Checking In
 

According to my sign-up date here, I ought to be nearly 2.5 years sober. I'm not. I fell back, time and again. I thought I could handle it, or maybe I just didn't care. Too much loneliness, too much pain, not enough love or companionship.

But I am seven months sober today. To say that it has been the fight of my life is an understatement.

I do believe that there is something to the Kindling Effect and Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. I've "quit" a bunch of times. Sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months. It gets harder each time. More agonizing.

I drank a LOT for a long time. How I survived the 90's is beyond me. I managed to slow down in the 00 decade, but I kept feeding the monkey. It stayed hungry.

It's unfortunately true: Everything is tougher after age 50. There's a lot of dependency over those decades. It all started with my father giving me beer and wine in my pre teen years. I didn't argue. He should have been locked up.

But I hold no blame. Every time I took a drink in my life, it was MY choice.

I digress. I'm doing better than I ever have in my life, but the fight continues. After seven months I don't wonder how the heck I can possibly make it through a weekend without drinking. The beer and wine section of the store no longer torments me. I look back upon my life and see the insanity it was. And could be again so very, very easily.

Relapsing is always a mistake, and tomorrow always comes with a vengeance. The same problems which made us wish to quit quickly come calling. Only they are worse.

If you're struggling with it in early days, stay strong. The tomorrow that comes with sobriety is a good one. I've had seven horrible months, but they have also been satisfying in ways. And it *does* get better. The best is yet ahead for me, and also for you. There is life after drinking. Believe it.

As for me, I cannot go back. Not this time. I am engaged to be married and my soon-to-be wife knows about my struggles. I could lose it all, or have paradise with a beautiful family--the first real one I've ever really had.

It's so good to see you, Livinginhope. 7 months sober is wonderful.

Congratulations on your engagement. You're right, we can't afford to slip back into our old ways. One drink led me to throw away 3 yrs. of sobriety. It took me years to get back on track. I completely agree that it gets so much worse as we age. Thank you for an insightful post - it will help many.

Thanks Hevyn. I think most of us have had to pound our head against a wall several times before we get it through our thick skulls that we can not drink.

Well done for what you have achieved.
It sounds like you have so much to look forward to in the future too.

You sound strong in your post which is encouraging.
Like you have done a lot of honest reflecting on your situation.

Keep coming here, it always helps I find.

I wish you the best xx

Thank you, Sasha. I will try to visit more often.

Im 36 and think your inspirational please dont stop visiting
Thank you and well done on your 7 months x

support? AA, SMART, counselling, priest, doctor?
Well done.

Congrats on 7 months sober! :scoregood Keep going, it gets even better. :)

Congratulations, livinginhope, on your sobriety and on your engagement.

Much happiness to you.

great share. thank you

Thank you for sharing. We understand. There are two sides to sobriety for most of us. Being realistic is a good thing. The positives still out weigh any drunk, high day. Keep going one day at a time.

Congratulations on your 7 months and your engagement.

Your sobriety has likely made your engagement possible. Loving yourself enough has brought you a precious gift, or two. Sobriety has lead you to a more fulfilled life. One with hope, with love and a new spouse. Exciting times. :01:

Nice post ---and congrats on being sober and your engagement.

:scoregood

On my own. Well, with the help of my fiancée.


Most of us know that beginning a relationship while in alcohol recovery is a dicey prospect. It's tough to balance a new love and becoming sober and all the emotional imbalance that comes along with it. I am sure that it helped me. I may not have made it this far without her.

My love enjoys cocktails and wine. I was in a sober period when we first met, and I explained about my problems. I don't think she quite believed that I had a real problem. Now, she isn't like us. One, or at the most, two, is her limit. And not daily. Her sister was visiting from out of town last summer and they were having mojitos. I was very uncomfortable watching them. The sister has a problem, I am sure. I know the signs by now. I couldn't take it and I caved in. I had one drink.

Then I began having a drink here. A glass of wine there. It turned to two and three. More. You know the story.

I help a local museum with a writer's event, and it happened on Oct. 1st. Seven months ago. We did the event, then we all walked down the block to a local bar. The curator was buying and I drank several large beers. Then we came home and I began chasing shots with more beer. We had company and it was a party.

I blacked out drunk. My love told me that I was fine. I wasn't mean or anything. I just slurred my voice until I mumbled that I had to go to bed.

Hungover and sick the next morning, I swore I was done. My lady renounced drinking for me. She says that she loves me more than a few drinks a week.

Now, months later, she has the occasional glass of wine. We saw a concert last week, and I bought her a glass, while I had water. I'm all right with that, and we do not keep any in the house.

I love this woman, and I love her family. I have the best job I've ever had. I'm feeling healthier and happier every week. Sure, I have good days and bad ones, but I am gradually getting much better. I am healing.

Great post. Good choice you made 7 months ago.