Long journey after my daughter's death
 

For the regulars here most know my story but many do not. In January of 2014 out of the blue my 28 year old daughter developed a cough and after extensive tests the doctor spoke with us and I heard the words that no parent should ever have to hear. Your daughter has stage four terminal cancer and likely has six months to live.

The next six months were hell watching her slowly die and not being able to do a damn thing about it. It was horrible beyond horrible and there just aren't words in the English language that remotely convey what it is like. She passed on my 5 year sobriety birthday which I will forever believe was not a coincidence.

Actually as bad as it was she was still alive then the real darkness came after she died. I went to places that were so very very dark. Every day for almost two years were a waking nightmare. I was alive but dead inside. There was not a second I wasn't crushed. I would wake horribly sad, go through the day horribly sad, and go to bed horribly sad.

Although I wouldn't wish my tragedy on my worst enemy I have grown and my sobriety stronger than it ever has been. I thought I would post a few things I have learned.

1. There is no problem alcohol won't make worse
2. Hard times are something we must go through. There simply are no short cuts
3. There are many reasons to drink. Some would say even some good ones but we all know where that first drink will lead us which is the black hole of alcoholism
4. The time to have a sobriety plan in place is before you need it
5. Lean on people. They want to help so let them
6. There are many many days where simply getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment.
7. Keep doing whatever you have been doing that has kept you sober no matter how much you just want to crawl in a hole and die
8. If you have a God in your life pray
9. Use professional help

Today I'm still very sad but I'm able to experience joy as well. I discovered you can be happy and sad at the same time. My 8 year anniversary is coming up and the 3 year anniversary of her death so I'm thinking about what a journey this has been.

MIR- complete respect to you. Words do not describe grief. You are a brave, strong person. Nothing I could word craft could describe that sort of pain. I tasted that fear and loss of control- once when my son was born. That was crap. Compassion and empathy to you.
And, although I never pray for me- I will do so for you- your family and your daughter.
Thankyou for sharing such an intimate event in your life.

MIR, I know that your daughter's illness and death was devastating for you and that you have managed, day by day, to get through to this point. I'm so inspired by you, that you have managed to find some joy amongst the sadness and pain. Your daughter would be so pleased.

MIRecovery,

Ever experienced that sensation when you're seeing something or doing something and you somehow know that this thing you're seeing or doing will stay with you til the day you die? That's how I felt when I read your post. I will never forget your words and your story. Ever. Beyond sorry for your loss and beyond humbled by your strength. The other day I wondered whether life could ever throw anything bad enough at me to make me drink again. The death of one of my children was the worst thing I could imagine. Thank you for removing my last reason to drink. Much love and respect to you as the anniversary approaches and for every day afterwards.

I am crying. I am grieving for your child. I am so sorry. This is something NO ONE should ever have to experience. My love to you and your family.

You have experienced the unimaginable, the unthinkable, dear MIR.

I am so very, very sorry - from the bottom of my grieving parental heart to yours.

Incredible post - and very wise words. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Your strength in the face of despair is an inspiration. I hope that doesn't sound patronizing, as I'm sure you've heard it all before. But there are many readers here who are better people because of your advice and support. Thanks again for sharing.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. :)

MIR
I am so very sorry that you lost your daughter
Weev

Thank you for sharing your story MIRecovery. The strength that you have shown is absolutely incredible. Your willingness to share is a blessing that will absolutely help many others.

Respect ✊

Well done on your sobriety

Sorry to you and your family. A parents worst nightmare. Continue to be strong!

(((MIRecovery)))

Both your post and your sobriety honour your daughter's life.

You have touched many lives by sharing yourself here at SR and your daughter will be thought of by many people today.

:grouphug:

Love - :grouphug:

Well done MI...know that your daughter is standing right there beside you!

God Bless!

There are no words to console the depth of pain in losing a child. The heartbreak is like no other. Can only say how very sorry I am for your loss. Being a mother myself, I can't imagine how extremely painful this must be.

You have given me strength in staying the course. There is light in the darkest of dark. Am so thankful you can now find some small measure of joy, some peace. Even if, for a moment.

Thank you for going on. Your courage is remarkable. May you find comfort in knowing that one day you will be re-united. Comfort in others love. Thank you for sharing. :hug:

Wow you're an inspiration and your daughter will be so proud you stayed the sober course.
And, I'm so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine how rough these last few years have been for you.

Thank You for sharing you grief and learning with us all.

(((MIR)))

You have brought healing to so many, and this post is itself very inspiring.

Thank you for turning outward to give of yourself to us.

Such a moving and inspirational post!

I'm so glad you have come by some joy as well as the heartache - that is so encouraging.

I think your daughter would be proud of you.