How do you keep going??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 38
How do you keep going??
Hi I'm new here and have been struggling with alcohol for a few years, I'm 30. I drink 1-2 bottles of wine usually every night and im sick to death of it controlling me. Iv been to see a dr, been to addaction and seen a private counsellor for over a year. But I find my sobriety is the best when I'm very self determined and doing exercise and I find meditation works well. However I find these positive mind sets only seem to last a few days at most... Iv done 2 days sober and Iv already messed up by having a glass of wine day 3. I'm so envious of people who say they can do something like '12 days sober' how do you manage it?? Thankyou
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Nyah30- I was at the same place you are at not long ago. I couldn't seem to stay sober for very long. I was sick and tired of it too and eventually I just put it down and decided I was going to do everything I could to keep adding up those days. You need to form a plan. I think it is great you recognize the things that keep you on track. Keep exercising, meditating, reach out here for help before you drink.
Did you join the May 2017 class under the newcomers forum? Have you tried AA?
Whatever you do never quit trying. I had a ton of Day 1's until it clicked for me.
Did you join the May 2017 class under the newcomers forum? Have you tried AA?
Whatever you do never quit trying. I had a ton of Day 1's until it clicked for me.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Sobriety cannot be contingent on determination, because determination wanes. What sobriety needs to be contingent on is commitment. The commitment to remain sober regardless of how one feels during a particular hour, or day, or even week.
Originally Posted by Nyah30 
I find my sobriety is the best when I'm very self determined...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Hi Nyah,
Like Midwest, I too felt like you...wanting to stop the madness but couldn't seem to commit to being sober. It sounds like you already know what works for you in regards to staying sober, exercise & meditation. Keep at it!
I don't always feel like jumping up out of bed every morning and working out, but I know that when I do...I feel better and I'm back on track!
Having a solid plan and sticking with it keeps me sober. The longer I'm sober, the clearer my thinking becomes and I continue to "tweak" my plan as I see fit.
You can do this...just keep at it!
Like Midwest, I too felt like you...wanting to stop the madness but couldn't seem to commit to being sober. It sounds like you already know what works for you in regards to staying sober, exercise & meditation. Keep at it!
I don't always feel like jumping up out of bed every morning and working out, but I know that when I do...I feel better and I'm back on track!
Having a solid plan and sticking with it keeps me sober. The longer I'm sober, the clearer my thinking becomes and I continue to "tweak" my plan as I see fit.
You can do this...just keep at it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by SteveAlex
It gets progressively worse. I want to live.
So glad I don't have to do that anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,626
If do it because the motivation to stop drinking far exceeded wanting to drink. The thought od drinking may still be there- a bit like an ant shouting at an elephant. It takes daily default. Unfortunately for many (like me) the elephant (apols- crappy meteph) came about because I lost everything (including for 3 short moments- my life). If such things matter- I pray you do not lose your world to find motivation. Read- share- post. GO TO AN AA MEETING.
Support to you. PJ
Support to you. PJ
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Glad your here Nyah30.
Are you able to identify why you messed up on day 3?
When you realize that alcohol is poison. Damaging your entire been, e.g. body, mind and spirit. When you get sick and tired of lying to yourself. When you learn it's not a reward in any way shape or form for an alcoholic. It's not an escape.
Unless, you consider a journey into hell enjoyable. With continued use that's where it will lead. Misery, bad health, relationships, finances, legal are all possible with continued active addiction. Don't let alcohol steal your life. You are worth a reasonable happy life.
Determination, exercise, eating healthy, meditating are all great ways to stay sober. For some this is enough. Your making many excellent choices. Hope you'll make one more, very important choice. The best one is sobriety~recovery. Play the tape through. What do you want out of life? Where do you want to be in one, five, ten yrs?
You can do this....
Are you able to identify why you messed up on day 3?
When you realize that alcohol is poison. Damaging your entire been, e.g. body, mind and spirit. When you get sick and tired of lying to yourself. When you learn it's not a reward in any way shape or form for an alcoholic. It's not an escape.
Unless, you consider a journey into hell enjoyable. With continued use that's where it will lead. Misery, bad health, relationships, finances, legal are all possible with continued active addiction. Don't let alcohol steal your life. You are worth a reasonable happy life.
Determination, exercise, eating healthy, meditating are all great ways to stay sober. For some this is enough. Your making many excellent choices. Hope you'll make one more, very important choice. The best one is sobriety~recovery. Play the tape through. What do you want out of life? Where do you want to be in one, five, ten yrs?
You can do this....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
For me, I had to decide that alcohol was no longer an option, ever. Then my mind began to work on new ways to manage things. For example, on Day 3 when you think of buying wine, you need to be able to come up with new ways to deal with what's happening in your life. Whether you are looking to drink because of stress or boredom or whatever, it doesn't matter - there are healthy ways to deal with those emotions. 
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: NH
Posts: 374
I was a chronic binger like you (albeit high strength beer not wine). I had lots of little periods of not drinking --- a few days during the week, sometimes maybe a whole week. But mostly just a couple of days here and there for years and years an years and years...
In my case, I didn't really understand that I was addicted. I honestly think I couldn't get past day three because I was nowhere near being past the stage of active addiction by then. Your body probably needs much more time to adjust and heal itself.
I has taken me over three months sober for life to normalize somewhat and the ups and downs to level out. The 24/7 obsession with alcohol has largely gone and I am amazed at how my perspectives on drinking (and life in general) have changed in this time.
I found learning a few simple ideas from AVRT a great help especially int he earlier stages of recover. The idea is to recognize any thoughts of drinking as your addiction speaking and dismiss them as not "you." This way you can isolate your addiction and ignore it, rather than battling it 24/7 and getting into obsessive arguments you can't win through will power.
In my case, I didn't really understand that I was addicted. I honestly think I couldn't get past day three because I was nowhere near being past the stage of active addiction by then. Your body probably needs much more time to adjust and heal itself.
I has taken me over three months sober for life to normalize somewhat and the ups and downs to level out. The 24/7 obsession with alcohol has largely gone and I am amazed at how my perspectives on drinking (and life in general) have changed in this time.
I found learning a few simple ideas from AVRT a great help especially int he earlier stages of recover. The idea is to recognize any thoughts of drinking as your addiction speaking and dismiss them as not "you." This way you can isolate your addiction and ignore it, rather than battling it 24/7 and getting into obsessive arguments you can't win through will power.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 153
Gym work dog walking sleep gym work dog walk sleep
Sling in there a few visits to friends and family and change your entire routine where possible
Mine was boredom loneliness and sitting down to early on an evening (watch soaps) get bored walk 50yrds buy wine vicious circle !! Once you break out your do it 💗
Good luck tip the rest of the bottle away x
Sling in there a few visits to friends and family and change your entire routine where possible
Mine was boredom loneliness and sitting down to early on an evening (watch soaps) get bored walk 50yrds buy wine vicious circle !! Once you break out your do it 💗
Good luck tip the rest of the bottle away x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
I rely a lot on routine and rationale. Three months in, I'm relying on exercise, diet, SR, and podcasts. Controlled breathing and urge surfing for the intense moments. Occasional reading.
It takes time, but if you allow it, sobriety kind of gains a momentum of its own. In the beginning you're pushing it along, but once it's rolling, your main job is to keep the path clear of speed bumps.
It takes time, but if you allow it, sobriety kind of gains a momentum of its own. In the beginning you're pushing it along, but once it's rolling, your main job is to keep the path clear of speed bumps.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5
Learn More!!!
This is my umpteenth time quitting. I think it's different this time because I finally researched the physiology of alcohol addiction and it made sense. I now understand what is happening with my body/brain when I have "only one" (better known as "that first one").
I was tempted today to go get "only one" and reminded myself that the last time I did that I was blind drunk for 3 days. I also reminded myself that part of my brain is an ******* and I shouldn't listen to that part. Then I ate a candy bar and went outside to pull weeds!
Also, I found out that every time I drank and "stopped" the withdrawals got worse. I never want to go through worse than this time, so that helps, too.
I'm so glad I found SR, because I am an introvert and just couldn't do the AA thing. This site has been possibly literally, a life saver.
I was tempted today to go get "only one" and reminded myself that the last time I did that I was blind drunk for 3 days. I also reminded myself that part of my brain is an ******* and I shouldn't listen to that part. Then I ate a candy bar and went outside to pull weeds!
Also, I found out that every time I drank and "stopped" the withdrawals got worse. I never want to go through worse than this time, so that helps, too.
I'm so glad I found SR, because I am an introvert and just couldn't do the AA thing. This site has been possibly literally, a life saver.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
How do you manage it? Good question
Since I cannot manage drinking, I can manage not drinking. I can manage routine and nightly rituals to keep me safe. After work I come home, eat dinner, talk with my family, take a bath, put on a series and log into the forum. Its well into the evening by this point. Bed soon there after.
Its not boring. It's functional and healthy for me.
I drank a bottle a day. Sometimes two. Feeling like **** everyday was killing me. I don't want to be that person.
Since I cannot manage drinking, I can manage not drinking. I can manage routine and nightly rituals to keep me safe. After work I come home, eat dinner, talk with my family, take a bath, put on a series and log into the forum. Its well into the evening by this point. Bed soon there after.
Its not boring. It's functional and healthy for me.
I drank a bottle a day. Sometimes two. Feeling like **** everyday was killing me. I don't want to be that person.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"I]However I find these positive mind sets only seem to last a few days at most... "]
welcome, Nyah, and yes, that ws true for me, too.
which showed me that my sobriety can't be dependant on my mindset....or, to put it differently: relying on mindset being positive won't cut it.
so i needed something other than positive mindset. Something that would hold through negative or questioning or frustrated or lonely or angry or furious mindsets....i needed a practice, so to speak.
since you're into self determination, i suggest you check outthe AVRT threads in the Secular Connections forum farther down.
welcome, Nyah, and yes, that ws true for me, too.
which showed me that my sobriety can't be dependant on my mindset....or, to put it differently: relying on mindset being positive won't cut it.
so i needed something other than positive mindset. Something that would hold through negative or questioning or frustrated or lonely or angry or furious mindsets....i needed a practice, so to speak.
since you're into self determination, i suggest you check outthe AVRT threads in the Secular Connections forum farther down.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 119
Hi Nyah,
I was like you only for me it was day four. That is, I could stay sober for three days but in the fourth day I always gave in and drank. Every time that happened, it was because I had convinced myself that it was ok to drink on the fourth day because then I would t drink for another three days. Plus I would tell myself when I stopped and bought that botttle of wine on the fourth day, that I was only going to have one glass or maybe two. Only none of that was ever true. Not only would I drink the whole bottle on day four, but I would buy another bottle on day five, then day six, then day seven etc. etc. Then eventually, a few weeks or months later I would try to stop again and then give in once again on day four. It was a never ending cycle of failure.
Today, I am on day 20. How did I get past Day 4? I I realized that all my attempts to control my drinking were a never ending cycle of failure. I realized that after each failed attempt to quit drinking, my body wanted to binge drink to make up for it. I realized that one bottle of wine a day was starting to not be enough. My body wanted first one bottle plus one more glass, then one bottle plus two more glasses, then one bottle plus three quarters of another bottle, the two whole bottles. I realized that if I didn't make a commitment to get past that fourth day by enduring the withdrawal and battling the cravings, that if I didn't make a conscious and true decision to never drink again then I would get progressively worse and die a lonely, sick, isolated old lady who lied to herself about her drinking problem and who lives only to drink.
I don't want to be that person. So I am doing battle and it is battle. But the support here in the forums has been awesome and so helpful. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about overcoming alcohol addiction. Tonight I went to my first AA meeting ever. It was hard to admit out loud
for the very first time that I am an alcoholic but I know all my day fours have been telling me that for actual years. Today the first step taught me that the desire to drink is a merciless obsession that will only stop when the drinking completely stops. That is my truth now. So now, I just pray to keep making it one day more at a time.
I was like you only for me it was day four. That is, I could stay sober for three days but in the fourth day I always gave in and drank. Every time that happened, it was because I had convinced myself that it was ok to drink on the fourth day because then I would t drink for another three days. Plus I would tell myself when I stopped and bought that botttle of wine on the fourth day, that I was only going to have one glass or maybe two. Only none of that was ever true. Not only would I drink the whole bottle on day four, but I would buy another bottle on day five, then day six, then day seven etc. etc. Then eventually, a few weeks or months later I would try to stop again and then give in once again on day four. It was a never ending cycle of failure.
Today, I am on day 20. How did I get past Day 4? I I realized that all my attempts to control my drinking were a never ending cycle of failure. I realized that after each failed attempt to quit drinking, my body wanted to binge drink to make up for it. I realized that one bottle of wine a day was starting to not be enough. My body wanted first one bottle plus one more glass, then one bottle plus two more glasses, then one bottle plus three quarters of another bottle, the two whole bottles. I realized that if I didn't make a commitment to get past that fourth day by enduring the withdrawal and battling the cravings, that if I didn't make a conscious and true decision to never drink again then I would get progressively worse and die a lonely, sick, isolated old lady who lied to herself about her drinking problem and who lives only to drink.
I don't want to be that person. So I am doing battle and it is battle. But the support here in the forums has been awesome and so helpful. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about overcoming alcohol addiction. Tonight I went to my first AA meeting ever. It was hard to admit out loud
for the very first time that I am an alcoholic but I know all my day fours have been telling me that for actual years. Today the first step taught me that the desire to drink is a merciless obsession that will only stop when the drinking completely stops. That is my truth now. So now, I just pray to keep making it one day more at a time.
Don't Blink
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
AA meetings help me a lot and calling my sponsor who knows what I'm going through. In the middle of a craving I do whatever I have to to just not drink. Try to stay busy. Do my dishes. Watch YouTube videos. Meditate. Cry. Blare the radio. Pray. The more cravings you get through the easier it gets to do it again. The first few days are the hardest in my experience.
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