WeaverBird

Morning All,
I've been thinking and thinking about what Tufty15 said about having to choose between the drinking life and definitely quitting.
Thing is, a few years ago my family, friend, dog, died. Cancer, old age, suicide. I think I've been addicting to avoid the pain of it. Funeral after funeral without drawing a breath. There's nobody on the planet who loves me.
I didn't drink this morning and am desperate not to.
But I don't believe I have anything to live for? How am I gonna survive without the drink? I'll be like this sad ghost.
Couldn't drive by the off license. Had to call someone from meeting just to get home without vodka. Boy did I feel like a freak. I so badly don't want to give in.
I keep thinking what some amazing person wrote: I am sober for this second. Which I am and which is a big relief. Right now, I wouldn't rate my chances of being sober til the meeting tonight. Just for today is just too long.
I don't do anything except drink. Well, except my new-found cleaning. Spose I'll have to do that. The emotional pain is bad. Keep crying. Don't want to feel.

Nonsensical

I'd start by asking better questions, because that one reminds me of my screen name.

Something like "What do I need to do to rebuild my life?" will get you further.

You've suffered losses. We all do. That's part of life. THEY died, not you. Honor their memory by LIVING.

You can do this.

Anna

Good for you for getting through that. The emotional pain will lessen and you will be able to deal with it. It seems impossible right now because your emotions are used to being numbed by alcohol. Things will get better.

D122y

The booze has got you locked up.

I empathize. Getting out of the physical hole is painful. But the mental anguish, while not as physically painful lingers for a long long time.

Folks say AA helps with that mental thing. I have been told that i didn't work AA properly.

AA didn't work for me. The same folks always talked...sometimes longer than their allotted time. To be courtious, we have to listen and not play on our phone.

Folks would break down and cry. I would leave frustrated.

So, keep posting. It helps.

I had medical issues that helped me get this far.

Thanks.

Linz805

Just hang on till the meeting and you may find temporary relief there. Then start all over again until the next meeting. It takes time. It WILL get better. It may not feel like that right now but if you stay sober you get a chance. I have a couple of people that love me in AA and that took some time to build so I know you can too.

WeaverBird

Thank you. Forty minutes to kill before I leave. People from AA have been texting and phoning all day. Humbling.
I think I got over my self-pity post from this morning. Nothing worse than angry self-pity to amplify a craving. My life's not that bad. I'm going to write more things I'm grateful on my list before bed. I have friends who love me and have stuck by me all through this, incredible people just seemed to turn up at the right moment (the quantum universe working its magic) and now I have you lot on here.
I guess I just want to drink. I can't remember there was ever anything else I wanted to do, like a hobby. I've been acting like a child having a tantrum cos it can't have what it wants
I am getting the idea alcohol isn't to be played with. I have to learn how to make a life without it and it feels strange. A couple of times today I've said out loud I Don't Drink. It feels strange but all right.

ask71463

Have you considered adopting a shelter dog? I know that you can't replace the one you loved, but it is amazing how fast you can fall in love with another dog. Especially one who really needs you! Just a thought.

Good luck! I'm a beginner, too, and thinking of going through the recovery process is very intimidating.

WeaverBird

Great advice, Ask. That's exactly what I did about 6 months ago and he is awesome! He's by me as I'm writing. He brought joy into the house.
Glad you're out there. I'm beginning to realise alcohol is a much much bigger problem than I thought I had. I'm much calmer when I'm with other alcoholics. That meeting was a relief. I think I might make it to bed sober.
Let me know how you're doing tomorrow. Weev

SoberLeigh

We do this together, Weev. Thank goodness.

SoberLeigh

We do this together. Thank goodness.

WeaverBird

Yey! Feeling euphoric at doing a whole day. (Feelings totally all over the place).
Thanks for sticking with me

SoberLeigh

So very happy for you, Weev.

Spoiler Alert: It's going to get so much easier and so much better.

Stay close.

Dee74

You can do this Weev1l

D