i only drink to be social and i don't want to stop.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
i only drink to be social and i don't want to stop.
Been reading this board awhile, but I've sorta used it as a place to read about people with much worse drinking problems so I don't feel too bad about my own problem, and not as a tool to stop drinking myself.
MY STORY: Single guy in my 30's. High stress job. I don't drink much hard liquor, I almost never drink at home (once every few months I have a couple beers at home), and drinking in the morning is massively unappealing to me. That said, my drinking is still negatively affecting my relationships, work, health, and life. However, I've had some of the most fun in my life and met the most interesting people I know while drinking. I met one of my closest friends in a bar when I was borderline smashed. I never would have approached this girl in a sober state outside of a bar. Strangely, she doesn't even drink. Maybe one glass of wine, if that counts.
My drinking problem: about one out of every 3-4 times I drink I can't stop until I'm ready to pass out. This is usually after 8-12 drinks. I don't black out and can remember almost all the details of the night the next morning (some embarrassing!), but lately after these drinking sessions I find myself waking up 3-4 hours later with my heart racing. I have no doubt I'm endangering my health and probably my life with this activity, but stopping drinking entirely seems like a horrible idea. I drink to be social and meet new people (men and women), and I'm a fan of live music which is almost always in a bar.
Anyone else with a similar problem? How do you manage it? How can I just have a few drinks and then stop? I've tried a lot already--trying to order a bottle of water every hour, setting alarms on my phone to get out of the bar at a certain time, using drink monitoring apps, asking my friends to not let me drink a lot (some minor success here, but my friends that I trust with this are not available all the time when I want to go out) I'm also trying to find activities to do outside the bar at night, but most of what I find just isn't that appealing to me or not happening at night when I'm tempted to drink!
It's embarrassing that I can't control my drinking by this age. Would love to hear some suggestions from anyone with a similar problem.
MY STORY: Single guy in my 30's. High stress job. I don't drink much hard liquor, I almost never drink at home (once every few months I have a couple beers at home), and drinking in the morning is massively unappealing to me. That said, my drinking is still negatively affecting my relationships, work, health, and life. However, I've had some of the most fun in my life and met the most interesting people I know while drinking. I met one of my closest friends in a bar when I was borderline smashed. I never would have approached this girl in a sober state outside of a bar. Strangely, she doesn't even drink. Maybe one glass of wine, if that counts.
My drinking problem: about one out of every 3-4 times I drink I can't stop until I'm ready to pass out. This is usually after 8-12 drinks. I don't black out and can remember almost all the details of the night the next morning (some embarrassing!), but lately after these drinking sessions I find myself waking up 3-4 hours later with my heart racing. I have no doubt I'm endangering my health and probably my life with this activity, but stopping drinking entirely seems like a horrible idea. I drink to be social and meet new people (men and women), and I'm a fan of live music which is almost always in a bar.
Anyone else with a similar problem? How do you manage it? How can I just have a few drinks and then stop? I've tried a lot already--trying to order a bottle of water every hour, setting alarms on my phone to get out of the bar at a certain time, using drink monitoring apps, asking my friends to not let me drink a lot (some minor success here, but my friends that I trust with this are not available all the time when I want to go out) I'm also trying to find activities to do outside the bar at night, but most of what I find just isn't that appealing to me or not happening at night when I'm tempted to drink!
It's embarrassing that I can't control my drinking by this age. Would love to hear some suggestions from anyone with a similar problem.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by ferrer
I drink to be social and meet new people (men and women), and I'm a fan of live music which is almost always in a bar.
My suggestion is to quit for good. All things you are doing to try and manage this isn't working and it just isn't worth it. You already realize what this is doing to you.
You can have fun, meet people, and create the kind of life you want. Your personality is within you, it's not found inside a bottle.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, ferrer.
since you have read here, you know that almost all of us could not control our drinking, which repeated experiments , some including the ones you are also trying, proved to be so.
and since you do not wish to stop, you might find it of use to check out Moderation Management or HAMS, a harm reduction approach.
since you have read here, you know that almost all of us could not control our drinking, which repeated experiments , some including the ones you are also trying, proved to be so.
and since you do not wish to stop, you might find it of use to check out Moderation Management or HAMS, a harm reduction approach.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I would get checked out by a doctor. That racing heart? That's withdrawal, and it is a sign of dependence.
I've tried every moderation trick I could think of, finally just threw the white flag.
It's a lot easier to not drink than to try to control it. Life is much better on the sober side.
I've tried every moderation trick I could think of, finally just threw the white flag.
It's a lot easier to not drink than to try to control it. Life is much better on the sober side.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
When you feel like it's causing health problems, is hurting you financially, destroying relationships, or generally is interfering with your life to where you want to stop, you will stop. So long as you feel like you are getting benefits from it, you will have a hard time stopping - that is, if you are addicted or dependent on it. If you are not addicted or dependent on it, then you would likely not be thinking about it so much that you'd be on a forum for addiction recovery support...
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
Alcohol isn't the good-time buddy you think it is, I suspect. And if you continue drinking, your problems are likely to get worse. That's how it works.
It's your decision. If I were in your shoes, I'd think long-term and quit using this poison that's complicating your life.
It's your decision. If I were in your shoes, I'd think long-term and quit using this poison that's complicating your life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
So, what you're doing right now is weighing benefits and costs. That's great, man. Everyone should do this.
Just be VERY wary of the benefits...Ask yourself how real they are in light of knowing how people actually look and speak with their buzz on. Also, keep in mind the advertising we've all been exposed to since birth.
When I quit, I first came to realize the benefits weren't worth the cost (which kept rising). Then, after awhile, I realized most if the benefits were stories I was telling myself.
Just be VERY wary of the benefits...Ask yourself how real they are in light of knowing how people actually look and speak with their buzz on. Also, keep in mind the advertising we've all been exposed to since birth.
When I quit, I first came to realize the benefits weren't worth the cost (which kept rising). Then, after awhile, I realized most if the benefits were stories I was telling myself.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome ferrer. Lots of great advice already...and as has been mentiomed, there is no way to go back to being a "social" drinker once you cross the line into addiction. You exhibit almost all the classic signs of addiction as pointed out by others. Quitting might seem like a horrible idea to an addict, but it's really the best choice to give you a chance at a good life. If you keep drinking most likely it will get much worse. Bottom line though is that only you can decide what is best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Welcome, ferrer, to SR. Lots of good support here.
So...this is a recovery site. Most of the posters either no longer drink because it was destructive to lives and health, are trying to quit drinking, or are feeling the impacts of having a drinking spouse, sib, child.
Many of us have recognized that drinking in moderation is just not something we can do.
so...want to stop? We are here. Peace.
So...this is a recovery site. Most of the posters either no longer drink because it was destructive to lives and health, are trying to quit drinking, or are feeling the impacts of having a drinking spouse, sib, child.
Many of us have recognized that drinking in moderation is just not something we can do.
so...want to stop? We are here. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You know, it's lovely that you let your AV write your title for you.
1) if sociability was the main driving force behind your drinking once you get started, chances are you wouldn't be reading and posting about the problems that alcohol causes you.
2) if you did not want to unshakle yourself from this problem then chances are you wouldn't be reading and posting on a sobriety site.
I was one of many many people who spent years trying to find the magical combination that would allow me to drink 'normally' , or pretended to myself that I did. Actually, now I look back at know that really I never wanted to have a couple. I wanted to get out of me. That is problematic drinking. I'm not keen on the phrase normal when talking about drinking. I surrounded myself with lots of other people who drank like me, thereby normalising (justifying) my own drinking. When I went to AA for the first few times it was in the hope that they could tea have me how to drink 'normally', and luckily I hung around, and since then I've met plenty of other newcomers with the same hope to cling onto the thing that was messing their lives up and the fear around what their life would be like, and who they'd be without it.
If we choose to keep clinging to a rock, it will drag us under eventually.
BB
1) if sociability was the main driving force behind your drinking once you get started, chances are you wouldn't be reading and posting about the problems that alcohol causes you.
2) if you did not want to unshakle yourself from this problem then chances are you wouldn't be reading and posting on a sobriety site.
I was one of many many people who spent years trying to find the magical combination that would allow me to drink 'normally' , or pretended to myself that I did. Actually, now I look back at know that really I never wanted to have a couple. I wanted to get out of me. That is problematic drinking. I'm not keen on the phrase normal when talking about drinking. I surrounded myself with lots of other people who drank like me, thereby normalising (justifying) my own drinking. When I went to AA for the first few times it was in the hope that they could tea have me how to drink 'normally', and luckily I hung around, and since then I've met plenty of other newcomers with the same hope to cling onto the thing that was messing their lives up and the fear around what their life would be like, and who they'd be without it.
If we choose to keep clinging to a rock, it will drag us under eventually.
BB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi Ferrer
I'm glad you've been reading - if you do enough of it you'll probably notice that most stories end in things getting worse...
Alcoholism, binge dripping, problem drinking - whatever you call it - is progressive and those few benefits you can still find in drinking will most likely disappear the more you drink.
If your drinkings already affecting relationships negatively, and if you're already blacking out - even if its not every time...if you're a drinker like me, thats not going to get better, not in the long term.
D
I'm glad you've been reading - if you do enough of it you'll probably notice that most stories end in things getting worse...
Alcoholism, binge dripping, problem drinking - whatever you call it - is progressive and those few benefits you can still find in drinking will most likely disappear the more you drink.
If your drinkings already affecting relationships negatively, and if you're already blacking out - even if its not every time...if you're a drinker like me, thats not going to get better, not in the long term.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: the coast
Posts: 246
I thought I was a social drinker. Turns out I was just a drinker. I went out thinking I was socialising except I blacked out and didn't remember any conversations or any of the people I met. I used the socialising excuse to go out and down 20 drinks on a Saturday night.
For me once the blackouts started they didn't stop. They got worse. And longer. And more destructive. Same with the hangovers. Once those switched from just a headache and nausea to panic attacks, icy veins, and a profound sense of shame and embarrassment they never went back.
Try going 30 days without drinking and see what happens. I tried many ways to limit my intake and it never worked. It became exhausting.
For me once the blackouts started they didn't stop. They got worse. And longer. And more destructive. Same with the hangovers. Once those switched from just a headache and nausea to panic attacks, icy veins, and a profound sense of shame and embarrassment they never went back.
Try going 30 days without drinking and see what happens. I tried many ways to limit my intake and it never worked. It became exhausting.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Addiction is so clever. It manages to put a positive spin on stuff that should be ringing very loud alarm bells.
Addiction lies to you daily to keep you enslaved. Sobriety gives you the clarity to see the world as it truly is. I know which one I prefer. Good luck
Addiction lies to you daily to keep you enslaved. Sobriety gives you the clarity to see the world as it truly is. I know which one I prefer. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Seymour, CT
Posts: 132
I used to have a similar problem like yours, but I solved it about 10 days ago when I decided that I could not moderate. In fact - My second post on this thread was "The more I think about events I go to, the more I don't want to stop drinking." (or something along those lines.
If you've been reading here a long time then you must have come across many stories of people who have tried moderating and "controlling" their alcohol intake and ultimately failing each time. Each person is different and the only person who can decide what they need to do is you.
Someone wrote a comment yesterday on another post that rang true for me.. "I think issues with alcohol are usually indicated by the amount of room alcohol takes up in our head, and less about the frequency of using."
Take care.
If you've been reading here a long time then you must have come across many stories of people who have tried moderating and "controlling" their alcohol intake and ultimately failing each time. Each person is different and the only person who can decide what they need to do is you.
Someone wrote a comment yesterday on another post that rang true for me.. "I think issues with alcohol are usually indicated by the amount of room alcohol takes up in our head, and less about the frequency of using."
Take care.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Ferrer, Welcome!
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and, as you noted, it will get worse unless you stop drinking. When you drink and you can't stop, you've crossed the invisible line into alcoholism. And, there is no going back. I think you will find that it's really much easier to stop than to try to moderate your drinking.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and, as you noted, it will get worse unless you stop drinking. When you drink and you can't stop, you've crossed the invisible line into alcoholism. And, there is no going back. I think you will find that it's really much easier to stop than to try to moderate your drinking.
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