this and I am. You can do this and YOU WILL!

Create new rituals for yourself in the day and night. Everything has to change and your resolve has to be clear. It is not impossible.

Caramel

I like your whole post above, Mizzuno, especially these helpful words:

"Create new rituals for yourself in the day and night. Everything has to change and your resolve has to be clear. It is not impossible."

Dee74

How are you doing Overthis?

D

Done4today

You can do get sober Overthis. Just surrender to the fact you can't control your drinking therefore booze isn't an option for you. And get a recovery plan and follow it. Good luck and many prayers

Soberwolf

to all there's 4 in this pic but there is room for everyone